(Closed) Does anyone else not even want to try?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I  think that your family is thinking they are helping you by staying positive for you.  Let them know that you are ok with not trying, and that the more they push, the worse they make you feel. 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going the adoption course without trying for a biological child, if that’s what you and your husband have decided on.  You two know what the best path is for you.  So, even though it’s difficult to do, try to keep your family’s thoughts out of your head and do what you want. 

Post # 5
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I know exactly how you feel. Adopt when you’re ready and if you happen to have a biological child? That’s just icing on the cake. You don’t have to wait to adopt, there are so many children that need loving parents. No one says you can’t have both, right? /hugs because I know how frustrating family can be when they just don’t understand.

Post # 6
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Whoa do I feel your pain. I was just having a similar discussion with a friend of mine who has PCOS. I myself have both Endo and PCOS. I call it my “fertility death sentence.” :/ It’s not, I logically know that, as do you, but it’s rough.

If you guys are firm in your adoption plans, by all means, go for it! Adoption is a beautiful thing. My mother and father were both adopted, and so was my youngest sister. Even with that being the case, my mother still talks about/mentions IVF and other methods that FI and I aren’t necessarily comfortable with, or financially able to do, etc.

We haven’t made a decision like it sounds like you guys have, but we talk about it quite often. For now, we are chickening out on a real decision until after the wedding in a few months.

I think that if you guys are united and strong with your decision, then they just have to accept it and move on. They need to respect that it is not their choice, and maybe you even need to discuss that with them literally. They are well-meaning, yes, but it still pricks at you.

 

Post # 8
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I totally get it.  I don’t have any known issues and still it’s really hard.  You would be saving your marriage and a body a lot of stress and if you and your husband are 100% ok with adoption then don’t let the family get to you too much.  They will love the child just as much.

Post # 9
Member
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

You know what? I think that your thought process is pretty spectacular. You are making the decision that is best for you and your husband. You are thinking about your fertility problems & what might happen to a future biological child (healthy wise).

And in response to those comments of “You are still young!” or “Time is on your side!”… THAT is not the issue. You aren’t saying that you are too old to have kids. That’s not the problem at hand. So if that’s not the issue, then those comments aren’t the answer. (I know it’s hard to explain that to your family. But it’s true!)

You are also being very mature when thinking about paying off student loans, etc. 

I think the best thing to do would be for you and your husband to give yourselves some time to make your decision and come to terms with that decision. Adoption is a big decision. So if you give yourselves the time to talk about it, hear each other’s feelings about it, and then come to a decision together (it sounds lik you guys are pretty much there!), then you will see you have a million reasons why adoption is right for you.

You guys only have to make this decision for yourselves. That is all that matters. You & your husband. The future mommy & daddy.

You WILL have to understand that it might take your familiies some time to get used to your decision. And that’s ok. They have probably had this idea of you being pregnant and giving them a grandchild (or niece/nephew). If you guys do adopt, they will still love that grandchild just as much as they would love a biological idea. It just might take them a little time to get over what they have imagined for many years.

 

And one last thing– if they say that you will change your mind one day, then tell them that’s ok! You reserve the right to change your mind! If you guys decide to adopt, and then at some point decide to try to have a child biologically, that’s ok! People do it all the time. There is nothing wrong with having one biological child and one adopted child (your family does, right, if your sister is adopted?). And there’s also nothing wrong with two (or more!) adopted children. You don’t have to have your future 100% figured out. if adoption is the right choice for you right now, then maybe save up for it, and then start the process when you are ready. You don’t have to commit to anything beyond the first adoption. You can decide about the rest later!

GOOD LUCK! I’m sorry that you are in such a difficult position. I’m sure it is very wearing and trying on you. But the fact that you are giving it so much thought and trying to figure out what is best means that you will be a GREAT MOMMY, no matter how it happens! Good luck!!!!!!!!

Post # 11
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry.  My situation isn’t as bad as yours but I still worry about if I can have kids and if I can, what it would do to my body.  Good luck with kids however you decide to have them.

Post # 12
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If I remember correctly, you said you had thyroid problems as well (maybe due to other health problems?).  Anyhow, not to get “all up in your business” : )  I just wanted to put my 2 cents in and tell you that as a fellow thyroid sufferer, my FI and I (after marriage) may take the road of adoption as well if we decide to have a child.  I just think it’s going to be tough to find the right dose again (after 2 yrs of finding it) with crazy TSH changes after pregnancy.  I’m not saying I’m ruling out pregnancy, but you have to go with what you think is right.  It’s our bodies, our worries and a decision to be made between you and your DH.  I just wanted to say, since I understand your reasoning and what you’ve been through I can understand why you are considering adoption.  People that have not experienced some of these health problems (like your SMIL & SSIL), really don’t understand.

You better believe I would also welcome my adopted baby into my arms as my own.  In fact, my eyes are tearing up as I type this.  Since I’ve been through so much medically, I just feel a strong calling towards adoption and it’s unexplainable.

 

Post # 14
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Mrs Grape: feeling alone AND unheard <– yep. You can talk about it with people that don’t understand it all day long and, while some may empathize, I never feel as if anyone “gets” it unless they have the same or similar issues. Maybe that’s why I’m pretty open about it… because I really wish people understood. Though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I think you and I are around the same age (early 20s?) and that on top of trying to make these decisions is quite difficult. I’m tired of being told I “may change my mind” about things. Of course I might. It sucks being told, basically, that people don’t think we’ve thought about it enough…when really, if you’re anything like me, you’ve thought about it TOO much. :/

Post # 15
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Mrs Grape: Yep, I know what you are saying.  People just don’t understand that “off” feeling and can be so rude about it. They have no idea how much the thyroid controls in your body and even though you don’t “look” sick (besides the weight gain, hair loss and all of the other wonderful -note: sarcasm– symptoms), you still feel like hell. Disregard the ignorance and stay true to yourself, that’s all that matters in the end. I often wished that others could feel even 50% of what I felt on a daily basis, but they will never understand. Perhaps in the future they will come to their senses, but for now just keep doing what you’re doing.  The biggest part is that your DH understands… and that is everything.

The topic ‘Does anyone else not even want to try?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors