Post # 1
my Fiance and i just got back from the bar. we hardly ever go, because usually our nights only end up in fighting. i don’t know how it happens, but it’s almost guaranteed that we will get in a huge fight every flippin’ time we drink together.
tonight, we went to the bar and had a wonderful time. it was just the two of us and the place was packed! the whole time i was planning on singing karaoke, and he kept saying he would come up and stand by the stage whenever my name was called. anyway, we end up waiting and waiting. we are having a marvelous time, and he tells me about how one of the girls he used to date in high school was in the bar tonight. we joke about it, and then move on.
finally. they call my name. i go up to sing my song, and my Fiance slaps me on the butt. i get up on the stage, though, and he is nowhere to be found. the whole time i am singing my song i can’t see him anywhere. when i am done, i see him standing at the bar with his arm around a girl and her arm around him. of course, this is the girl he dated in high school. of course as soon as i see them he introduces me, and the girl keeps talking about “how beautiful i am and how cute of a couple we are.”
deep down, this hurt me. it made my stomach drop to see him standing there with this girl. i understand it wasn’t a big deal, but when i bring it up to him he went pyscho. he said i had no right of accusing him of doing anything, and that i am just jealous and insecure. he never apologized or said he could understand that it looked bad. he never tried to see it from my point of view. he never even said the simple word SORRY. we fought and fought and fought.
i don’t understand how we got to this point. obviously the alcohol has something to do with it, becuase this only happens when we drink. i am just so hurt. our argument ended by him telling me that i am in no way ready to get married. he said i am too insecure and that our whole relationship runs on my emotions. he yelled and yelled and screamed in my face.
i have absolutely no idea what to do.
i know this is the longest post ever. i am just so hurt and really need to vent.
Post # 3
Oh hun, I am so sorry,
Did you start yelling at him first or did he yell at you?
If he yelled at you first then maybe it is more his problem when you drink, were you both be irrational or was it just one of you?
Post # 4
Alcohol can really bring out the worst in people, unlike many other drugs it tends to make you aggressive and heighten your emotional swings.
Seeing your Fiance with his arm around another woman when you weren’t expecting it would be hurtful. But I also think it’s not necessarily a big deal – imagine it was the other way around: you’re in the bar with your Fiance and see someone who was a good friend/old boyfriend that you haven’t seen in years. Of course you’d want to go over and say hi, it would almost be rude not to acknowledge them. And look at it this way – your Fiance didn’t leave your side as long as you were together, it was only when you left your Fiance to go up on stage that he went to say hi to the other girl so he kept you company throughout the night.
Was there anything in the situation that made you feel your Fiance had ‘dishonest intentions’ in going up to the other girl? If not, I think you should let it go.
It sounds like the two of you should apologize for over-reacting last night, I’m sure both of you said things you shouldn’t have. Too much alchohol will really mess up your memory of the events and what was said. Take the first step, go give your Fiance a hug and start talking about what happened last night.
Good luck sweetie.
Post # 5
i definitely would not say that i was being irrational. for me, alcohol was not really a factor in why i got upset or how i brought it up to him. whether or not we were drinking, it would have bothered me to some extent to come up to him with his arm around an actractive woman he had dated in the past. that’s just… crappy for most women.
he just got so defensive and i don’t even know why. as of now, i am stuck in the guest bedroom and we aren’t talking. this is the worst feeling ever!
Post # 6
I so hear you girl. I don’t know what it is about the bars but SOMEHOW the night always goes south. We are fine drinking at home when we have people over, or if we go to another place, but those bars are bad news bears sometimes. I am sorry you had to see that, I am sure it was extremely heart wrenching 🙁 I hope you guys make up so that the rest of your weekend isn’t spent being mad at each other.
Post # 7
When we first started dating, we were young (18&19) and would party with friends fairly often. We realized pretty quickly that alcohol fueled arguments between us, especially when other people were around…so we mostly stopped drinking with each other for a while.
Now, we might get a bottle of wine or some beers, but neither of us really drink to get drunk anymore, but knowing that it wasn’t us really fighting, but the booze bringing it out, really helped us.
Good luck, hopefully today will be a better day for you both:)
Post # 8
I don’t feel that you have anything to feel bad for. There was no excuse for him to have his arm around another girl – especially an ex. It’s one thing to go over and say hi, but not without you either. I would be furious especially if he got so defensive about it. He knows he was wrong. I really hope he turns around and apologizes and makes it up to you somehow.
Post # 9
Alcohol, especially if there is too much of it, can definitely bring the worse out and also completely help in small things being blown out of proportion.. I get super emotional if I’ve been drinking & get upset.. Me & the fiance actually haven’t had a drop to drink since September simply because of that. We had 2 pretty big fights back to back over absolutely stupid things and just decided having a few too many drinks out definitely wasn’t worth putting a strain on our relationship.
Post # 10
Aw that sucks! Once when we were drinking, this girl from my bf’s high school came in and he told her how big her boobs got right in front pf me (which probably pissed me off more than usual since I have A cups). Ummmm…awkward. Ya he heard about that one later on.
Anyways, we have kind of decided that we either need to drink together or neither of us drinks. When only one of us drinks, the other one becomes extremely annoyed with that person. We’ve kind of figured it out and avoid it now. Maybe for you, it’s the other way around.
I don’t think it’s anything specific to just you, as others have said alcohol can bring out some weird stuff.
Post # 11
Alcohol lowers inhibitions, which results in one of two things: people think and say things they wouldn’t normally think or say, or they finally let out the things they do think when sober but have the self-control to actually say. The trick is figuring out which it is for you guys. Are you fighting because you restrain yourself from arguing about things like this when you’re sober, or is the alcohol actually turning you bad somehow? The latter seems a bit unlikely, to me – it’s not magic potion, after all. On the other hand, it also seems unlikely that he would put his arm around an ex right in front of you while stone cold sober, so it might even be a mix of both.
I don’t think you should worry about it. Maybe just drink less when you go out, so you don’t end up drunk and angry. Everyone is a different kind of drunk, and it looks like you guys had the bad luck of both being angry ones. >:D
Post # 12
Ugh I hate that. We have the tendency to fight more when we drink as well and it really sucks. If the exact situation happened to us that happened to you I could guarantee we would fight about it! I think sometimes you have to go into a night of drinking with the mindset of “we will not get into a fight tonight” and actually make the conscious effort not to. It may have been better to simply discuss (calmly) with your Fiance how you were feeling the next day when you were sober. Of course when you are drunk your mind does not think logically, it just does what it wants to do. Have you talked to him about it now that you are sober?
Post # 13
it’s so weird how it works out. the whole night we were having such a wonderful time, and i actually thought to myself, “there is no way we are getting in a fight tonight!” and them BOOM! it happens. i was so bummed out.
i wrote this post when i was pretty freaking drunk last night, and things are better now. (looking back, i don’t know how i managed to tell the story so well!!) we fought for quite a while, but both ended up apologizing.
the reason he got defensive is because he felt like i was attacking him without asking him his side of the story. i understand that. i can be pretty sensitive sometimes and i should have just taken a chill pill. he did apologize though and said that he would probably feel the same way if he roles were reversed.
thanks guys for being so supportive!
Post # 14
I kinda get crazy when I drink. Not crazy like, mean or violent, but jealous. Im not sure why…cause I’m not usually that way. I also dont like getting drunk cause I hate the way I feel the next morning. All of these things rolled together make me not want to drink that much lol
I totally understand though, and I’m glad yall worked it out 😀
Post # 15
I personally think that alcohol amplifies any mood you’re in and allows you to say things that you normally hold in. I think that the fact you argue every time you drink together says that there is something that one or both of you are holding back. I think there is probably there worth discussing, if nothing else, working out a plan to not get in huge fights or what to do when you do aruge when you’re both intoxicated.
Post # 16
neither of us drink alcohol but i wouldnt be happy if i turned around and found my husband with his arms around another woman and her to him
i also would not accept someone that is suppose to love me screaming in my face and yelling at me – thats not now grown ups communicate
if this behaviour is repeatative when you go out and drink then i suggest you tone down the booze