Post # 1
I’ve been friends with Jeff for about 9 years. I’ve been with Fiance going on 5. I have never ever been attracted to Jeff and he has never tried to sleep with me or anything like that. When he is dating someone he introduced me as his little sister. Jeff can fix anything and he sews. He has help me out thousands of times and has never charge me, so when there is a favor I can do for him I try to do it. Jeff is a swinger. Which means nothing to me because he has never tried to impose his lifestyle on me nor does he bring it around me.
My Fiance hates Jeff for no reason other than Jeff is my friend. Jeff has never done anything to disrespect my Fiance. He has actually helped my Fiance do things from time to time. My Fiance is using the excuse that Jeff is a swinger as to the reason he thinks I shouldn’t be friends with him. I love my Fiance with all my heart but if he is asking me to stop being friends with Jeff I am not willing to do that.
Jeff is like family and I think my Fiance is being unreasonable because when Jeff is doing something that is beneficial to him its okay for him to come around but if he is doing something for me, which is mostly fixing computer problems which nor myself or Fiance can do, its a problem. I keep asking Fiance if he wants me to stop being friends with Jeff and he says no but then he says that I won’t give up Jeff. This whole situation is stressing me out.
Post # 3
I do know that many guys still believe (whether true or not) that most male-female frienships are just smokescreens until the chick sees the guy in a non-platonic way….aka the wait game. So if that is how Fiance is looking at it, or he has heard other things about Jeff, then…I could see his position.
I dunno…I don’t see why who he sleeps with should have anything to do with it unless his choice of partners/values just doesn’t jibe with your fiance’s worldview.
Post # 4
As I have learned from every guy (who i wasn’t dating)..
guys are never just friends with a female without having it in the back of their minds that maybe one day you wont be just friends.
Being a guy and knowing “guy code,” he knows what this guy is up to. Or MOST LIKELY up to. If you tested your friend, I bet you would find out that he would bite at the chance to sleep with you.
Post # 5
When it comes down to it if your fi have you the uultimatum, me or him, who would you pick?
Post # 6
I kno what you mean and my Fiance feels the sme way towards some of my guy friends– Hes okay with me talking to them as long as its minimal and we respect our boundries. I honestly did stop talking to them as much, Every now and then wed talk but hes more important to me honestly then any of my friends. Im sure If I felt iffy about any girl friend in his life I would expect him to be the same.
Post # 7
I don’t have a friend that Fiance hates, thankfully!
BUT, my relationship before Fiance (the abusive one), my Ex HATED my man-bff. HATED. Man-BFF and I have been friends for 6 years. So right when I got into my relationship with Fiance, I introduced him to Man-BFF. Thankfully Man-BFF is engaged though, so that makes it a little less stressful on Fiance.
Post # 8
No – I have a make best friend that I’ve known since I was 16. I think we made out when we were like 18 or 19 at a party, but really if we were going to date or hook up we would have lane it already in the past ren years. FH and him are really cool, and we’ll all hang out, or I’ll even go get a beer 1:1 with him.
Post # 9
No. Fiance and I would need to have a long talk if he was jealous of my guy friends. There are a lot of them and that would never fly. There are a couple he doesn’t like much, but because of personality issues, and would never object to my spending time with them.
Post # 10
I have a male friend that while Darling Husband doesn’t hate him, he just doesn’t really “get” why we are friends. Said friend is kind of high maintenance, is easily offended, kind of tends to make outings all about him and what he wants to do. My husband just thinks he is kind of a pain in the ass, but I think he’s hilarious 🙂
Post # 11
Honestly I think my Fiance is jealous of all my male friends. There were only 2 really close guys friends that I have. I kind of lost contact with one because Fiance was upset that he sent me an inappropriate text which was a cartoon sex picture that he sent to everyone in his phone. All of our mutual friend got it but Fiance was still pissed and when I told my friend not to send me those kinds of messages anymore we kind of lost touch and just found out that he is now in jail. When his exgirlfriend called and told me he was in jail I looked it up online and Fiance was pissed that I was inquiring about him and we had since had arguements about if I have written to him while he’s in jail, which I haven’t. He was even pissed that his exgirlfriend called me. It’s like he doesn’t want me associated with anyone that’s associated with him.
There was also a guy that I was cool with. We worked together for a while and he is also a personal trainer and a few females at work trained with him. That company closed and we would see each other in passing from time to time because he switched gyms. Well he came back to the gym and I started training with him again because the other trainer was a pervert. Fiance doesn’t even now this guy and was pissed that he was training me which honestly I think he would be upset about any male training me. Well, the trainer got a divorce and was marrying someone else and his new wife was pregnant and need some extra money and ask if my Fiance was hiring and I told him yes. So I told Fiance that he was looking for some parttime work and from working wirh him previously he was a good employee. Fiance didn’t would not hire him because he was my trainer. Well my Fiance buisness partner opened up another business and my trainer ask me if I could put in a good word for him and I told him I would but I didn’t. It just so happen that my Fiance business partner hired a friend of my trainer and that guy got my trainer a job. When my Fiance went there and saw my trainer working there he flipped out on me. My trainer didn’t even tell that he got the job, I had no idea.
I just really feel like he is trying to isolate me from any male friends that I have and I’m not down with that at all. If I bring up something funny that a male coworker said or did at work he doesn’t want to hear about it. He said that he doesn’t want to hear about my male coworkers. I feel like he just wants me to sit in this box and not speak to anyone. This has been coming out more and more since we got engaged. I know that Fiance exwife cheated on him with a guy that he was in constant contact with him but he can’t punish me for what she did.
Sorry for being so long
Post # 12
He sounds really insecure more than anything else. I’d ask him point blank why it hurts him so much to hear about things that happen in your daily life that involve even coworkers. Try asking in the most non-confrontational way you possibly can so you can get him to open up and understand his position. If his temper flares, I think this might warrant discussing counseling between the two of you. He may have control issues, be depressed, or might even be a cheater himself. Just try to be objective until you get to the bottom of it. When you find the root cause, you’ll know what to do.
Post # 13
@hotstepmom: I just really feel like he is trying to isolate me from any male friends that I have and I’m not down with that at all. If I bring up something funny that a male coworker said or did at work he doesn’t want to hear about it. He said that he doesn’t want to hear about my male coworkers. I feel like he just wants me to sit in this box and not speak to anyone. This has been coming out more and more since we got engaged.
This is a huge red flag. Not only does he seem to have a lack of trust in you, he seems to think that he has the ability to dictate how you live you life, at least in interacting with people that aren’t him. Especially the bit about him getting worse since the engagement….marriage will only make his possessiveness much worse. I personally, would not stay in a relationship like this, but obviously I only know this part of the story and this one part of his personality. At the very least, I would seek couples counseling immediately.
Post # 14
@StuporDuck: I have tried to talk to him about it but to him I’m defending these men and not trying to work on our relationship. There were some times early in our relationship where I thought he might’ve been cheating and I told him I think those people that I was suspicious about where he would tell me they were only friends infact it was more than that so now he doesn’t trust me because of stuff that he has done. We are going to start couples counseling because I am to the end of my rope.
Two weeks ago we got into an argument because of the cable guy. Just so happen that I know the guy that they sent to fix my internet issues. He was asleep when he got there. When he woke up I said they came to fix the problem but said it is something in the neighborhood. I hate it when they send someone that I know that I’m not cool with because I just don’t want them to know where I live. So Fiance said if they don’t get it fixed, we need to switch to a different company. I said of all the workers they have, they sent annoying Tony. Then came the BIG argument over who is Tony and how do I know him and all of a sudden there are all these men in my life. I’m just sitting there like are we really arguing because I know the cable guy?
I have already ordered my dress, booked a venue and made small purchase but I have totally stopped planning this wedding. I still look at stuff but I am not spending any more money. If life with him means I can’t have any interaction with males, not even on a professional level, then we might as well call this whole thing off because I’m not going to spend the rest of my life this way.
Post # 15
I have like 5 male BFFs. Literally, I could have done 2 bridesmaids + 5 bridesmen instead of all bridesmaids–that’s how close we are. No, they aren’t gay, and we have been there for each other through it all. I totally disagree with your comment. They are like the brothers I never had.
With that said, I would probably not spend the night at any of their places anymore by myself just to show respect to Fiance. I would also not hang out in a bedroom or non-public place, even if we just were watching a movie or whatever. I also wouldn’t constantly hang out 1 on 1 with my male friends as much. I did ALL the time before Fiance. Other than that, our relationship will stay the same and Fiance is secure, approves it, and knows it.
OH and Fiance and I have both agreed that 1 on 1 with NEW/FUTURE friends from the opposite sex is a No-No.
Post # 16
If my Darling Husband tried any of that crap on me, he’d be gone (or rather, I wouldn’t have married him). My best friend is male and I can say with absolute certainty, he has no interest in sleeping with me, nor I with him. We are friends. That’s it. The minute your SO tells you who you can/can’t be friend with, or how much you’re “allowed” to talk to them, then you know there’s a problem. It screams immaturity, insecurity, and controlling.