Does anyone else feel let down by guests?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Mrstobe26:  I’m a little confused, are you frustrated by the amount of people who can’t come? Or are you frustrated by the anticipation that people are going to RSVP “YES” and then not show up?

Regardless, having the expectation of everything being “perfect” is going to let you down no matter what the situation is. You also have to remember that yes, a wedding is a special day, but it’s a special day to you and your FI, not so much a friend. Sure, they want to celebrate this new step in your life, but their world doesn’t stop because of it. And I don’t think it’s fair to place that type of expectation on them.

Post # 3
5793 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think you have to temper your expectations with a healthy dose of reality. Of course people will make sacrifices to share your wedding day with you, and most folks will be happy to do that. But when it comes to making commitments where time and money are involved, some folks simply can’t make those plans so far in advance, some folks have every intention of joining you but have last-minute complications, and some folks simply can’t dedicate their time and money to you.  It doesn’t mean they love you any less. It just means that life sometimes gets in the way.

Also you have to let go of the notion that you’ve made it “affordable” to people and given them “plenty of notice” because your standards of affordability may be different than someone else’s, and regardless of someone’s financial situation, you’re asking someone to spend their money on you. The simple fact will always remain: your priorities will never be identical to someone else’s, and that’s perfectly ok. It’s okay for someone to choose spending money on their own vacation, or even a completely frivolous purchase, rather than spending the money on going to your wedding.

My advice: your wedding is not till February. Don’t even worry about who is coming and who isn’t till January. Accept that you will need to chase some people for their RSVP’s (that is human nature) and accept any declines graciously. It’s a wedding and not a subpoena. People are allowed to say No and it’s how you handle those NO’s that matters most.

Post # 4
7936 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think your expectations are a little unreasonable to think everyone will be able to RSVP this early for a Sunday in Feb! Have your invites even gone out? Invite a view more people if your unofficial tally is looking low but relax! 

Post # 5
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Complaining about your wedding guests….it’s like saying teaching would be great except for the pesky students, or retail is awesome except for all those darn customers, haha!  Every time you want to rip their head off, just remember how much you love them and are grateful to have them in your life.  Remember the reasons you chose not to elope!     

Post # 7
2800 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your attitude is really going to ruin your wedding for you.  People not coming isn’t something you can control.  There is many reasons why even with a June STD that people can’t make it in Feburary.  Unexpected expenses, work conflicts, weather conflicts, health and just burn out are all things that can happen to your guests.  It doesn’t mean they don’t care, but they have to take care of themselves first. Appriciate everyone who can be there, and let go of people that can not be there.  

Post # 8
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

Mrstobe26:  I’m also confused at why you are upset. It sounds like you got 62 RSVPs? Are you afraid that some of the people who RSVP’d will change their mind?

I think that a low acceptance rate the chance you take having a Sunday wedding, especially one that involves some travel. 

Post # 9
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

Mrstobe26:  Be happy you have that many people who said yes.  We had a semi-DW and we had over 50% decline.  We invited 130 and had less than 60 attend all told (we had expected 75). 

It sucks that people back out last minute, we had a few that really hurt for me, but the people who come are what matters and your wedding will be perfect regardless.

Post # 10
230 posts
Helper bee

I know in my head that the No’s and no-shows weren’t a personal affront, but it is human to FEEL like they are. 


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  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  pinkandgold88.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  pinkandgold88.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  pinkandgold88.
  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  pinkandgold88.
Post # 11
42166 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There will always be last minute emergencies for some people. Those are understandable.

It is incredibly rude for guests to simply not show up and not have notified the hosts. It only takes a minute to make a quick phone call or text. Even in  a legitimate emergency , one can almost always take that moment.

Post # 12
230 posts
Helper bee


I agree with PP to try to lower your expectations now to avoid hurt later (easier said than done. :)) but I remember feeling like you and it did hurt when people either RSVP’d Yes and didn’t come or RSVP’d no and didn’t say why (I know, I know, not my business- people can do whatever they want, yada, yada, yada, I still wondered why though.).

Like others are saying, those closest/most important to you will be there, and if they aren’t as long as your DH is there, that’s all that matters.

It’s ok to have these feelings, you’re not the only one who felt this way and honestly sometimes I’m confused why there’s so much push back on a wedding support board.

I have come to the conclusion that even though I respond best to a “Yeah! I know what you mean! I felt like that, too!” response, a lot of Bees give you the devil’s advocate response to show you another side, or point out something that is intended to make you rethink why you’re upset.

To each his own I suppose. Public internet forums- you win some, you lose some! 🙂

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  pinkandgold88.
Post # 15
653 posts
Busy bee

People have lives and although YOURS revolves around you and your wedding day, unfortunately it isn’t so for anyone else.  Nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do, so you have to think of it more like a “party” to everyone else.  People flake.  It is what it is.

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