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I think my biggest wedding fear must be that the reception's look and feel won't be cohesive, just chaotic, ugly, confusing, and unmemorable. So looking at the posts on Style Me Pretty sometimes just makes me want to die. Everything is just SO PERFECT. Take for example this wedding: http://www.stylemepretty.com/2010/03/25/parking-garage-wedding-by-hannah-bergman/ Now, the wedding is NOTHING like what I am intending for my own, but I am still in awe of how beautiful everything came out. The bride is a graphic designer and a photographer, so not only does she have training in the sort of artistic vision necessary to carry out a flawless wedding, she is also model-gorgeous and and knows precisely how to pose for the camera, probably due in large part to her experience as a photog. When I see weddings like this, I just want to throw in the towel and get married in a Vegas quickie because I fear nothing I do will ever be as gorgeous or well put-together.
Am I totally a loony perfectionist or does anyone else get this?
Ha I think you are just getting a little worked up, don't fret!!! I've been saying to my FI that I wish we could have like 5 weddings because I have so many different visions in my head, even though I LOVE what we envision and are planning for ours. You can't base your wedding on someone else's, don't do that to yourself! You can only go by what you want and the budget you have to work with and what makes you and your FI happy. I'm sure yours will be wonderful and everything you wanted, and you will be a beautiful bride :) And don't forget, you're getting married!!
Hang in there, quit looking at that wedding lol!! *hugs*
I totally get what you mean. I'm afraid that people are going to show up at my wedding and be like "wth is all this stuff?" in terms of my decor choices. Or that my vision isn't going to transfer to reality well or look nice in pictures. I feel like those wedding photographed on SMP have so much stuff going on but look so cohesive and beautiful, while my reception is going to look very minimal and unorganized with a lack of focus.
Girl I think you aren't loony! I hope that all my little details come off perfect but if they don't one thing will remain the same... I'll be married :)
Also, one thing to keep in mind is that we only see a few pictures from the wedding and those are the best of group of photos.
I don't think you are alone in your opinion on SMP. I feel the same way! Plus, I am having a ballroom wedding in Chicago, and they rarely feature those. It makes me feel like I am missing out a little just because I am not getting married in the middle of a forest or a beautiful garden. My favorite is when they post mock-receptions with a single table in a field or something similar. Everything is perfect! How realistic is that? Not everyone lives near farms and spacious parks or has hours to set up the reception space. Me? I am too much of a control freak to face the possibility of rain on an outdoor wedding.
Agh Miss Stephanie, that's just how I feel! I wouldn't want my wedding to be LIKE anyone else's...just to turn out as well-executed as those perfect little dream-like snippets on SMP! And I worry that it's going to majorly fail at that. I appreciate you guys' support and in truth my wedding might turn out just fine, but it's so easy to get down when there are so many weddings on that website that look as if you could've hired a five-year-old as your photographer and everything still would have looked breathtaking and perfect.
@vintage2010...you are right, they do show very few photos...and that probably does create a bit of an illusion. But when you see those photos, doesn't it seem hard to imagine that anything was imperfect about their weddings? I don't know, just drives me batty (as you can see).
I love the details in this one; totally what I would be going for. *Swoon*
http://www.stylemepretty.com/2010/03/25/connecticut-wedding-by-union-photo/
I've felt the same way too, as I slave over my backyard to make it wedding worthy. It feels like it will never be as pretty as suchandsuch wedding; then I have to remind myself that, duh, it won't look like the pictures, because they're pictures. The majority of wedding design blogs post detail shots...the weddings don't actually look like that.
So, taking that wedding you posted for example: it's hard to tell it's in a parking garage because they never give you a full-on shot of the space. Nor do we see the guests. We get a really jilted view of reality.
How annoying is it, though, that we're trying to live up to these unrealistic standards? With a few good photos, anyone's wedding can look like a million bucks!
@vaness: yeah, the mock-receptions are so frustrating! Thanks for the inspiration, JERKS. Like anyone's wedding could ever be like that. My wedding isn't in a forest/outside either, it's in some dead white guy's former mansion. Haven't seen too many like that on SMP either.
@Minutiae: yeah, I found the fact that we couldn't tell what the space was really like to be a bit disconcerting. It just made it feel like the bride was some creative genius whose standards I could never live up to though, haha.
This is mostly why I deleted 90% of the wedding blogs off my google reader. Unrealistic standards and all the pressure to have this magazine worthy wedding was stressing me out!!
Think about it this way: they pick and choose the very best aspects of the wedding to show off. Add to that that they pick the best weddings that are submitted to feature. It's a lot to live up to, but I bet even those "perfect" weddings had some not-as-imagined details that the bride noticed.
I also feel like sometimes the photographers make things look "better" than in real life, if that makes sense ... I mean, if you take 10 of the best photographs from one of the top photographers, it'll make any wedding look platinum!
I actually removed SMP from my google reader because every single wedding looks so perfect and it seems like everyone is a graphic designer/artists/florist/caterer with friends in every industry who help them out and have no budget. I think there is a lot of pressure for brides who are doing a DIY wedding to make it look like a Martha Stewart wedding and to make it look magazine or blog-worthy. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have everything look like professional perfection and our resources are encouraging us to put this pressure on ourselves.
Just a little vent :-)
Yeah...I need to stop looking at blogs...they make me feel like my wedding is gonna suck. Especially the photography - ugh, I'll never be able to afford photography :(
I've found a lot of good ideas from style me pretty.. at the same time the website is annoying and the wedding veganglam discusses is a perfect example- while they are busy featuring olives on a cute tray, I have no idea what the parking garage ceremony looks like. (And also the bridesmaids look cute, but that outfit looks like an outfit I wear to work)
If someone took eight to ten detail photos of my house, they would get some cute shots like my adorable anthropologie plates in my china cabnet, my collection of teapots, perhaps me in some cute tights and shoes, pottery barn curtains, um... and bread in my swoon worthy bread basket*? The point is my house isn't that exciting, but it does have some really cute things in it. They (whoever they are) wouldn't take a picture of my fugly brown couch that has dog hair all over it, or my second floor bedroom that has wallpaper ripped down and water damage from all the snow, or my bathroom that is waiting to be redecorated. So that is how I think of these weddings. I'm sure there are some elements that suck. lol.
*I dont have a swoon worthy bread basket
i can't even look at SMP any more! they all seem like idyllic, DIY weddings to the extreme. i have to work and have to rely on awesome vendors. oh well
I deleted SMP from my bookmarks. The weddings are too perfect, or rather they are photographed too perfectly. (Which leads to angst about the level of photography I can afford, too). I have actually cried bitter tears of hopelessness after looking at Style Me Pretty. At work. On my lunch break. How pathetic is that.
@lilyfaith...PERFECTLY said...I ditto that (but wouldn't have said it as well!)
I also hope that my wedding looks as amazing as Style Me Pretty and my other favorite wedding blogs. I know that when it comes down to it, I end up being pretty easy going, but I am still going to try my darnest to make my wedding PERFECTION!! ;) hehe
yes totally know how you feel! its inspiring, overwhelming, and makes you feel like crap all at the same time. I get it.
i agree with @flamingred completely! In the photographs, they show little vignettes and "still lifes" that are perfectly styled and fussed over, but what about all the other aspects of the wedding we don't see? i bet they aren't perfect.
STILL...those photos show just enough so girls like us feel like that is the standard and anything below that is just a crap-ass wedding. i feel ya, but try to take the "inspiring" feeling from these photos and leave the "my wedding will never be good enough" feelings and toss them aside.
I think everyone worries about their wedding not living up to others' expectations -- many Bees (myself included) have even written about how worried they were of sharing their recaps and living up to the beautifulness of past Bee weddings -- but not to worry, each wedding is gorgeous and fabulous in its own way. Don't stress! :)
Ugh, YES. Thanks for this post... and I agree with all the other posters! I've also deleted the SMP bookmark because it was hard to wade through all that perfection which was inspirational at first, but is hard to process into our real world wedding planning. :(
I definitely find SMP to be a bit depressing. I like to look at the lovely pictures for inspiration, but I know that my wedding will be nothing like that- we just don't have the money or the time, and will likely be in our local church hall (or something similar). It makes me really down on myself, when I think that my wedding will be nothing like any of those, even though I'd love to have a wedding that great. I just try to remind myself that the important parts are mine and FI's commitment to one another, and to celebrating with our family and friends- the dreamy landscape and details are secondary to that.
Her wedding is so gorgeous it's almost....too much. I guess I envision my wedding simple, pretty, outside with my family and friends, some daisies, white holiday lights and a few touches here and there. This wedding is gorgeous but seems overdone. I want my wedding to be beautiful yet laid back. It looks like she's living in a parallel twilight universe where EVERYTHING down to the last detail, is stylish. A bit overwhemling for me. But I do agree that there is that sinking feeling in my mind like I'm not going to have the time or money to do all that.
I agree that with the extreme close-ups of everything, it's hard to know what the wedding itself looked like. It creates the visual illusion that you're looking at the backdrop of the wedding, but then you realize that some of those details must have been very small things sitting on a table.
I agree - it looks like so much effort went into each tiny little detail of those weddings - it makes me feel guilty for not trying as hard with mine. I definitely could be spending every minute I'm not at work doing wedding planning, but I don't have the time - I want to see friends once in a while, work out, read, spend time with my FI. I don't want the wedding to take over my life. And yet, every time I see an SMP wedding, I feel like I should let it.
I actually don't like most SMP weddings-If I see one more fake moustache, circus theme. or "budget" wedding in which the bride is wearing Louboutins and the wedding planner comped their fee I will go crazy! To me most of the weddings seem sort of childish, and so self consciously styled.
I love this thread! Ditto everything everyone has already said!
I totaly agree with this thread. Many of the Blogs made me feel inferior, especially in the photography department.
Not to start a fight here, especially because I relate to the OP, but since when does wearing designer shoes mean a wedding is not budget? Dresses and shoes can be bought used or on sale. Snap judgements about what people wear can get nasty - what if a bride received Louboutins as a wedding gift from her parents? Or if they were her something borrowed? Or if they were bought off Ebay? Does that make her budget wedding inspiration any less helpful?
I agree @lilyfaith! I am having some splurges or designer touches such as my Vera Wang paper products but I am also saving in other areas such as my Davids Bridal gown (that I happen to LOVE!)
I was just using the Louboutins as an example. It just seems there are many weddings considered "budget" are so because high end services are donated.
Honestly I just got bored with the site very quickly-the weddings are all different in the same way.
It's tough looking at the posts sometime, but it's important to remember that most photos are closely cropped -- we almost never see a the full view. It's almost always just a great photographer making things look perfect :)
@luli29, I felt that way too! I was all, "$3000 for a photog is not going to happen, espcially when a wedding album is another $1000"! But then we found an awesome photog for around $200 an hour, and she comes with an assistant and a photobooth, she is cool, and flexible, and we love her stuff. We'll just have to pick and choose the photos we order, but I think we can get most of them on a DVD for a reasonable amount. GOod luck, you'll find the right one!
@lilyfaith - Interesting point. I think the issue with calling a wedding budget when it includes high-end products and services is that it creates an unrealistic expectation of what can be achieved for $5K, $10K, etc. I don't think designer shoes alone create this problem, but I'll often look at gorgeous photos of a "$5K" wedding and find out that photography was donated by a friend, the groom works for a catering company and got the products at cost, parents gave elements of the wedding as gifts, etc. It's just false advertising of a sort - rather than inspiring, it makes real brides feel bad.
I though i was the only one!!! But is true photographers make anything look gorgeous. Hire a good one!! ;)
It can definitely get intimidating, especially when in your head you can know how everything would look and be if all went 100% according to plan. Of course I think most of us know that no outcome is going to be perfect. Even though I realize this, I still get worried that my look won't be as cohesive/classy/whatever as someone else's. I know I shouldn't worry about comparison, but at this stage I can't help it.
It's similar to feeling insecure about what I will be able to accomplish with my budget. My FH & I are at that stage where all of our friends are getting married. In December, we attended a $50,000 wedding. In June, we will be attending a wedding with a similar budget. It is hard to not feel insecure about it because we share so many of the same guests, and we want our wedding to be as memorable and special as theirs were, even though it will be at a fraction of the budget.
My FH isn't worried about it, he tells me that those at our wedding are people who love us and will just be happy to spend the night celebrating with us. They aren't likely to remember the little things that brides spend so much time worrying about. Lucky for me, he keeps me grounded and reminds me of what really matters :)
@Cakegal and Girlwitharing -
I agree that it can get old when people brag about how they had "budget wedding" and you find that half of their services were donated by friends or contacts. You're right, there are a lot of blogs out there that are a wedding network - professionals who are friends and, as such, help out other friends. It can get old to hear that they pulled off such a beautiful wedding on $5,000 when half the services were offered up as gifts.
But I think that there's still a huge bias against brides who call their wedding budget when they do have something that is considered extravagant. I'm not trying to call anyone out in particular, I just want to generally make the point that it's rare that budget brides scrimp on every single aspect of the wedding. Budget is more about prioritizing, whether that means putting the venue or wedding dress in the splurge column, or photography or paper goods - you get the point.
I guess I personally find it funny because I tend to invest in a few expensive pairs of evening shoes and wear them over and over. Most likely my wedding shoes won't just be my wedding shoes - I'll wear them in many other situations, and they'll have been on sale or used (as is my dress.) So I know it would really upset me if, by some chance, my wedding was featured on a blog and picked apart for details like that.
I deleted SMP from my Google Reader feeds a week ago. I got sick of seeing the same thing over and over and over again.
I also disliked the reinforcing of the "in" trends. Nothing is original or unique about those wedding except that they likely cost a fortune.
Cynical me thinks that the whole site is funded by wedding vendors who like having brides drool over the high priced stuff featured since it encourages us to spend that much as well.
I don't think your crazy at all. It's depressing to see others weddings and think "Is mine going to be that _____(fill in with appropriate wording)___". I feel anxious about it because I know that my wedding budget is considerably lower then the average wedding, but I still want the fab wedding looking that comes with money. I think we all have to put it in perspective. We want our weddings to be different and to look like "us" and not joe blow down the block's wedding... keeping that in mind helps.
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