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I loved the idea of this site but since being on here, sometimes it gets me down. I think there is a lot of cultural differences between countries and now in particular weddings. People offer there thoughts and suggestions and some responses can be quite rude and aloof and theres of course the usual "thread killer" feelings. I dont get why respond if you are going to be rude or not try to understand where someone is coming from. I always think im not posting on there anymore, but i always do end up as a lot of girls on here give you some beautiful ideas.
I get that quite a few people probably wont like this post, but i just think some people need to understand that every country, person, traditions, ideas, thoughts and feeling's are different and what may seem strange to some is completely normal to others.
Ive noticed it in a lot of posts and contructive critisism is a good thing as is a difference of opinions but it needs to be done exactly that way- contructively.
Has anyone else had this experience or am i just over analysing?
I think we've all felt that way from time to time! There's so much diversity of experience and opinion out there... it's hard to maintain a continual friendly vibe. :-)
Was there a particular thread that bummed you out? Please let us know!!
I am surprised. Honestly, this board is less... spicy than a lot of boards that I have been a member of in the past. I have not really had a problem here. I think the lack of facial expressions and tone of voice can lend to something be abrupt or rude even if it isn't meant to be. I am sorry you don't feel welcome here. :(
Hi Kelli,
I would like to say hello and be friendly and would love to hear your wedding plans and ideas. Im sorry that youve experienced this and hope you find it better here.
The facial expressions thing is probably very correct, text messages can be the same i guess lol
D.MARIE, thats is so incredibly kind of you. Im not looking for anyone to pay particular attention to me at all, my wedding is nearly over and done with. Im just hoping for everyone to feel "heard" and understood to some degree lol But again, that is just so so nice of you. :-)
We'd love to be here for you - please let us know if there's anything we can do to make you feel heard! :-)
kellibella.... when is your wedding? Nearly over and done with, as in you're going to be a MRS SOON!?!?!?! :D
Just over 3 weeks to go. Very exciting, getting into the final preparations. Yes nearly a Mrs. 
I'm sorry that you haven't always felt comfortable here :( Because I am in a somewhat bizarre situation (cacausian Canadian living in Korea, marrying a Korean and having 4 different ceremonies in 2 countries), some people here don't always understand my situation. Every once and a while I get some advice that isn't always helpful or understands my particular situations, but I know that people are doing their best from within their context to help me out. I've learned so much from the other posters, and I love reading about weddings that are going to be completely different from mine because budget/cultural/religious/racial whatever reasons. So, perhaps its hard for some people to understand each other's experiences, but in my personal experience here, most people try to support me and give me advice to the best of their ability. I hope that you start having more positive experiences and find a home here.^^
I'm with Bamm on this one - I'm in a weird cultural situation too, but I've always found everyone to be incredibly supportive. They're honest, yes, but that's what I'm looking for.
I think there are two kinds of people on boards like this: those who want honest feedback, and those who just want to be encouraged in what they've decided. If the wanting-encouragment people start getting feedback from those with different opinions than their own, sometimes that can cause them to feel hurt, just like if the needing-feedback people just recieve encouragement to 'do what you want!' because 'it's your day!' can feel frustrated that no one is actually interested.
Like MrBee, I'd be curious if there are specific threads that have triggered these feelings for you.
Kellibella - I completely understand where you are coming from! I am also an Aussie and sometimes find some threads a bit unusual i guess.
If i find something offensive, it sometimes helps to review the other posts of that same person and if their "tone" etc is usually the same in the other posts, so it is never anything personal!
A very big WELCOME!!!
I understand what you're saying. It's very hard for me when people continually refer to city hall weddings as not "real." It's also often assumed that an elopement will be regretted. Those are two assumptions that don't really have anything to do with a misinterpretation of tone.
CHEERFULL- Eloping is beautiful, its just about you and your partner and what you have..., also know as marriage!! lol it suits marriage perfectly and good on you for doing that. I cant see why it would be regretted, your married, the outcome is the same. Thats soo nice. I thought about doing that myself. Where did you do it? Details!!
All of you bees have great points and good experiences, so thats really good, thats what you's are here for. MISS SYDNEY, thankyou so very much, i will def do that in future and i have found the same with threads, things are very different in regards to ettiquite and tradition and i never actually realised that before!
Thankyou all for you thoughts and opinions each one is greatly appreciated and respected.
@kellibella I do know where you are coming from. I am an American marrying a Spaniard and there are some customs in Spain which seem OUTRAGEOUS to many bees (like putting your acct. number in the invitation so people know where to deposit the money gift!) and many times these bees are honest and label these other customs as "inappropriate" or highly suggest you not to follow these customs. I have taken those kinds of comments with a grain of salt. The way I see it is, I appreciate anyone and everyone's comments. If the comments are going to be negative then plz refrain from saying anything at all. And if the comment shouldn't be negative but ends up being so for me (or other different culture bees) bc of my cultural differences, I shrug it off bc the comments are usually written with the nicest of intentions and that bee just doesn't realize how the comment comes off. So yes, there is a lack diversity here. But we I hope are diversifying Weddingbee! 
Just try to stay positive and remember that you are not alone! There are others of us here too!
@Kellibella We had a black tie elopement with four guests at San Francisco City Hall and it was wonderful. We had the elegant formal wedding we wanted with those dearest to us without the stress of the familial guest list. We spent far less than we would have on a wedding, but far more than is 'typical' for an elopement. We got ready in separate hotel rooms in Berkeley and one of our friends surprised us with a limo that took us to San Francisco. After the ceremony, we took pictures around the city and then had a lovely dinner in the private room at Boulevard. We had so much fun at dinner we continued the party at a posh bar across the streets, drinking cocktails into the late evening. It was exactly what we wanted and I know we would have regretted immensely the larger wedding we had tried to plan to appease my husband's family.
CHEERFULL, that sounds absolutely perfect. I would have LOVED to do it very similar, at a wedding there is usually only a handful your super close to anyway so you did it in such a lovely intimate way. Minus the stress and huge financial burden.. even better. Congratulations!
Good morning, Kellibella! :-) Just wanted to send good vibes your way from another bride whose wedding is almost here. I think mine is probably the weekend before yours. I hope you are almost all done with planning!
I used to post on theknot.com's boards, and the level of snarkiness and general unpleasantry was SO much greater on that site than on WB. One of the main reasons I've continued to post here is the level of support I've had from other bees. Sure, some posts can go unanswered and some people can be abrupt, but generally, it's been a much more positive experience. I'm sorry yours hasn't been the same. :-(
Good luck with the last couple of weeks!!
I think people are just expressing their opinions. I don't always begin my responses with "I think", "in my experience", or "IMO"; but that is what it is. I don't think people are trying to bash others, they just feel strongly about the issue. And when threads get heated, it usually ends in better understanding and I think it is great to see all of the different opinions, even if I don't agree on a certain issue. Regarding someone saying elopement is less desireable or that a courthouse wedding isn't real, I think those people are just telling you how they honestly feel about it. So you have to take everything with a grain of salt because no one knows your situation better than you do.
Kelli,
Of course you are welcome here! I wish you had posted this earlier in your planning so those of us that do care and want to be friendly and helpful could show you support early on! I personally LOVE to find people with different opinions, traditions, ideas...isn't that what this whole board thing is all about? Please please continue to share! We would love to hear how things are going as you get so close to your big day! I think some of the general rudeness comes from the wedding industry as a whole. People think things have to be a certain way or it is "wrong". I think that is really sad because a unique wedding is so much more special to me. I get really annoyed when people are sticklers for ettiquite and tradition. I say if something feels right to you, it doesn't matter what others have to say (although support is nice!). Best of luck to you as you countdown to your wedding! I'm sure it is going to be incredibly special and perfect for you!
Kelli - we are date twins! I am pretttty pumped. You know, i haven't really posted many specifics about my own wedding, but i like putting my nose into a lot of posts and reading different perspectives and DIY ideas and participating that way. So, don't feel like you just have 3 weeks left and then there is nothing to talk about! I would bet that besides the destination wedding thing, not many people know my wedding details. Keep posting!
DayDreamWanderer said perfectly what I have come to conclude about the posted on WB. I love it here because there are so many thoughtful posts and responses, and yes sometimes particular topics can get heated, but I think most of the time when someone finds something "offensive" its because a comment was misinterpretted or someone takes offense at a difference of opinion.
Maybe we should post with categories labeled like "I need encouragement" or "I need your brutally honest opinion." I tend to think that people want my honest opinion because that is usually why I post a thread, but if I knew someone just wanted encouragement I would certainly try to refrain from giving any advice =D I know sometimes you just need someone to listen, nod, and say "You're doing the right thing."
@miskalinin- I totally agree!! I usually take posts as "give me your opinion" so sometimes when a bride posts a venting post, it's hard for me to remember that they are just venting.
It's hard to know when someone wants you to just agree with them, or tell them the honest truth. I usually give my honest opinion because I figure if I feel that way then I'm certainly not the only one in the world who feels that way, and it is possible that a guest would have my same reaction, good or bad.
I agree with MsKalinin. If we had an encouragement board, I think the bees would know not to be opinionated, just supportive.
I kind of agree with you as far as being heard and whatnot. I've seen a couple of posters on here that are very, very blunt as far as what they think/feel about things, never sugarcoating it. I always cringe a little when I see those blunt posts on someone's thread talking about how they cried, got upset, etc over something, so I think maybe a category for encouragement might change that a little!
We are ALL threadkillers occasionally. Try to never take that feeling personally; it just is one of those things that happens.
As for the rest of it, if someone is being outright rude to you, let a hostess know! Everyone can't always be 100% friendly all the time, but everyone should be basically respectful.
I've actually learned how to word my postings better because of some negative coments/responses I've received. I try to jump back in to my thread and say "No, that's not what I meant, you're taking it the wrong way" but it's sometimes too late if my original post wasn't worded correctly.
The thing is, this site is great because us ladies (and men) are able to ask candid questions and get candid feedback. But not everyone is always on the same page and some of us aren't afraid to express our true feelings! I agree with you that sometimes one of us ladies will post something asking for feedback and the responders don't seem like they're making an attempt to put themselves in the posters shoes. There's also a lot of venting going on here (which I am sooo grateful for!) but it may make certain people seem a lot more negative or harsh than they are in real life.
Aww I'm sorry you feel that way sometimes :( I think that cultural and regional differences play a large part in comments coming off as rude or being taken the worng way. I think overall this is a very supportive community, but some topics get more heated than others.
I like the idea of an encouragement board too.
Aww, I hope you feel welcome here! I think this is the friendliest of all wedding sites, but it can be intimidating to jump into a group where it seems that everyone knows one another or has certain ideas about how weddings should look. I LOVE all the diversity on the boards and blogs and that everyone has their own opinions and perspectives. There's no wrong way to plan a wedding! I hope you'll stick around!
These boards are sooooo much nicer than others. I think you're mistaking honest opinions with rudeness. I don't think I have ever seen anyone being outright rude.
Just like IRL, it takes time to get to know people and establish relationships. It doesn't happen overnight!
I feel like this everytime I post. People aren't outwardly rude but often act superior.
I sort of look at other's differences of opinion as just that - an opinion. I have a fairly 'thick skin' and can hear it from almost anybody's point of view, that being said I don't have to agree with it! :) As I'm sure we all have, I've killed my fair share of threads and I'm ok with that. Please, do stay. I think that each of us have something constructive and positive to add!
Bella
I wasn't able to read all these comments because I have to run but perhaps we can add an Australia board to the "local boards" I just went over there and saw that there are a few "overseas" boards ... that might help with some of the cultural stuff ... but as for the thread killing and not feeling totally welcome ... just keep coming back! I totally remember feeling that way when I first got here, "omg, no one wants to comment on my threads!" but eventually I got more comfortable, and more opinionated ( 
) and had a lot more fun. Welcome and almost congrats!! My cousins wedding is Dec 5 and I can't believe how soon it is!! :)
I agree with ashleyjane-I also have found that certain posters, while not overtly rude, can act superior. Telling girls things are 'tacky' or that they need to 'change their priorities'. I do think that on the whole though, the bees are very supportive and friendly.
I have to agree with KelliBella on this one. As a Canadian member I find things to be quite different (with regards to wedding stuff) than most other posters, most of whom seem to be from the US. Being from the east coast of Canada is even more different from those brides who are from western Canada as well. I know when I've posted before and have clearly stated that "x" is the norm or our area, some response posts have not been overly warm or understanding.
I agree with you as well Kelli. I think a few bees on here (the same as how some people are in the real world) are really wrapped up with themselves and their weddings and what they think is best that they don't have the room to think about anyone elses experiences or opinions. Nobodys perfect and I just started staying away from and ignoring the rudeness - intended or not. Try not to let the Negative Nancys or Snobby Susans get to you :)
First of all welcome welcome welcome! I'd love to hear about life in Australia as I've always wanted to visit there! Can't wait to hear about your planning either!
I love "scheduled" elopements!~Saw the most gorgeous one a month or so back with pics from an elopement in Paris on intimateweddings.com
It's all about matters of the heart. You can make any wedding as formal as you want or as lightheared as you both desire.
It's never about the size of the wedding, size of the ring, just the size of the love!!! Congratulations to you and welcome to the hive.
Shoot, I thread-kill like nobody's business! Everybody does it, don't worry. You are so very welcome here like all the bees on this post have said, and we'd LOVE to hear about your big day. You'll always find a few people that you maybe don't mesh well with or who perhaps don't try to completely understand you or where you're coming from, no matter what kind of group you have, but hopefully you'll realize that most of us are here to offer support and encouragement. Don't shy away, we're here for you :)
Sorry you haven't felt as welcome Kellibella! There are definite regional differences and differences of personal opinion when people are planning weddings. For example, people coming to my wedding would look at me like I had 5 heads if I did a money dance, but this is perfectly acceptable for some regions/cultures!
There are some local boards on here, but I find some of them aren't really active, so prefer to post on the main boards. If people are being outright rude, definitely report them to a hive hostess. Overall I have found the Wedding Bee community to be really friendly.
I hope no one has been intentionally (or unintenionally!) rude to you. I know when I am stressed, I tend to take IM/email, etc w/ a more negative intention than it was meant, since there are not facial expressions, tone of voice, etc. Do you think this could be happening to you as well?
Hopefully I am not guilty of posting too hastily, but I often end my posts with "good luck!" so I hope that helps when I give constructive criticism...but I also agree people should note if they only want support and not input on their ideas.
I've been killing threads here left and right recently! I'm pretty proud of myself, actually.
Alot of the time when ideas get shot shot down, it's because we're looking at them (perhaps wrongly) from an American perspective. If you were to post a thread about putting an account number on the invitation to deposit money into without any kind of background, you would get alotof girls saying that it's not proper because Emily Post would be appalled! However, if you were to frame it in the background that it's an important custom in Spain and gave some background, we (I anyway) would be a whole lot less likely to quote Emily Post. People assume that we know all these customs and traditions, but there are SO many (and many of them are fascinating) but unless we know the background and origin of these traditions, we're going to go with our personal bias.
Was there a particular thread that is bothering you? I know alot of times I get frustrated with a certain thread that makes me want to vent.
As a threadkilla- I would like to say that I don't mean to sound judgy- I really am just curious to hear about everyone's opinions. I really really want to hear what other girls do, especially when I have nothing in common with them because it makes me feel like I'm part of a community. Can't wait to hear about your wedding!
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