- Mrs Grape
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2010
DH and I are grappling with a difficult issue at the moment. While we’d love to be parents, we’ve decided that dealing with my fertility issues (and other health issues) is just not worth the monetary and emotional strain. My SMIL and SSIL mean very well, but when we were up visiting a few weeks ago, they kept stressing that we “should at least try to have a baby before adopting.” It was heartbreaking…it made me sad, and it also made me feel like something is wrong with me because I don’t even want to try.
I know that endometriosis is not an automatic infertility sentence, but my doctor also advised me that treatments/medications and probably an additional surgery to remove tissue before TTC would be necessary. I’d also have to monitor my TSH very carefully during pregnancy, and I would never forgive myself if something happened to our kid–because despite a person’s best intentions, things can still go wrong. DH and I have had many discussions about this and have decided that, in light of all this, forgoing TTC entirely is the best and most responsible course of action. He doesn’t want me to put my health at risk for something like this when we can just as easily adopt, and obviously neither of us want to risk the health of our potential child. The risks far outweigh the benefits for us–there is just too much that could go wrong.
In short, DH and I are working on coming to terms with the fact that a biological child is not in the cards for us, and yet family members continue to pressure us to “at least try.” It’s maddening, and I feel like there’s no one who understands what we’re going through right now. Even worse than the pressure is the feeling that I’m completely alone in this. I’ve done a fair amount of Googling, and from what I’ve seen, I’m either the only young woman faced with fertility issues who does not want to try to conceive, period…or at least, the only one who will openly admit to it. 🙁 Am I really as alone as I feel right now, Bees?
I’m just tired of hearing things like, “Time is on your side! You’re young!” and “Well, you should still try.” Even worse is when people imply that because I’m young, I will inevitably change my mind and want to try later on, when DH and I have known for a while that we just don’t want to. Thoughts, advice? Resources? Anything that will make me feel less alone would be wonderful at this point.
I know most of the comments come from a caring, well-meaning place, but it definitely doesn’t make it easier to hear, especially when I’m still struggling to come to terms with a fairly difficult issue. Knowing that we’re doing the right thing for us makes me feel a little better, but it’s still hard.