Post # 1
This probably sounds bizarre, but I’ve had a mini meltdown the last couple of days about turning into a person I don’t really like very much.
I feel like wedding planning is unhealthy and self-obsessive, that I’ve become someone who is stressed, materialistic, and cares too much about my own image and having nice and pretty things to impress others.
I know this is not really true. I can’t wait to marry my amazing fiance and solidify our gorgeous family, and I want to be married and move forward.
I just feel like, since planning the wedding, my priorities have shifted and I’ve spent a fortune on stuff that is fake and dumb and doesn’t really matter.
Gah. Rant over. Does anyone else feel like this?
Post # 3
I myself have no felt like this, but I think mainly because I witnessed SO MANY of my friends become different people while engaged. At least for me, I was so horrified and turned off that my friendships with them actually suffered for a few months after the wedding. I always swore that I would never making wedding planning a part of my identity, so I try really hard to stop planning as soon as things stop being fun and exciting. After all, it’s just one day–the days and years after that are much more important.
I think there is a lot of pressure to have a certain type of wedding. Pinterest and Facebook don’t help! You start questioning what you really want. Just think about you and your fiance, and what makes meaning for you two.
Post # 4
- Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World
I don’t really feel like I’m turning into a different person because of the wedding planning. I am definitely more stressed out because of it, having never really planned anything bigger than a kid’s birthday party or a work meeting. But I will say (and believe) that there are only a few times in a person’s life where you can be a little selfish and it’s okay, and your wedding is one of them. So I have my pretty dress and shoes and plan to have my hair and makeup done and eat yummy food and have pretty flowers, and get to share it all with my love, family and friends.
Post # 5
You’re not alone! I feel that way too!
I never wanted to get married, never dreamed of my future husband or anything (I was all set to die alone and upside down in a pub toilet until I met fiance!), so just having a wedding is so counter to everything I’ve ever wanted that I’m spending all this time trying to organise something I hate and don’t want.
But at the same time I still want it, because this wedding is a lot smaller and more basic than fiance and his family wanted, so I want it to look good for them, rather than have them think “We were going to have a real wedding but LadyElva stole that opportunity from us!” I usually don’t care what anyone thinks, so I hate the feeling that I have to ‘impress’ my future in-laws with a freaking wedding that I don’t want anyway!!
It doesn’t help that I also hate what wedding planning has turned the in-laws into either
Post # 6
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@MissSapphire: I can relate. Even though we’re having a casual, non-pretensious shindig… I’m still feeling more consumeristic than I’d like to. I’ve bought like 5 pairs of shoes online in the past 2 weeks (but will return 4-5 of them!) I spent $200 on turquoise jewelry from eBay this week! Ack! I also just spent $40 today on cheap plastic photobooth props from China (sunglasses, wigs, etc).
On one hand I definitely get the endorphin kick from shopping, like most women – so this has been fun. On the other hand, I feel bad generating all this consumerism. Not to mention all the paper waste resulting from stamping out a gazillion paper dots out of construction paper to make paper dot garlands.
Plus I just waste so much TIME thinking about all of this! I have 2,000+ posts on this website! I could have written a freaking novel or gone skiing 20x with that amount of time.
So yeah, the waste of money / resources / time / mental energy is kind of a bummer.
Post # 8
PHEW! i’m not alone.
Planning a wedding has made me even more emotional. I take things the Fiance says and blow them completely out of proportion. As he looks at me with the most confused look ever.
I am being very critical of how I look. I am critical about where I am in my life career wise and how I don’t want a write up in my hometown newspaper because of this. I am critical over the plans because I want everyone to be happy. All this worrying and stressing leads to lack of sleep and migraines which then lead to unhappy thoughts and more weight gain.
However once I recognized all this and said it out loud to the Fiance and some friends, I felt better and going to the gym became fun again.
Post # 9
I don’t like what wedding planning has done to my body image!
I was 138lbs and totally happy.
Now I’m 125lbs, obsessively count calories, and run six days a week. I have to force myself to eat, and when I eat unhealthily I feel physically nauseous. My Fiance and mother are both worried about me. But I can’t stop, because won’t I be more beautiful if I just lose 5 more pounds?
Only I’m never happy with 5 more pounds.
Post # 10
Trying so hard to not turn into someone I don’t know… but its so hard — people always are telling me to worry about this and that and I’m trying not to crack!!
Post # 11
@LadyElva: Wow, you just described my feelings perfectly. Everything you said is true for me as well. Except for the in-laws. Mine are great, thank goodness. It’s my own mother who’s giving me problems. Can’t wait till this is all over and we can all turn back into normal non-wedding-crazed people again 😛
Post # 12
At first when I was planning my wedding, the only thing I said was ‘As long as Fiance and I are married by the end of the day, that’s all I need’, but recently I’ve found myself being very nitpicky. I feel I haven’t gotten to the point of self-loathing but the closer the day comes the more anxious I get about feeling that way.
Post # 13
I’m so pleased that I’m not the only one! I just feel like… I’m wasting lots of money on stuff that doesn’t matter… yet at the same time I feel compelled to keep looking at things to make it all AMAZING…
Post # 14
@notbridey: Yep, I’m definitely being way over-critical of myself as well – I do this anyway, but the wedding definitely isn’t helping. I’m all or nothing. I want perfect wedding, to be the perfect mother, for my house to be perfectly tidy, to be perfect at work, to have the perfect figure… it’s exhausting and I never feel good enough
Post # 15
are we twins?! I am exactly the same way…the wedding has just made it worse. ugh.
Post # 16
I waited a long time to get married – so I let myself binge on wedding everything for first two months (talking to friends about it all the time, looking at dresses, rings, etc. etc. etc.) and now I feel better, but yeah – I have to keep reminding myself I was an interesting person with you know hobbies and other things to talk about before this whole wedding planning thing started 🙂