Does anyone else ever feel this way?Damn high school following me into adulthood

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Were you bullied in school?
    Yes. Everyday : (18 votes)
    15 %
    Yes, some what. : (51 votes)
    43 %
    Not really. : (27 votes)
    23 %
    Not at all. : (22 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1745 posts
    Bumble bee

    Of course you’re not the only one to feel this way. I’m sorry you were treated that way; a lot of people were. It’s not right. 

    I don’t know what else to say, really, just that you’re not alone. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    10384 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    All of that usually stops in college (or what you guys call university) for most people. How old are you? I think everyone gets bullied to some degree, or conform to such a degree that they may not be bullied but they lose themselves (a la popular mean girls). The popular mean girls usually peak in high school, and the awkward girls tend to bloom more in their 20s and then are the more successful people. Just hang in there, find your core friends, and do your own thing!

    Post # 5
    Member
    1745 posts
    Bumble bee

    @crayfish:  Gosh, how could I forget to mention the after-highschool blooming.

    It’s not unusual for people who were treated badly in high school to end up successful in the career, family, friends, and emotional and mental/physical health departments, Brittanyg20. It’s also not unusual for the people who did the mistreating to end up in not so good places, usually because they are stuck in the “best years of their lives”, a.k.a High School. 

    Your suspicion of people who want to be your friends, and feeling like people don’t like you is understandable, but try not to let it hold you back. There is probably not much about you that is so offensive that nobody would want to genuinely be your friend.

    Be yourself, do things you like to do, and friends will likely come naturally.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    3097 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

    All the time. I’m shy, quiet and anti social now, sigh. I just DREAD going out, and when I do I feel like I have to try to look/feel good but it doesn’t help much, i still feel insecure 24/7

    Post # 8
    Member
    1749 posts
    Bumble bee

    I wasn’t bullied other than in 3rd grade a bit, but I feel like that. I assume it’s following some disappointing realizations about people, but I don’t have any faith in them in that department. At all. It was only recently I figured out I’m somewhat pretty. That was kind of a shocker. That is definitely left over from highschool. My best friend in freshman year said I wasn’t the kind of gil anyone would date. My mom in the same time period said things like “He doesn’t like you anyway” at a time where I was being rejected by my first kiss and person I lost my virginity to.

    Post # 9
    Member
    583 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @Brittanyg20:  I am really sad to hear this happened to you, I was actually bullied very much myself. I was the only girl in my entire school with redhair, and because I was quite shy the girls were always nasty to me.

    They used to throw icecream wrappers at me, make rude remarks about my hair colour and tell me I’d never get a boyfriend because I was not pretty enough. Sometimes they would even purposely avoid me or not choose me in their social groups, so I would make friends with some of the boys.. which would then lead to them calling me a flirt or slut, even making remarks that I was ‘desperate’ for attention, when really I just wanted a friend! 

    I’m almost 21 now and I haven’t had any problems with bullying since leaving high school, but gosh it affected me back then. I was bullied for as long as I could remember. 

    This was me in my last year of high school at 16. The teacher was trying to take nice photos of us, sadly the girl behind me is poking fun at me…

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    7630 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2013

    @crayfish:  This. All this.

    I think everyone is bullied at some time. You are not alone. You can overcome this. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1167 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @sunshinewish15:  Really, you were bullied? You’re so pretty!

     

    @Brittanyg20:  OP, I think you described my life. I was bullied all the way through school until about Year 10, when no one was really bullied anymore because all us shybies and nerds found eachother to hang around, and our group was far too big to really nastily bully. They still said horrible things and you didn’t want to get stuck in a room with them, but we became a strong group of friends (there were about 10 of us)

    I came out of secondary college with one real friend, and shes the only one who ever even kept in contact after school anyhow. Other than her? Ive been on the out, with everyone. Shes also one of those people who, after meeting her once, everyone wants to be best friends with, wanna give her things, go out with her, surprise her, etc.etc. Makes it very hard on me when no one likes me :/

    My first job was the same as high school but worse, my jobs now are very different to my first though. My first, I was bullied repeatedly, though I didn’t always know it. Rumours, talking shit about me to my boss, blaming me for things… I was a journalist, and the girl I worked with did half the stories I did (I had been there for 6 months when she started, I hadn’t even started my course!) and somehow it was MY fault when we didn’t have a lead, MY fault if a note got missed, MY fault if there weren’t enough stories… are you F#$!@^$%#ing kidding me?! GRR!

    It was so bad and I was so anxious about going to work I had mild insomnia, I started panic attacks (never experienced that before or since!) I was making myself physically sick! But then the two seperate sick days I took in the entire 14 months I was there? I was taken into my boss’ office and quizzed, check it he really quizzed me, on WHY I took the damn sick day and told me I needed to bring in a doctors certificate the next time it happened! It was ONE DAY, its not legal to require a doctors certificate for a single day off!

    Just cause PP shared, might add a photo of me from HS too; This was our final year, and that was my (then) best friend who also happens to be gay, I was his “beard” for a while there haha.

    ETA: Sorry, I got a bit carried away. OP, I feel your pain, and Im so, so sorry you still feel this way. But Im just the same, Im so cautious now when someone seems to like me, Im always sure they’re talking about me behind my back and I hate it…

    *sigh*

    Post # 12
    Member
    1355 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    I was a weird neutral party in school. I got along fine with pretty much everyone including the jocks and the nerds — I was in the nerds for a friend group though. I had a few people I disliked, but it was dislike stemming from when those people came to my very tiny elementary school and were mean — they didn’t actively bully me in high school, but rather just ignored me. It was nice.

    Post # 13
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    @Brittanyg20:  I know exactly how you feel – I was bullied very badly at school from when I was about 8-14 (at which stage I found a school where people were whoever they wanted to be, and although I was talked about behind my back, I wasn’t ‘actively’ bullied so that worked!) I was bullied badly enough that it led to some mental health issues etc. and my mum pulled me out of school as soon as she realised what was going on. 

    I was bullied then in my second job (not my first) and it felt like being back in my early teens again.

    However, it has since got easier. Although I’ve never been cool or popular, from when I was about 21/22 people started accepting me for me. Although I’ve still got a limited circle of friends, I get on as aquaintances with most people and even if I don’t I’ve found that as I’m working with more mature people the teasing elements has ebbed away, and everyone just gets on with their work. Hopefully the same will be true for you 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    446 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @Brittanyg20:  I totally know how you feel. 

     

    When I was in first grade, some kids started a rumor that I picked my nose.  The whole grade found out and literally made me an outcast.  People would call me names to my face, would not use water fountains because they thought I would put boogers in the fountain, etc.  I was just alone and would just sit on the jungle gym during recess.  It got so bad that teachers had to intervene, but the damage had been done.  The teasing would follow me throughout junior high and somewhat through high school.

    In junior high and early high school, people would “fake” friend me and be called ugly.  Some boys created a list of the “10 Ugliest Girls” and I was on it.  Guys would pretend to have a fake crush on me and then humiliate me.  Once some mean girls called me pretending to be a modeling agency saying I was pretty and hung up laughing.

    It got better after my freshman year of high school, but I never got asked to homecoming or prom.  I have no clue if I was just not confident enough or the rumors did not help.  To this day, I still think people are teasing me behind my back and I don’t look right.  My fiance tries to convince me otherwise, but the damage has been done.

    Post # 15
    Member
    772 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    When I was in high school, my best friend convinced my boyfriend to dump me and then started dating him. She then proceeded to tell all our mutual friends it was her or me. It was 2 against 1 and I was a depressed wreck. They chose her. 

    10 years later, I still struggle with doubts about my current friendships. I think that somewhere deep in my head, I assume all my friends will leave me. I was talking to my current best friend, and she said that she feels comfortable arguing with me because we’ll always be friends. I was surprised because I felt like we’re always on the verge of not being friends. Having that talk was revealing to me about insecurities I didn’t realize I still had. Not too long ago, I had a big party that some of my friends actually flew in for. They’re all catching up with each other when I think to myself, “maybe they don’t like me.” That’s insane! They just flew across the US to be with me! When I have thoughts like these, I stop and remind myself that they’re not true. Some of my very close friends, I’ve told them these concerns and they go out of their way to be just a little more conscious about things. 

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