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Does anyone else feel detached to FSIL?

posted 1 year ago in Family
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    Helper bee
    loveknows    December 10, 2011   Caribbean

    I think I'm an overthinker. I worry and give importance to things that should just be left the way they are. My FI has a sister a year younger than me (I'm 28, she's 27). She is also getting married 3 months before me. They live 2 hours away so I barely see her often, but when we do its almost like we don't connect. Yes we talk about this and that (wedding related) but she has a 'cold' personality, almost like she doesn't seem interested in becoming friends. And I'm not the most outgoing person. FI IS the oldest of 6 and everyone else is cool. I'm not in her wedding and I didn't ask her to be in mine (his 3 sisters will be doing readings, etc). Does anyone else have a distant relationship like this with fsil?

     
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    Honey bee
    KLP2010    October 30, 2010  

    I have a great relationship with dh's sister. My brothers wife is another Story. We don't live in the same state but whenever we visit one another I always feel judged and out of place.

     
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    Honey bee
    Treasure43    September 18, 2010  

    I don't have the best relationship with SIL (though we're working on it and it's getting a bit better). I just don't find her easy to connect with. We have very little in common and when I do reach out to hang out, I feel like she's only coming not to cause drama. And she never takes the initative for us to hang out. I wish I had a closer relationship to her but we're very different people so we just try to keep it civil.

     
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    Bumble bee
    tntrav44    June 30, 2012   Pittsburgh

    I kind of have a similar relationship with my FSIL.  She and I are the same age, and we connected on vacation last year because we were rooming together (FI's parents are verrrry traditional), but since then, it's been more awkward than anything.  We really like each other, but it's hard to find things to talk about. 

     
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    Busy bee
    med700    November 5, 2011   Canada

    I realized soon into my relationship with FH that if him and I weren't together, I would never be friends with FSIL, we literally have ZERO in common.  I'm an outgoing person, very social, but having a converstation with her is exhausting; there is always drama that she has to go on about, how others are jealous of her, how her life is more difficult than other people's, how the world owes her so much, etc.  If she wasn't so ego-centric, she'd be able to tell I can barely stand her, but since she doesn't care about anyone except herself, she doesn't notice a thing.

    With the wedding, she has begun making suggestions that are, simply put, crazy.  She wants to invite her husband's entire family (grandmother and all), she wants to wear a massive sparkly flower in her hair, "I want Person X there at the wedding for me because they're important to me!"

    It's not that we don't get along, she's just not the kind of person I enjoy being around for periods of time.

     
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    Blushing bee
    Mya Rose    April 11, 2012  

    my FSIL is extremely cold. if the 2 of us are left in a room alone we literally have NOTHING to talk about... not only that, I asked my BM to invite her to my bachelorette party and she is THE ONLY ONE who hasn't bothered replying!!!! i don't actually want her there but at least have the decency to reply!!!

    i don't think we will ever have a friendly relationship. it's sad.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    Sassygrn    June 4, 2011   Minnesota

    I have 2 FSIL who get along with each other. Me I feel like a 3rd wheel and probably will always feel that way. They have known each other a lot longer and my FI and his brothers and wives grew up in the same area and have family in the area, where I come from Southern MN and have nothing really in common with FSIL's

     
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    Bumble bee
    LetsGoPens    October 13, 2012   Pittsburgh

    FSIL and I do not have a good relationship and it really upsets me. She is 4 years older and she acts as if I am a child. When she is around I feel like she is always judging me. She gives off this vibe of "I have enough friends I don't need anymore." She is also planning her wedding so when she actually does talk to me she talks about the weddings, I have no idea what we are going to talk about post wedding.

     
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    Honey bee
    KristenGotMarried    May 19, 2012   The Cbus

    I have pretty much zero relationship with my FSIL.  She lives several states away and is a stay at home mom and military wife.  I see her maybe twice a year and we have absolutely nothing in common aside from my fiance.  Every now and then she'll post on my pictures on facebook, or send us pictures of the girls, but I have yet to physically speak with her since we got engaged 4 months ago.  FI wants her to be one of my bridesmaids, which I'll do for him, but I dont think either one of us is really going to look forward to that experience.  (I still have yet to ask as well)

     
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    Bumble bee
    bellagio    October 1, 2011   Arizona

    I think it just depends on the personality. In terms of women in the family, I probably feel "closest" to my FI's SIL (FI has 2 sisters and 1 brother). One of my FI's sisters is really nice and I like her an her husband a lot, but they live far away. The other is religiously conservative and probably won't make our wedding at all. I feel really distant with my own brother's wife. Just because people marry in to the family doesn't mean you'll have a close bond with them, even if they seem to share a lot of similar traits. ;)

     
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    Buzzing bee
    heather5743    March 10, 2012  

    My FSIL is the exact opposite of me.  Not kidding.  Our wedding is going to be interesting!

     
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    Bumble bee
    JsDragonfly    December 29, 2009  

    I do, but it's mostly because of distance (8 hours) and the fact that I'm not the most out going person.  I take a looonnnngggg time to warm up to people, so I take most of the blame of not being closer to my SILs.

     
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    Busy bee
    hibiscusgirl    July 23, 2011   Seattle

    My FSIL is nice but very very introverted. We don't really have much in common. She is a stay at home mom with two little kids and I work and have no children. Her life is filled with taking the kids to the park and baking cakes and I go to work every day and we hang with friends on the weekend. She is super sweet and nice but just very reserved, doesn't talk much to me, and we've NEVER hung out together (outside of family dinners) besides when she had to meet me and all my bridesmaids to try on dresses. (My FI and I asked her to be in the bridal party.) So I kind of know what you are talking about. I used to take offense to it and feel like "Why doesn't she want to  be my friend?" But I've come to grips with the fact that A. We don't have much in common and B. She is just a very reserved person and isn't an outwardly friendly person to begin with. It isn't that she doesn't like me or doesn't want to hang out with me. I think our relationship will change once we start having children, but who knows. 

     

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