Post # 1
Ok, I don’t mean to offend anyone and I don’t even have any specific people in mind, however some of the things I read on here I feel like many bees just say nice things to be, say, politically correct and not hurt someones feelings. I was reading this girls drama/posts from a few months back and the whole time I was like, “oh my G-d seriously, I hope you do not marry your FI.” and other bees were just like, ‘don’t worry, things will get better, go to counselling, etc. etc.” and then I think she just got married a week or so ago. I know that obvisouly things like someones dress or shoes we won’t necessarily say, ‘ew that looks gross on you’ but when it concerns someone’s life with FI or friendships many times the general consensus is for everyone to be like ‘oh things will work out, good luck, keep trying!’ Maybe it’s just me, but I saw this womans life and wanted to shout out, stop now, you will be divorced soon but yet I would feel bad posting something like that on here. Just curious if anyone else out there feels that sometimes the whole ‘hive’ can be a bit too nice and not blunt when asked for our honest opinions. Sorry if this rubs people the wrong way, I absoultely love the WB and enjoy reading posts and taking polls, etc.
Post # 3
I think it’s true but I also think that a lot of people come here just to vent not to get realistic advice. If they want people’s honest opinions, usually they ask for it. Otherwise, it’s kind of an outlet to just get your frustrations out, maybe get some sympathy, and (hopefully) not be judged.
Post # 4
I think part of being a Bee is to be kind.
I also think anyone who relies on the opinions of absolute strangers on a forum to decide whether or not their relationship is secure should seek counselling.
I feel the truth is that people who post such angst ridden threads likely already know what they’re going to do to resolve (or ignore) their situation and want sympathy and/or to rant. I have to highly doubt that any sound minded person would take serious advice from a forum to heart. They’re just looking for a band-aid.
Post # 5
I think it’s sort of difficult for us to come in on a few paragraphs and tell someone to leave their FI. Unless someone is being abused, I really wouldn’t feel right saying don’t marry this person without them going to therapy first. Sometimes I say things that I don’t really mean and my husband is the same way and maybe if I posted those things, people would say that we should divorce too but I don’t think that would really help us any.
Post # 6
I can totally agree with your stance…
I try to be very clear with my my viewpoint.. not diluting my belief(s) on a topic… BUT also trying not to “close” an open ear shut.
I do find alot of the responses I see on hear to be pretty unrealistic when it comes from a “counsel” type position…
For the most part a problem in a dating/engagement relationship will NOT get better in a marriage… Although I do ALWAYS suggest other/outside counsel merely b/c I get MUCH counsel on ANY issue I have.
Sometimes though I think that the responses on here aren’t a reflection of peoples “niceness” but just that they’re views are very distorted of the way things work… “out” so to say… which always kinda saddens me =/
I have gotten TONS of great ideas/advice about how to actually get this wedding pulled off and love being able to relate/help someone that may listen with an open heart =)
Post # 7
I just think you can be nice and “not blunt”, but still be honest.
Post # 8
Yeah, I tend not to respond to those types of “drama/life/vent” posts because it’s so hard for me to give advice to someone based on a few sentences or paragraphs. I definitely have my opinions, and mostly they’re never THAT nice, so I just don’t say anything at all. I’ve had the same thoughts as you though.
Post # 9
I love the responses from Elaine and Vaga. I think the “nice-ness” is sort of an inherant trait of this site, and one of the many reasons people like to come here. I have always been a firm believer in the saying… “if you can’t say something nice…” and I’m still one of the more blunt people on here! It’s funny because even when I seen less-than-amazing photos posted, they tend to get the “you look great” comments, instead of the “what amazing photos!” comments, haha. I think people here are honest in their own way… you just have to read between the lines.
Also, what good does it do to criticize someone after the fact? I would never want to make someone feel worse about a situation they can do nothing about.
Post # 10
I agree with LB, WB is a bit of a haven from what I hear about the catiness that goes on on other wedding forums. I think the other thing to keep in mind is that a lot of the venting that goes on here is a small snapshot of a bad moment. For instance, I’ve posted about how one of my BMs has let me down a few times and I’m sad about the way our relationship has gone and how she’s treated her role as BM. However I did not post about the terrific conversation I had with her the other night when we had tons of good laughs, or how she’s going to be able to come to my next shower, which is awesome! Human nature is to make a stink about the bad, but rarely to promote the good. So if a girl comes on here to vent about her FH, he’s been a jerk and the situation is x,y,z I always try to ask if this is a repetitive thing or the first time it’s happened. Just because we hear about one bad thing it doesn’t mean we should say “Ew dump him NOW” because who knows, maybe there have been a thousand great things preceeding this! If there were abuse going on or one of the Bees was in danger, we would all certainly jump in and tell her to get out. I appreciate the warmth of the Bees and I don’t think I would come on here if I was worried about people being mean when I posted things!
I’m also with LB that sometimes if you don’t have anything nice to say… I tend to stick to that rule with things like photos or projects I maybe wouldn’t have done myself. I also try to live by the motto “Whatever floats your boat”, just because I wouldn’t want it, it doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for someone else!
Post # 11
I actually think, that yes some on here are too nice. I am noticing with the “newer” bees that, not being RUDE, that there is a little bit too much sensitivity. I got pounded bc I commented on a post that an act someone was considering was inappropriate or rude. Then I was told I was being very harsh and very rude for calling the other Bee rude. Really? Please, I was saying the act was rude. It made me laugh really. Some just read way too much into things and take things too sensitivitly. Some of the drama posts I am getting annoyed with bc if someone asks for an opionon, you give it, then they complain. I am all for people being nice and polite but I am also for honesty. People come here bc sometimes they feel their friends or family will not give them honest feedback and what they really want is honesty.
Post # 12
I think so. I am very guilty. I hate to hurt anyone’s feelings. Even these Bees I have never met lol. That being said, sometimes I really wish I could just say what I am really thinking…kind of like I do on a certain news media website. BUt I love it here because I can still get different viewpoints even when they are all sugar coated to look like pollen to a bee.
Post # 13
I think people go out of their way to be supportive. I don’t know if people are “too nice”.
Post # 14
i definitely think this is true of the “is this tacky?” posts. there’ve been a couple posts of pictures of things that i think may actually be a joke, and everyone gives their support. that being said, i think it is kind of wonderful that you can always count on a bee for a much needed pat on the back and self confidence boost, and like bakerella said, i just keep my little mouth shut when i see some of those. =)
Post # 15
First of all, I’d like to point out that a lot of bees — especially some board old-timers — prefer to give personal advice via private message than posting it on a public thread. I know I have received some kind but straightforward advice in the past that way and have also given it that way as well. Some people don’t feel comfortable giving relationship or personal advice on a public forum, especially if they want to use an example from their own lives, but that doesn’t mean the straightforward words aren’t being said — you just may not be reading them.
Anyway, I agree with a lot of what has already been said — wedding boards, like most online communities can get unnecessarily snarky and judgmental, and one of the great things about Weddingbee that makes it stand out is that it tries to avoid that. Of course, there have been conversations in the past about whether the pendulum has swung too far the other way, and I think there are certainly examples of when it has, like the ones you have mentioned, but I think it is better to be too nice than too blunt, especially with people you don’t actually know.
Post # 16
- Wedding: September 2010 - MacLean Park
Wow, this is actually super refreshing! I know what you mean. I’m a new bee, so I’m still a bit on shaky ground when it comes to blogging on the front page. One of the things to keep in mind is that most of the posts aren’t currently happening (esp. for newer bees) they’re archived from months ago, just reposted as a bee. But I have one post coming up I’m sure is going to be controversial, about how my FI is NOT my best friend and we want it that way. I’ve got a lot of probing stuff coming up, and I hope you ladies comment! I’d rather have healthy discussion than empty words, you know? There are ways to be honest without being snarky.