Post # 1
I know men dont know the difference between colors and what things will “go” together. But we have six months left until the wedding and have been engaged already for 5 months. He hasnt even asked his groomsmen to be part of the wedding party yet. when making the address list I CALLED & EMAILED his friends about addresses. Even worse – a guy who he intends to make a groomsman didnt even know we were engaged! I had to tell him when i asked for his address. His aunt still hasnt got a STD bc he hasnt called to get her address. His excuse – she already said shes coming she doesnt need one. I WANTED TO SCREAM. (and i did). I have given him specific things to do. Simple things like find a hotel & make a hotel block for the guests. He researched hotels which i give him credit for but I guess he thinks he put his work in so he doesnt need to go further. Im callinig all the guests to see how long they are staying and plan to make the hotel block MYSELF this weekend. Its like this with EVERYTHING i ask him to do. Its as if he ignores that its his wedding too. I know alot of women will chalk it up to ‘guys are guys” but i cant tolerate this. Its making me furius. To the point I just dont want to do this anymore (the wedding).
Im a full time student and work full time as a preschool teacher. School starts again on Monday and I cant do it all on my own anymore. Im not ok with being the only one doing anything.
I may be looking to much into this – but the fact that he isnt helping AT ALL and makes up ridiculous reasons to excuse his behavior scares me. I think about when we have kids. Its hard work too! am I going to be alone in raising the kids? I just dont want to be alone when it comes to the difficult important parts of our lives. Its really scaring me about our future. I cant imagine spending my entire life that way. Where I take on everything he doesnt want to deal with.
Someone please help me. Calm my fears and share some advice. please.
Post # 3
My FI is extremely lazy when it comes to wedding planning, I think it is just a man thing, they really don’t care about all the stuff that we do. We were engages for 6-8 months before all of his friends and family knew about it. He finally pick his best man and gms and asked them via text message (one of them even called him out on it “you couldn’t take me for a beer to ask this you do it through text? times r changing” lmao) However, I have 2 fantastic children, and he is amazing with them, spends time playing with them, and will babysit if I need. I understand the frustration concerning his lack of interest in wedding planning, but that doesn’t mean it will carry over into other things.
Post # 4
@Miss Mitzie: Thank you for that. It is making me feel better! I just wish he would help more. Crunch time is starting and I need his help more than ever and its just hard that Im not able to count on him. Thank god for my two wonderful sisters who have been helping like crazy!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t assume that how he is with wedding planning is any indicator of how he will be as a father. Wanting to get married and wanting a wedding aren’t the same and some guys don’t care about any of the details…some are just afraid of messing something up. Maybe you can get some help from you mom, FMIL, sisters, MOH, friends?? I have helped many friends out when FI was uninterested.
Post # 6
I tried to ask FI to help, he’ll look up one or two ideas and thats it. I have to constantly text/ call him to make sure that he called the places for the ceremony and reception to set up an appointment. He’s excited and everything, but I feel as if I’m going to be planning this all by myself.
Post # 7
I can imagine it’s very frustrating to be doing everything yourself! My FI is very helpful and will do things if I tell him to, but he’s definitely not into it as much as I am and tends to avoid the parts he doesn’t like.
Do you know why he’s avoiding helping you? What exactly does he want from the wedding? What is important to him? Has he avoided choosing groomsmen because he does not particularly care for having them? Does he feel you are making all the decisions one sided and don’t need him or his input?
Perhaps if you understand what is important for him in the wedding (good music? A great honeymoon? Dessert?) you can ask him to take care of those aspects. In not give him a to do list and tell him to get it done by the weekend…
Post # 8
My FI hasn’t helped at all, except to shoot down ideas I have :p Normally he is a very sweet, helpful man who will go out of his way to help me cook and clean. I think wedding planning is a whole nother type of beast. I think my FI is terrified of pissing me off, or being dragged to a bridal show, so he just stays out of it. Except, of course, to tell me that we shouldn’t have a 6pm wedding because his parents will be drunk already. Sigh.
Post # 9
My fiance isnt helping at all either. I dont care. I’d rather do it and have it done right! haha.