Post # 1
Not being married feels like driving around without car insurance. I can’t wait for us to be legal! I worry that something will happen to one of us – for example, he’ll be in the hospital and I won’t be able to visit him or make any decisions, as I’m not his legal wife. Does that bother anyone else? I’m basically an orphan (deceased dad; abusive, estranged mother), so that’s even scarier for me. I want my partner to be my legal next of kin. This is the worst part of waiting for me! It’s also frustrating that I’m afraid to tell my partner about this. I’m worried I’ll look like I’m “pressuring” (I hate that awful, misused word) him.
We’ve lived together for three years and have decided that we’ll elope within the next few months, then have a party in the summer for our friends and his family. Now, if he’ll just give me the damn ring that’s sitting in the sock drawer!
Post # 2
🙂 This is just one of the reasons I gave my SO for wanting to get married, especially since he’s a first responder. Yep, I worry about it too. We changed our Wills to reflect powers of attorney to that effect, but will have to update them after we marry, as the old ones become null and void because of the marriage.
Sounds like you won’t have to worry for long though! Congrats!
Post # 3
SexyCatLady: yep! I worry about this too! Especially because my SO has been married before (he is divorced) but I want to be sure she’s not any paperwork he could have overlooked. He was in the Army when he was married and still was when we met so they have to set up all kinds of power of attorneys/life insurance policies before deployment. It worries me she could have some sort of legal claim to his medical choices if something ever did happen?
He always assures me he doesn’t but once everything is settled (and by that Im assuming he means engaged) were going to our personal lawyer and getting our living wills/power of attorneys in place.
It might be a valid point to bring up to him, just be sure it doesn’t come off as morbid or pressuring for marriage. I see it a safegard for ourselves- I would want my SO to be the sole decision maker regarding my medical treatment should anything happen.
Hope this helps!
Post # 4
Look into durable power of attorny. My FI is authorized to make all the decisions for me if there is an accident (and vice versa). Now I don’t need to worry about it 🙂 All it took was a notary and a couple pieces of paper.
Post # 5
Thanks, everyone! It’s comforting to know that it’s not just me!
Post # 6
SexyCatLady: Yes my SO has a somewhat dangerous job and if something ever happened to him would want to be informed and be able to make decisions. Also we own a house together and have life insurance and I wouldn’t want to worry that I would have to fight for them.
Post # 7
ALL THE TIME! my BF is about to graduate and be a police officer! yikes. plus the 2 car accidents he got into i was at the hospital BEFORE his parents and i wasnt allowed in the emergency room with him! it was “immediate family” during late hours….and only 2 guest at a time. his sister had to sneak me in after everyone else got to see him.
NEVER AGAIN. i will lie my ass off and say im his sister to get into that room… but he wasnt actually hurt bad so it’s not like there was any decisions to be made.
Post # 8
Yes, that used to bother me. Nothing ever actually happened, but you never know.
Post # 9
yes! Bothers me all the time, my partners job is dangerous too. I haven’t said anything about it either tho, because I worry it sounds like I’m adding pressure. Its my worst nightmare!
Post # 10
One of our good friends was going in for a surgery and she put down her boyfriend as her emergency contact… The hospital told her that wasn’t good enough because a boyfriend can’t make decisions on her life, so she had to put down family instead. That is actually what led them to get married. They never had any intentions of getting married before that incident.
That has also made my boyfriend want to get more serious about getting engaged once he has the money for a ring that meets his standards. It doesn’t bother me as much as it does my boyfriend because I trust my parents to make the best decision they can, but he isn’t close with his family and doesn’t feel like he can trust them to make the best decisions. I can definitely see why it would worry people who don’t have a good bond with their immediate family.
Post # 11
I’ve actually had nightmares about this sort of thing happening!
Post # 12
Yes! I’m glad I’m not the only one. It usually hits me out of nowhere – “oh, it’s late and he’s been with his friends, I hope he doesn’t drive drunk and DIE before we have a chance to get married/have kids/get old enough to see each other’s hair and teeth fall out” or “oh, he’s out for a run and it’s dark, I hope he doesn’t get hit by a car and DIE… etc.”
Post # 13
yeah! i think like this too at times. glad to know i aint alone.
Post # 14
sarahsonata: It happens like that with me, too! We live in California, so I think, “What if there’s an earthquake while he’s at work?!” I always work myself into a panic with it.