Post # 1
So, I’m 30 and I’m pretty much “at that age” where the past five years have been dedicated to bridal showers/weddings/baby showers/etc. I’ve been averaging about 6 weddings per year for the past five years and a lot of them have been out of town. So yes, in a way, I’m sad that I wasted the past 5 summers of my 20s going to weddings (literally back-to-back weekends sometimes). What I’ve realized is that as people get older and get married later, they tend to have more friends and can make more money…which means they can throw more lavish weddings. I just so happen to live in a part of the country where the average household income is ridiculously high (hello Facebook and Apple money!). So I got engaged this year and I’m working on saving money for my own wedding (no lavish by any means…I’m as low key as they come.)
So here’s my thing…in addition to saving for my own wedding, I know I already have several (OK…seven weddings) lined up for 2014. One of them is not easy to get to…I have to FLY into an airport…and then I have to rent a car and drive two-and-a-half hours to a fancy all-inclusive resort that costs guests $500 a (BEEPING!) night. Now, this is a HUGE lavish wedding with about 600+ guests. My fiance and I don’t know the bride and groom well, but I think FI feels obligated to attend. I personally don’t want to go…b/c it’s a $500 flight, at least $1300 for the hotel (two nights, plus resort fees and taxes), and about $200 to rent a car and pay for gas. I mean, it’s great that the bride and groom make a TON of money and can afford a lavish wedding at a remote locale…but could it kill them to chose a destination that is more convenient? The majority of guests are going to be forced to pay the same amount of money since the wedding venue is nowhere close to where either side of their friends and family are from. I don’t work in the tech industry, so I’m not using hundred dollar bills as toilet paper (pardon the horrible graphic), but COME ON! As hard as it may seem, there are people out there that don’t fit in with the 1%. I’m glad they found each other and want to celebrate, but the cost to attend their wedding is the cost of a huge percentage of my own wedding.
Have any of you Bees out there every experienced this? What have you done?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Don’t go if you can’t afford it.
Post # 4
Yikes! No, I have not experienced weddings where I had to pay so much to attend (unless it was a destination wedding on an island or in Europe). That is a lot to ask of your guests! I wouldn’t go if you can’t afford it, especially if they aren’t even relatively close friends.
Post # 5
@June14Bride: I hear you. Thankfully, most of my friends have been fairly considerate. We’re having a wedding that is local for us but destination for pretty much 100% of our guests. We’re NOT inviting most of our ‘new’ friends, we’re keeping it small with the people who have known us since before we were us (which was 9 years ago) with a couple of exceptions.
We are making efforts to transport our guests from the hotel to the venue and back etc to make things as comfortable and affordable as we can because we know that our guests will be spending a lot to come.
If you can’t afford this wedding, don’t go. Maybe it’s the wedding this bride has dreamed of since she was a little girl, it is what it is. I had to miss the wedding of a girl that I’ve known since I was 12 (18 years) over Thanksgiving because I couldn’t afford a second plane ticket in 6 weeks as I’d just been home for another wedding (which was planned a year before she was engaged). She understood, she was at the other wedding, knew I probably couldn’t come. I sent them a card and a gift. It is what it is, you can’t get to them all.
Post # 6
The way I see it is that if you’re having a wedding like that you need to understand that some people won’t be able to make it. We’re having a standard local wedding, but even with that I know that some out of town guests such as cousins will not be able to make it. I’m not going to disown them for it. I’ve had to skip a few out of town weddings whether it was timing or cost. I think most people can understand that.
Post # 7
@June14Bride: I guess it would depend on if you can afford it but it would also depend on why he feels obligated. It would have to be a really good reason for me to go!!
Post # 8
People who have destination weddings tend to do it to weed out guests. So if you can’t afford to go, don’t go. Unless you know them well and really feel like you should be there to support them AND you would want them to come to your wedding to support you…. then defintely don’t go if you can’t afford it.
Post # 9
I wouldn’t expect the bride and groom to have a less lavish wedding just to accomodate their guests. When they booked the venue, I’m sure they knew some people wouldn’t be able to make it. Don’t go if you can’t afford it.
Post # 10
I think a lot of the DW’s to which I have been invited are simply a way to offload a significant portion of the wedding expenses on to the guests.
The couple often honeymoons in the same location, so they would be paying their airfare , and often hotel, anyways.
Rather than host a wedding for 100 -150 people at home, they end up only have to pay for 30-50 in the destination location.
The vast majority of invited guests still send a gift, whether or not they were able to attend.
To the OP: in your case I would send my regrets. If we were planning our own wedding, we would be priorizing saving for that wedding, not spending a fortune to attend the wedding of someone we weren’t even that close to.
Post # 11
@June14Bride: I have not personally experienced this, but I don’t think I would go if it were costing an unreasonable percentage of my wedding budget to attend. I may budge if the obligation to go was serious. If someone is making it that difficult/costly for their friends to attend I think they would understand if some people were unable to make it.
Post # 12
If I can’t afford a wedding, I don’t go. Unless it’s my best friend and I’ve already saved up well in advance for her wedding.
Post # 13
@June14Bride: You’re never obliged to travel for a wedding, especially when it’s a destination wedding. In fact, people who choose destination weddings usually know (or should know) that many people can’t attend. I can’t fathom why your FI feels obliged to attend if he doesn’t know them well. I think it’s time you put your foot down and told your FI “no more destination weddings”, and if he still won’t budge, tell him he’ll need to go alone then because you’re not going.
p.s. I realise you’re venting but you didn’t waste those summers and no one forced you to go to those weddings. There’s nothing wrong with skipping a wedding if you have other plans, e.g. a vacation.
Post # 14
I wouldn’t go to a wedding like that unless they were like my best friends or really close family members.
Post # 15
@June14Bride: Dont go if you cant or dont want to pay!! 600 people and youre not even close to them?? Goodness- they won’t even notice you’re not there!
Edited for spelling 🙂
Post # 16
I just don’t go. And I don’t feel the least bit badly about it, either. The list of people I’d travel to attend their wedding for include our siblings, and our very best friends (I’m talking, 5 people total here). Anyone else who gets married far away? Sorry. I’ve skipped my cousins weddings, good friends weddings, etc. I’m just not spending that much money to go to a wedding. Just not.