(Closed) Does anyone have experience finding an adoptee?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I don’t think it is wrong, but you need to realize she might not know she was adopted.

I think if you look online you will find services that can help you. Do your parents know that you are doing this? They must know the name of the agency where she was adopted out of. That would certainly be a start.

I wonder how your parents feel about this? I also wonder how she is going to feel…knowing they kept you and not her (doesn’t matter if there was a good reason or not, I think there will be resentment). You should also be aware that just because she was adopted, doesn’t mean she had a great life and that could REALLY cause resentment, if you did.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do it. In fact, I think that you should! Just want you to be aware of the possibilities before you go forward. She may well be looking for you!

Post # 4
44 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am adopted and recently found my birth mother on facebook of all places. I then discovered I have several half siblings and one of them had always wanted to find me but my birth mother had told her that if I wanted to find them I could (she had put her info in a register when I was 3). I am yet to meet any of them but we plan to one day soon. I’d hate to think that your sister wouldn’t know she is adopted, but I guess that is a possibility you may have to face, or that she might not be up for any kind of relationship with you. You don’t know until you try though. I hope it all works out for you!

Post # 5
17 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

you know what…. if you feel the need to find her then do it and BELIEVE you will find her and you will. Post a link on MYLIFE.com

And search around to find as much info as you can – you will find her and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Who knows she may want you to find her.

all the best to you.  

Post # 6
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I was adopted. I think it’s fine to try and search for her. But don’t think it’s going to be as simple and exciting as you picture. It could be those very things, but it could be awful as well. If you do find her, she may tell you that she does not to talk to you or have a reunion. If that is the case, respect her wishes. I hope it turns out better than that though! I hope she is exciting and there will be a reunion. (It will still be weird and awkward I’m guessing). Anyway, it’s not wrong for you to find her at all. Just make sure she’s old enough to be found. You don’t need to walk into her life when she is young…. and confused.

Post # 7
127 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think it’s wrong, but be prepared that she may not want to know you or have people push their way into her life. Have you tried the Internet? I think there are state adoption registeries or you could try to hire a private investigator. I would thread lightly though. Perhaps, contacting her by email or phone first if you are able to locate her and I would make sure she is of adult age.

Post # 8
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’d be careful of giving out loads of personal information to someone like this @myangelmyson: person. He/she may well be legit, but the last thing you need is for someone to steal your identity or defraud you. I’m sure there are proper agencies and registries that you can go through to look for your sister.

I wish you luck, but as other PPs said, don’t get your hopes up too high.

Post # 9
59 posts
Worker bee

You’re going to get a lot of perspectives on this, so I don’t know what you will do ultimately.  I am an adoptee and have known forever.  I personally have no interest in meeting or having any identifying information about the people who conceived me nor their relatives. I do not consider them family. I am not angry and do not have any negative feelings towards them, but I  have my own family of parents and siblings and do not want or need anything else. I have my own life with which I am conent and I would respectfully decline any contact from someone who found me.

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