Post # 1
This sound awful, but DS is 3 weeks old, and I’m just not enjoying motherhood and maternity leave as much as I would’ve thought. I love my son, but it’s not like I’m overwhelmed by that feeling all the time, because I do feel resentful occasionally. I knew it would be hard and I’d be sleep-deprived, but actually being sleep deprived makes it much harder to cope with things. Yesterday he cried constantly for nearly an hour, nothing I did made him stop, and finally I burst into tears, so I put him in his crib and took a quick shower to calm myself down and drown out the noise. He was still crying when I got out, but luckily stopped when I picked him up, although then I was afraid to put him down again so I sat there in my underwear for an hour before I got dressed.
Sometimes he’ll soil himself while I’m changing him, going through multiple diapers/outfits, and screeching the whole time, and I just get so frustrated I want to either yell or walk away. I’m pumping to get ready to return to work, and it makes me feel like an industrial milking cow, plus it’s hard to do while DS is here because if he cries I can’t really do anything about it. I had help at home the first two weeks, but now I’m by myself all day, and when Darling Husband gets home all I want to do is hand him the baby and go be by myself for a few hours.
I think this is probably normal, and I don’t think I’m depressed at all, just having a hard time dealing with the loss of my independence. It’s also so cold out and flu season, so I don’t feel like I can go out with him. But I’m hoping other Bees occasionally feel this way too, so I don’t just feel like th worst mother on the planet.
Post # 3
Definitely felt a lot of the things you are talking about. Good news, it does get better! Hang tight mama, you can do it!
Post # 4
@ZoeyGirl: Girrrrl, hang in there. It gets better, and it happens really soon. What you are feeling is normal, you are not a bad mother.
Could you bring up your feelings at your next pedi appointment, or with your ob/gyn/midwife? There are normal baby blues, and there’s PPD, but it would take a health care pro to really make that call. It seems like it would be easier to treat and it would go away more quickly if you start treatment early (if it’s needed).
Do you have any friends or family nearby who could come help out for a few hours? There’s something liberating and refreshing about wandering around Target alone for an hour! You can shower, nap, or even have an uninterrupted meal!
Ask for help. Take deep breaths. Understand that you’re new at this, and so is that sweet baby. Everyone is doing their best!
Post # 5
@ZoeyGirl: you sound a lot like my sister. I personally don’t have children, so I only have second hand experience, but I don’t know a single mother who hasn’t had to put their child down and walk away for fear of screaming at them to shut up.
I’m sure you’re a wonderful mother and you’re doing a great job ((HUGS))
Post # 6
It is so hard adjusting to having a baby and it’s really good that you’re acknowledging how you feel and looking to sort it out. I felt this way too with my Dirty Delete, I’d always been very independent and suddenly having this being that relied on me 100% all day every day was exhausting and terrifying. It get’s easier once they’re a couple of months old as they feed slightly less, need slightly less nappy changes etc and are more…enjoyable! Do you get out much with baby? It’s really intimidating going out with a baby but I started going to baby/mum groups and just the reason to get us up and out of the house was helpful and made me feel as though I had other purposes apart from being a milk machine. Maybe look at buying a baby sling/body carrier so you can go on walks together where baby will hopefully sleep and you can get some fresh air and time out of the house.
I know it seems really stressful and exhausting but, especially if you’re going back to work soon, make the most of it. You’ve probably heard it a lot but it does go so fast and I long for the days when my Dirty Delete would just lie next to me and gurgle and kick around. Make some real bonding time, skin to skin in bed and just take time to maybe do baby massage and notice all the little things that make it worthwhile.
Have a look on facebook, there are lots of parenting pages where you can post anon questions and get some really great feedback from other mums (Natural Parent Magazine, look for local ones etc)
Things will improve, promise! ‘This too shall pass” as they say. 🙂
Post # 7
I think what you are feeling is common, but I would say it also sounds a bit like some PPD things possibly going on. I know many women say they get frustrated by baby crying and cry themselves. I think the exhaustion and hormones really can get to you. But I also want to assure you that it will get easier over the coming months, and as your baby reveals his personality you will feel increasingly in love with your baby and I think that makes you feel more patient and capable of handling his needs.
Post # 8
I felt the same. From talking to other mama bees who I have become really close with, it’s not uncommon. Newborns are hard work. Honestly, it’s not that fun. Then all of a sudden the baby smiles everytime you go get them out of the crib because they’re happy to see mommy, they laugh when you make goofy faces, and they spend more time playing than crying. I promise, it will get better.
Just an FYI, I had baby blues for the first few weeks. I thought I was feeling better, than around week 5 I started crying constantly and got horrible panic attacks. I went to my OB and she put me on meds, and I feel 99% better. If you do start to think you’re feeling depressed, go see your OB. It is nothing to be ashamed of!
ETA: If you have friends/family nearby that can give you a break, you should get out the house/nap/do whatever you choose to do to help you relax a bit. Or, just hand your son to your husband and go do what you have to do. I’ve done that a few times. It’s amazing how much better I felt after just walking around target by myself for an hour!
Post # 9
@ZoeyGirl: I have so much sympathy for you. Babysitting my nephew was enough for me to decide motherhood is more than I can handle. Just remember that as you saw, it’s not going to hurt him to let him cry sometimes. Its also not going to hurt your husband for you to hand him your son and go to Starbucks. You need to take care of yourself too. I’d be looking for a great babysitter for one evening a week. You can have date night twice a month and each of you have alone time the other weeks.
Post # 10
Yeah, it definitely sucks being stuck at home with a screaming infant who only poops, eats, Screams, and sleeps. I helped FI’s sister for the first month and it sucked. I don’t know how people get through it.
Post # 11
Don’t worry, you’re not the only mama out there feeling this way. Being a mother is wonderful but it’s also very difficult and if you were saying that when you have to hold a baby for hours in your underwear, cold and wet just so he won’t cry, you can’t believe how fun it is, then I’d say you’re in denial. Nah, you’re just being honest with yourself, and with everyone else, which is more than many dare to do. 🙂
It will get better. And sometimes worse. Hang in there, enjoy the good parts and keep reminding yourself that the hard part is temporary. Because really, what’s a few months in the course of a lifetime?
Post # 12
@ZoeyGirl: please come check out Hellobee. The site is full of mom’s that can lend additional support to you. Hang in there…the baby stage doesn’t last always.
Post # 13
The woman I nannied for once told me that when her baby was awake screaming at 3am and not latching properly and exploding diarrhea, she actually looked at her four week old baby and said “You know, I love your sister. But I hate you! Why can’t you be more like your sister?!”
Being overwhelmed and exhausted does not make you a bad Mommy! It happens to everyone!
Post # 14
@ZoeyGirl: Hang in there, mama! We are also dealing with a three-week-old, and it is challenging for both of us, especially the crying fits. A couple of things to keep in mind:
– Around the 3-week mark, most babies go through a growth spurt that makes them extra fussy. It will taper off!
– As the leader of one of our childbirth classes noted: “A crying/screaming baby is a breathing baby.” In other words, baby might be unhappy at the moment, but s/he is otherwise just fine and it really won’t be the end of the world if you need to step away for a few minutes to calm yourself. After all, you can’t help baby unless you have a handle on your own composure, and that can be hard in the middle of one of their screaming fits.
Something else you might check out: have you read Harvey Karp’s The Happiest Baby on the Block (or watched the movie – Netflix has it)? It includes some good strategies for helping get through the first three months when babies are so prone to crying and new parents need all the help they can get.
Post # 15
@ZoeyGirl: Definately normal, talk to any mother out there and they will tell you at one point that this is how they felt.
Please take to heart you are not a bad mom. Talk to your doc you may have a touch of PP.
Post # 16
I spent a measly afternoon with a baby and I felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I think you’re totally normal and doing a great job.