Post # 1
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we finally got engaged a few months ago. I am SO excited to get married to him as I love him with all my heart and he is my best friend. We booked the church for next May (2011) and I can’t wait for the ceremony.
Only thing is, I am not really excited about planning the reception. I am a very detail oriented artsy person so everyone expects the wedding to be amazing, but I really have no interest in matching linens, flowers or party favors…. I just want to have a party to celebrate our marriage. It’s not that I’m a tomboy or anything thing, I am girly but I can’t help but feel like I am the only bride in the whole world who feels this way…
Does/Did anyone else feel this way before their wedding?
Post # 3
I can definitely relate to you! And every one of my guy friends could probably relate too. 🙂
Post # 4
Have you thought about hiring a wedding planner? At least with her, you don’t really have to worry about any of the details or calling all the venues, etc etc. You can basically show up to your wedding and not have to worry about anything.
Post # 5
Totally. I’m on weddingbee all the time, and like being part of this community and seeing what other brides are planning, but lately I have not been excited about planning our own reception. I just want to hang out with my partner, my family, and eat some food. Without spending money or time on the details or a wedding coordinator or anything. I guess I want it to look nice, but can’t figure out who I want it to look nice for – me? Us? The guests? Sometimes I wish we had just eloped. For me, I’m just feeling lazy, I guess.
Post # 6
Well we have a tight budget as were paying for most of the wedding ourselves… so unfortunately the coordinator is out of the question.
BUT it’s not really that, I’ve been to at least 15 weddings, I don’t remember any of the centerpeices, chair covers or even bridemaid dresses etc. Maybe it’s because I’m older (I just turned 30) but it just seems like a waste. It’s like we spend all this time and money on something that’s been done a million times the same way with a hotel ballroom, a limo and a dj…
I’m just not really as excited about the reception details as I thought I would be, especially because I feel like all these people are judging (“oh and what kind of flowers are you going to have” it’s like what if I don’t even want to have flowers?) and i was wondering if any other brides felt the same way.
Post # 7
I have periods of disinterest, but then I always get back into it after a break. I completely agree with you about the details like flowers, invites, etc: they don’t matter at all! I think the only reason to spend time on stuff like that is for your own enjoyment. If you don’t enjoy it, don’t do it!
While we’re having many traditional elements in our wedding, we are skipping anything that we don’t want to do. We’re not doing a limo or a hotel ballroom or a seated dinner. Why don’t you plan a nontraditional wedding rather than doing the same things you’ve seen over and over? You’ll be more into it, and I’m sure your guests will thank you as well.
One suggestion if you don’t want to spend time on decor details, if you get a room in a restaurant – it comes with an ambiance and decor already there.
Post # 8
when i read your post, i was left wondering if you’re disinterested, or just scared about the planning.
i felt the same way at first (i love my fiancee, i want to marry him, but i don’t want to plan a wedding, even though i’m a complete control freak in most other aspects of my life…etc), but when i really started thinking about why i didn’t care, it was the cost that was scaring me.
once i accepted that, it almost became like a game. how little can i spend on this, and still be true to us? what can i leave out entirely, because we just don’t care? how crazy can i get with the reception?
i think it helps that our family supports us completely with whatever we decide to do, but when i read your post it just made me want to encourage you that it’s YOUR wedding. do what you want, and don’t care what other people think. it’s for you and your fiance, and no one else.
or maybe i’m just misinterpreting. 🙂 but you know what else? i’m not having flowers. and i’m good with that.
Post # 9
You can have an amazing wedding without matching linens, flowers, or favors. It will be amazing because it is the start of your marriage – whatever else you want to do that day is secondary, so you should ABSOLUTELY skip the things that don’t speak to you. Of course, your fiance or family might have other opinions, and you’ll need to negotiate that. But there’s no reason to put lots of effort into stuff you don’t care about.
Post # 10
i go back and forth between being totally sucked into wedding details and not wanting anything to do with anything “bridal.” the part i’m looking forward to the most right now is the rehearsal dinner, when we get together with everyone beforehand, it’s focused on family and there’s less “wedding event” pressure (how the flowers look, whether the vendors are on time, have we thanked everyone, etc.)…your feelings are totally valid and you’re not alone. as long as your guests are comfortable, they will not care about matching linens or centerpieces either. they’re probably just asking now to express interest in the event.
Post # 11
I cannot Wait for this whole thing to be over! I can’t wait to be married to the love of my life but that is the Only thing I am excited about! This whole planning thing has been a major pain in the neck, I am so not interested in this whole spectacle. It’s funny, maybe cause I’m an older bride, but really I only want to be his wife and could do without the whole day. But then if I didn’t do it would I regret it? I’m glad you posted that question cause I was beginning to think there was something missing in me!!
Post # 12
I felt exactly the same way. I’m an artist and designer and I love weddings but the thought of planning all the details of my own was totally overwhelming. My friends were all so competitive with their weddings and I wanted no part of it. (My fiance and I would have been happy just eloping but our families wouldn’t forgive us if we did). We booked a venue pretty quickly and then I didn’t want to think about any wedding plans for a long while. Five months later when I started trying on dresses I did get more into the other wedding details and we eliminated the other stuff that we didn’t care about.
I would suggest just not thinking about the wedding planning for a while. Enjoy being engaged. If there are certain parts of you’re wedding you’re not that interested in, or feel you’re only doing it because its what others expect- just eliminate it. Only do what is fun for you.
Post # 13
I’ve felt this was through most of the process!! I really just wanted to have a 2-person ceremony while on our honeymoon (I STILL want that), but EVERYONE told me we’d regret it. I’m a super social person and totally dig a good party…I just don’t have the patience to plan one (I’m not a very decisive person) and feel like the more formal weddings aren’t me (or us!) at all. We solved this by planning a much more casual affair than most. We’re getting married on a farm, having corn-on-the-cob at the reception, a lot of DIY & mismatched charm…we want everyone to have a good time, but we’re also going to take a bit of liberty with certain etiquette “rules”.
Post # 14
As you can see there are a lot of brides out there who feel the way you do. I’m definitely on that list. I was totally against a wedding (but pro-marriage!) until I found out how much my Fiance wanted one. I told him that unless he helped with the planning, it wasn’t going to happen. So far it’s been a fun project to do together. First thing we did was scratch everything we’re “supposed” to do or buy and made a list of things that we’d like. It’s been really helpful in focusing on what’s important. Also, finding our venue (an old amusement park) helped solidify our carnival “theme” which is making picking out details like centerpieces (bubblegum machines!) much easier than I imagine it would be for a more traditional wedding.
I’m also a 30 yr old bride and I know that I wouldn’t regret not having a wedding if Fiance didn’t want one. But our love is a great reason to celebrate so what the heck. I’m just not being super serious about it. I love GirlwithaRing’s idea of having the reception at a restaurant so you don’t have to deal with the details. I’d definitely consider that if I had to start over.
My sister just got married last fall and she’s become by go-to organizer, do you have someone in your life that would be excited by helping with details? She loves it and I love not having to think about it as much.
Most fo all, don’t feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do!!! If you’re doing it for your family then make sure they really want it! I’d also recommend staying away from wedding blogs as I’ve noticed that I start to feel inadequate when I see the awesome receptions people have put together, or maybe that’s just me. I stick to places like Indiebride and blogs like apracticalwedding.com.
Good luck! Brides like you are always out here to commiserate with 🙂
Post # 15
Me, oooh, me, me, too!
We have been editing our wedding vision lately and pretty much come up with the same thing — yay for the ceremony, but the ‘reception’ is going to be a big cookout, essentially. No first dances, no garter, no toasts, just mingling and food! I just don’t enjoy that stuff, and it’s not really “us.” So I say don’t worry about it! Go with what makes you two happy.
Post # 16
I feel exactly the same way! I hate that people have all of these expectations about weddings and I feel like I am always trying to keep up with them. I am just trudging through this because I have to and I am going to be so happy when it is over and I can just be married!
My advice to you is to find good vendors and let them help you. Find people that are easy to work with (because it will make your life easier) and then let them do what they do best. Like we found a band we liked and, rather than spending all this time and effort making song lists, we told them to just play the music they like to play. We gave direction in style, but other than that they can play what feels good to them. They are going to do a better job and I have to worry less. Who cares as long as the music is good? Same with the caterer. We found one we liked and we are giving them kind of free range in what they make. I figure if these people are experts, why not take advantage of it? Less work, less stress, happier me!