Post # 1
Fi and I have been engaged for LESS THAN A WEEK, and already family members and friends are attempting to plan our wedding… like… down to the last detail. My sis in-law has announced herself as “honorary wedding planner”, and yesterday she texted me to tell me that she found my wedding dress , I have a cousin who for some reason she feels that she has the right to choose our bridesmaids, and when I went to vent about it to my bestfriend (and future maid of honor) it’s like she didnt hear a word. I thought we would have a good laugh about it, and maybe it was wrong of me to assume that she would understand that fi and I haven’t even taken our eyes off the ring yet- we surely haven’t set an exact date or color pallet yet, but she wasn’t any different lol. She went on to tell me all her ideas and the “what we HAVE to make sure we buy”. *sigh* I’m exhausted already.
Please don’t confuse this with me being ungrateful! We are extrememly happy that everyone is just as excited as we are, and it’s super important that everyone is on board with us 🙂
…but how do I stop the “take over”?
Is anyone else going through something similar?
Fi and I are a little worried there’s too many “cooks in the kitchen” if you know what I mean, and we don’t want to be pushed.
We want to include family members and close friends somehow… just not with the big stuff… any suggestions on how to politely say “back off”?
Post # 2
In 99% of cases I wouldn’t worry… This is just how people get when you are first engaged. Excited and want to be part of it. I bet in 3 months when you really need help no one will be offering up color suggestions and must buy lists
if it’s the 1% where your family really does try to take over then just be firm but calm and say something like you are excited to plan this together w FI but could they work on ….( and delegate a small task ….finding a bus company for transportation to the site, card box, address of great aunt gerty)
no one can take over unless you let them….otherwise its just all opinions/suggestions and just nod and say something like “oh interesting i never considered that”
Post # 3
I think everyone is just super excited right now. In a few weeks or months it will all die down. If they do end up wanting to take over (which will only happen if you let them), you just need to tell them that while you value their input, you have decided to go with option A.
Post # 4
I understand how u feel…I’ve been engaged almost a month and had several people go ahead and tell me what my flowers will be, my colors, y’all are getting married at our church, blah blah blah
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Ugh. I hope it’s just excitement!! If they don’t stop, you’ll have to nip it in the bud. Give it a month!
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course
Just give it a bit of time like PPs said. I got a similar reaction, and I kind of brushed it aside for 2-3 weeks and eventually after getting not much response people stopped saying those kinds of things. Just say things like “Thanks I’m still thinking on that colour palette” or “No I haven’t gotten around to dress shopping yet, still lots of time though!”
Post # 7
Not me, but my cousin. She has been engaged for about a year, but in May announced she would be getting married in July. Her sister was planning a shower, then everything was scrapped when her FIs family stepped in. They told her sister that “they will let her know about the shower”, they didn’t like the venue she had chosen for the reception, and picked another one. They even took her to cake tastings and other wedding related planning and didn’t even ask my aunt, her mother, if she wanted to come along. It seems as if her family is non-existent. My cousin is too afraid, I believe, to speak her mind because she doesn’t want to make her FI upset. (they claim they don’t fight, but it is because they each kiss the other’s butts).
Post # 8
twobridesMD: yeah, they’re just excited – my friends have been driving me a bit nuts too! I think they have no idea how much a wedding costs, because they keep asking if we’re going to have certain things – a photo booth, a day-after party (are you joking??). I know they’re not doing it to be rude or anything. I just kind of laugh it off or ignore it. I know they will understand when their time comes lol