(Closed) does anyone feel slighted because their FI was married before?

posted 6 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I didn’t feel slighted.  I had the big wedding the 1st time so I was okay with being frugal/low key this time.  He went to the courthouse the 1st time.  DH and I married in our living room in a private ceremony then had an Open House Reception.  (DH doesn’t like being in the spotlight.)  Anyway… I could have done another big wedding but I wanted to honor his wishes.  What I decided was most important to me was that we did something that neither of us had done the first time.  

Maybe if think about how your wedding can be different and new for each of you that will keep you from feeling slighted.  


Post # 4
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I didn’t really feel slighted so to speak, but more just like it wasn’t as important to him (I guess maybe that’s the same thing?).

His attitude at first didn’t help, he was very “been there, done that” about certain things. I think he planned the first wedding in like a couple months but it was still  nice and he knew that we’d be having a longer engagement because I wanted a fancier more formal wedding, and he made a comment to me about just wanted to get married, that the wedding wasn’t the important part. 

I got over it, plus his family giving me compliments about how nice the wedding was helped too. 

Post # 5
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t feel slighted because my Fiance didn’t like his first wedding so much. We are both private people but his ex was a people person. As a result his first wedding was about 200 people and he wasn’t thrilled.

It’s actually been NICE having him done this before. I can talk to him about some things and he will say “I don’t want to bring up the past, but I KNOW you can’t get a ___ for under ____”.

I do know that I won’t be the first person he calls his wife, but I am okay knowing that together we will have the perfect day that is perfect for both of us 🙂

Post # 6
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I don’t! This is my first wedding and his second but he made it a point to say that whatever I wanted he was fine with.  He knows I’d kick his hiney if he said “been there done that”.  If there is something you really want to include just tell him I’m sure he’ll understand.

Post # 7
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I can definitely feel he has no interest in doing it all over again. Frown

He had a big wedding when he was young….I had a Justice of the peace. I’d like a wedding with a dress, etc. and since we’ve become engaged and moved in together, he’s made no attempt to save $$ for it, or make plans, look at venues,  etc.

It’s at the point where I am giving up about getting married at all.

We had a blow-up the other night and I mentioned his lack of interest. The next day he said casually that we should go get married at City Hall.  I pretended not to hear him.



Post # 8
5663 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t feel slighted at all. Really is the important part of this who had a bigger wedding or what you are doing now? No not really. i haven’t been married and my FH has been. His first wedding was big and black tie and paid for by her rich parents. I hear nothing but bad things about her, and I know for a fact because I know HIM that the wedding wasn’t HIM at all. We are doing our wedding together and most importantly, we’ve chosen each other for the right reasons and because we love each other. That’s the most important thing of all.

Post # 9
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My Fiance was married before, this is my first marriage.  To be honest, I haven’t even asked that many questions about what the first wedding was like, where it was, who was in it, etc.  I just really don’t want to know.

I don’t feel slighted in regards to how the planning is going, but I do feel slighted when dealing with his family and friends.  Unfortunately a lot of his family won’t be attending this wedding, but I get the feeling that they were at the first one.  I have found out over time that some issues I had with Future Mother-In-Law about guest list evidently was because the first wife invited a lot of people – whereas we are being more selective just because it felt like the right thing to do.

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