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I'm not changing mine. If there are kids someday, we might have to figure something out... but in the meantime, I'll still be Doctor Girl.
I'm keeping mine. It is an emotional issue for me because I'm not sure I want to change it -- it's mine, and he's not changing anything, but I would want to if he wanted me to. But no... so I am torn. I might consider changing it in the future. You could find a lot of responses on this topic if you searched. What are you thoughts about why you want to keep yours?
I go back and forth all the time -- I LOVE my name. I know my FI would like it if I changed it (I'd like it if he changed to mine too) but is completely fine with whatever I choose.
The latest idea that we've come up with is to each take each other's in a way
I'd be: First Middle Maiden HisLast
and
he'd be: First Middle MyMaiden His Last
So basically we'd both be having my maiden name as a second middle name. I'd go by First Maiden HisLast all the time though because I can't imagine being addressed without my name.
That's the solution right now.. we're just contemplating it for awhile longer. I'm really excited about it because we'd BOTH have to change and take part of each other's name. I'd hyphenate, but I don't want to be the only one, and he's got some weird thing about hyphens, just doesn't like how they look.
Anyway, I feel your pain. It's been the hardest part personally of the wedding process. I spend more time contemplating my name than almost everything else!
I don't want to change mine but my FI thinks that I have to because it makes him look like and feel like less of a man or something like that. I told him I would change but I would have my name with a hyphen for professional purposes. Plus I have a unique last name that I wouldn't want to give up for a more "run of the mill" last name.
I wouldn't even entertain the thought of changing my name... it is MY NAME afterall. I'm no less me and no more him after the marriage. That's not what I am bringing to this. I'm simply offering me, as myself, to support and be faithful to FI, as himself. No need for change or evolution of our selves, come as you are.
So, never going to change MY name.
I ended up changing it, but kept my maiden name as a middle name. I didn't want to lose my name completely but I want our future kids to have the same name as both of us.
@mary-alice i should have looked for responses to this question before I posted..i thought of it right after. sorry!
I don't want my last name to be Smith. That is pretty much it...I do love my last name too but maybe would have an easier time parting with it if the trade off was good. It's a silly reason, and I tried to bring it up once and it was BAD-he was totally insulted but I'm going to have to try to bring it up again soon I guess because I really don't want to.
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Hmm... I DID change my name in January, and I'm still having some issues with it. I really loved my last name, and his is...different...
I have a hard time signing my new name, and introducing myself with my new last name. I feel like I'm pretending to be someone else sometimes. I'm sure I will get used to it, and although sometimes I wish I had kept my name, I know it means a lot to him that I changed mine, and I love that when we have kids we will all have the same last name. I feel weird about changing it until I think that my mom didn't always have that last name - she had her own maiden name, but I love that she had the same last name as my dad and my brother and I.... sooo... I guess it will just take some time to get used to.
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I originally didn't want to give my maiden name up but in the end I settled for:First Maiden Married. I lost my original middle name at the expense of my maiden name.
Professionally though I have remained First Maiden, which is kind of interesting. I don't think they plan on changing any time soon.
I do, I don't tell my fiance but I'm sad about losing that part of my identity. I'm hyphenating professionally, which makes me feel better.
BTW, my mom didn't change her name. Wasn't a big deal to me at all. If anything, it was a nice symbol. I honestly don't think kids care.
I'm keeping mine! I knew a girl growing up who was Myfirstname Hislastname and I didn't like her! I can't shake the association.
Plus, professionally I want to use Mylastname. I don't want to loose my identity!
I am changing my last name and have been wanting to since I was a child. My name is Abaigael Smith Smith (*note "Smith" is not really my last name). My parents did it this way b/c they thought that when I was an adult and getting married, I would always then have my madien name. LOL! They were one step ahead of the game!
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I like retaining my family name, so I'm moving it to my middle name and dropping my existing middle name. I wanted to share a last name with my FI though, because although being "connected" to my family is important - by having a shared name - it's more important to me to be connected to my husband and future children by having a shared name, creating our own family.
I love my FI's last name, and think it sounds better with my first name than mine even does, but I'm still extraordinarily sad. For the amount of times I would doodle my name with boys last names growing up, I had no idea it would be such a sad thing to actually do! I'm doing First Maiden Last and giving Middle the boot, which I'm a little sad about even though I don't like it. I'm going to try try try to remain First Maiden professionally. In my profession, I want some privacy from my potentially-psychotic clients (therapist now, psychologist in a few years) and I don't want them to know my husband and children's last names.
I kept mine. Didn't even think about it. It's so important to me, both personally and professionally.
I share a situation with another poster-- my mother kept her name, all of my siblings and I have my dad's last name. It was never weird, or like we were any less of a family.
I struggled with this a lot. I ended up keeping mine (not married yet but we filed our marriage license already). I'm also from a different ethnic background as my fiance and if I take his name, then I lose that marker from my name.
Also, my fiance saw how much I struggled with this and offered (sincerely) to change his name to mine instead. But I didn't want that either.
I might hyphenate if/when we have kids because I do want to have the same name (or part of it) as my children. The hyphenated name would be crazy long though. Well, we'll cross that bridge once we get there.
I'm so glad someone posted about this! I am having a hard time with this! I'm the last of 3 girls to get married in my family, & I feel kind of like the name will die, if I change mine... fi is not happy about me not being super thrilled to change my name to his... But I told him that's not exactly fair since I have been me for 25 years & don't exactly want to change my whole identity! Especially when his last has the definition of "death" seriously!! Depressing! I'm so hyphenating all the way! I have a friend that did that & it's super cute & kind of her little thing. I'm doing the same.
I was totally charged to change my name. I guess I like being traditional. But I just felt more family like, and easier with the whole kid thing. But I don't think it's wrong if you don't. I guess it's just geting that all figured out with the FI.
I have always wanted to keep my last name. I was the only grandchild for the first ten years of my life, so my dad's family always drilled in the idea of keeping the name alive. The funny thing is, my dad was adopted, so the name isn't even biologically tied to us.
Nonetheless, I cannot imagine giving up my name. I have such a strong identity with my name that I would never want to change it. My finance has brought up the name change idea and I offerred, tongue in cheek, to change mine when he changes his. At this point, I am perfectly fine with us having two different last names and having the kids keep his.
I plan to keep my maiden name for my professional life, but my married name for my personal life. I am probably going to end up dropping my middle name, even though my first thought was to hyphenate it…but my Fiancée is insulted that I would do that and not take his name “fully”….like many have stated above…he thinks it a man thing that I take his name. I am sad though because my last name is VERY unique and his is “run of the mill.”
I personally don't think I want to change my last name. Like so many of you I like it!Its been mine for all these years it just....works!
However I dont think the fiance, or his DAD would approve of me either keeping my name, or even trying to hyphenate it. You see my fiance only has one other brother, and that brother when he got married decided to take his wifes last name (long whinded explination, but we'll leave it at that) so there only leaves my fiance as the very last male in his entire family to carry on his last name (I have already been told my his grandmother that I better have a son...he he) family is very big to his dad as he is Scottish and with no one else other than my finace carrying his name he wants to it to still be...'alive' if you will.
I just dont think I could change it now....sigh! oh well
I think women decide to keep their maiden names for a variety of different reasons. If you really want to keep your maiden name than you should. Think of it this way, to change your last name you must fill out paperwork with the government, if you don't than it stays the same. Give yourself a grace period after the wedding to make-your decision. It's much easier to keep the name you have rather than changing it and regretting your decison.
You might compromise and agree to give your children your husbands surname if you keep your maiden name.
My mother changed her last name but kept her maiden name as a middle name.
I'm keeping mine. I don't even particularly like my last name, but it's MY name. It's making ceremony wording sort of difficult, though!Maybe when we decide to breed, I will consider a hyphen etc. Maybe.
Besides, what if I get divorced? Not that I expect to, but I'm not blinding myself to reality that in 20 years things can change, and so can people. Nothing like making a divorce even worse than having your ex husband's name tied to you until you can get it legally changed back.
I'll change mine if and when he changes his. I am very attached to my last name but would be willing to add his to it -- but not unless he's willing to take on a part of ME as well. I won't give up my last name as A last name (i.e. moving it to middle) under any circumstances, so it would either be hyphenation, having two last names, or taking his name as a second middle. He wants me to change in the "traditional" way, but I've already made it clear that what's good for the goose is good for the gander...so he's contemplating. We'll see how it turns out.
As far as it being a "man thing," I think men just need to get over it. Woman's name, woman's choice. I have nothing against women changing their names if they really want to do it, but I am wholly and adamantly against women being guilted into doing something they don't want to do just because a man's ego is at stake. Women should value ourselves and our needs/wants at least equally to our partners' needs/wants, and men ought to respect that.
Regardless of what FI and I eventually choose to do with our names, our children will have both -- mine as a middle and his as a last. That way, they can feel "connected" to both of us even if we don't share a last name, and it will be on their passports, which will make international travel somewhat easier.
I kept mine- We're in the military so it's been a real pain, too. I get asked all the time if we're married, and coordinating things with different last names is nearly impossible. My reasoning was I'm not done with school yet, and I wanted my degrees to have my last name- not to mention he has a very common last name and mine is a little mroe unique. When we have kids I may consider changing it, but am unsure.
I like the idea of one poster to keep her last name and give it to her children as middle names. I may steal that one :)
I want to keep mine! However I want to share his so that we are looked at as a family. His last name is short and Lebanese to boot, which doesn't make Lisa seem like anything special. I like my last name. So, I think I am going to hyphenate for work, or at least keep it as a middle name and just tack his on the end. Otherwise I told him I was changing my whole name becaue his just sounds too great with the last name and it's boring with mine.
I'm not changing mine. I think it's a very personal decision. You should go with your gut!
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I'm connected to my name :), and the thought of loosing it breaks my heart.
FI and I talked about it, and he is 100% okay with me changing or keeping the name I have. He does, however, have very strong feelings about our future children having his name.
So what am I going to do? Just add his name onto the end! Haha so I'll be MyFirst MyMiddle Maiden HisList. It'll be like a second middle name and then our children will have his last name. I'd be comfortable going by my maiden or new last name - just as long as I still have mine :).
I decided after much consideration to change my name. The decision was ultimately based on our desire to have kids soon after the wedding and wanting one family name. I struggle with it a little though. Although I am deeply traditional, to the point that I am constantly surprising myself as I consider myself to be extremely liberal and progressive, I do feel a strong attachment to my name. I think because my parents divorced when I was very young and I don't know my father, and my mother has since remarried and she and my brothers have taken a different family name, for me my name has ties to no one except myself, and losing that name feels like abandoning part of who I am.
yeah I love my last name it rolls off the tongue, in Spanish it describes me exactly it feels perfect, I was debating on keeping it, hyphenating it or changing it; I'm a professional so my old colleagues know me as my maiden name, o once i change it they can never recognize it again; good thing I reconnected with old college schoolmates and med school mates on facebook while I'm still single.
However, I can see people get their names mixed up on documents when they hyphenate it, not good if it's something important; when I asked my fiance, he said hmmmmm, you'll take my last name. That was the end of that discussion. Deep down I agree and it's cool having a married name
But I agree, it's a little sad knowing I'm losing my last name it's been a part of me my whole life, glad to hear I'm no the only one going through this, the nice thing is his name is similar to mine it has "or" and "e" in the first and last syllables, so it'll still roll off the tongue, still kind of sad, symbolic of the new change I'll be making
Since I'm filipino we retain our maiden name as our middle name so I won't be losing it completely I just cant sign it as such anymore, oh well can't have everything
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I feel bad for our descendants who research their geneaology. Everyone does their own thing these days, lol.
I changed my name. I am proud to bear his last name. I was never particularly fond of my maiden name. Not that I disliked it. It was just "okay." I think my name sounds better now. I didn't become another person by taking his last name, I just opened the door to the next chapter of my life. :)
I've known all along that I want to keep my maiden name somehow, but now that I'm nearing the big day I'm having a hard time deciding how to do it. I do want to have the same last name as our future children, but my existing name is such a big part of my identity (both of our last names reflect our different ethnicities, so it's important to me to hang onto mine). I've thought about having two last names, but I think that eventually that would get cumbersome and I'd just go by his last name. So it looks like the solution for me is going to be to hyphenate. I don't love it, but at least I get to have both.
@flamingred---it seemed like part of your debate is that you don't want your new name to be Smith (or I guess something as common as Smith). Is your maiden name very unique?
There are things to be said both for unique names and for common names. I switched my last name from a unique name to a common name, and so far it's not so bad (I kept my maiden name as a second middle name). The worst is that the secretary in HR at my company has the same last name and first initial as me, and she was here first, so she has what you would guess my email address would be (first initial last name) whereas mine is first initial, middle initial, last name. She's gotten a few of my emails but otherwise life continues as usual. My husband has a very, very common name (both first and last). I can name a basketball player, an actor, and a famous statistician who all have his name. There are at least six of him in his dept of the government where he works, but he has had no trouble there. The most confusion was when he was living at home with his dad, because they are jr. and sr.
On the plus side, everyone can spell it and remember it easily. You can also maintain your maiden name as a middle name to give you some distinction. I was worried about the transition too but it's not been as bad as I thought. So there's my two cents :)
I read a NYTimes article once about combining names. My boyfriend at the time and I came up with a great way to combine the letters in our last names to form the new last name "Maharani" which means Queen in Hindi. I think if we got married we may have seriously changed our last name together. How's that for non-sexist!?
I love my last name so I plan to keep it. My FI is fine with that. I know its not traditional and maybe his parents are going to be upset... I don't care, I want to keep it.
I kept mine. Like some others posted, my mom kept her name, so the thought of changing mine has always seemed alien.
And as someone else described, my middle name is my mom's maiden name, and I plan to continue that tradition.
Hubby and I talked about combining our name to create a new name, but nothing sounded good.
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I didn't know where to post this-but anyway-is anyone else having an isue with changing your last name. I really love my name and I don't want to change it. I would consider hyphenating it but that is pretty much as far as I would go.