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YES! Me, I have always known I was going to change my name. My surname is my Dad's (of course) and he left when I was 9 so I don't feel like I have any connection whatsoever to that name. But when I mentioned to colleagues that I was changing my name they were SHOCKED. Like, their jaws all dropped. "You're doing ...what?!?!?!" I was surprised that this was such a shocking thing to them...
@PurpleUnicorn: My friends think im odd for NOT wanting to change mine I even told i was rude
@strawberryfieldsforever: so weird, huh?! i guess i also have some personal reasons other than DH for wanting to my change name, so i understand where you are coming from!
@MsPanda: well, i totally get not wanting to since up until 4 months ago that's what i thought i was doing! crazy they called you rude though!
@MsPanda: I hear you! I feel like I'm constantly having to explain and justify why I'm not just taking Mr. P's last name as my own. I honestly don't get why anyone cares what the couple decides to do about their names. I mean, it's a personal decision that doesn't really affect anyone else. Who cares if you think that decision is weird? Keep it to yourself. :)
@PurpleUnicorn: You're not weird! You're doing what you're comfortable with and what makes you most happy. Any decision that comes from that place is the right one in my book.
I havent met one person who thinks its weird.
Personally I really hate hyphenated names. Anyway, there is always confusion about a womans name until u start to get to know her name at our workplace.
Y? Because lets say her name is Ann Grace-Smith. But u dont know that Grace is one of her last names, not a middle name. So when she calls in, when she says her name, u think that Grace is her middle name!! Confusion ensues until she says its hyphenated.
Plus we always file your name under your first last name. So if your hyphenated name is Ann Grace-Smith then u need to tell us to look under Grace not Smith. Its annoying and there is alot of confusion when ladies ask for their last last name. We cant find it and its just annoying.
Oh and there are some men out there that will tell u ladies that they are fine with u not changing your name, but secretly they hate that u didnt take their name!! How do I know this?? Because when some husbands of women who have hyphenated names comes into the pharmacy, the husbands always ask under the last last name. Even though we told them that we file the names under the first last name. They refuse to ask under the hyphenated name! Then for a little bit I cant find it and then the man finally says try looking under Grace.
Ladies if u do decide to hyphenate your name, when u talk to a company PLEASE MAKE SURE THAT U TELL THEM RIGHT AWAY THAT YOUR NAME IS HYPHENATED!!! Be up front about it. They will love u for keeping the confusion down!!
Second, ask how your pharmacy and other companies file your name. Under your first last name or under the last last name. Then only ask under that name.
And finally, please talk to your husbands. Tell them how each company(like your pharmacy) files your name and tell him to lesson the confusion for the workers by asking for your prescriptions under that name!
If u do those three things u will make alot of people happy. Like me. I am so sick of the confusion that hypenated names bring!!! And only because of the confusion, I cant stand hyphenated names!
@Earlybride: wow, most of your post had nothing to do with what i was talking about, LOL!! but i can tell you this, my husband truly does not care what i do with my name. he says it is my name my choice! i almost wish he would just say once "i would love for you to take my name!", but he doesn't want to influence my decision!
@parasol: thanks, that's nice to hear :)
@PurpleUnicorn:I know. lol... guess that was a small rant. Sorry for hyjacking your thread. I guess that was really getting to me.lol
@Earlybride: lol, i was gonna say, it sounds like you need to start your own thread! (i mean so you can get your message out - i don't care about hijacking!)
@PurpleUnicorn: It really is amazing how confusing hyphenated names really are. Figured I would give the laides pointers to lessen the confusion. Maybe I should do a post? Oh well.
And again. I plan on taking my FI's name. No one that Ive talked to thinks its weird though. Youve always wanted to keep your name, but now your not? These people, are they the ones that knew u were gonna keep your name? Maybe they are surprised that u changed your mind? Maybe thats y they think its weird? Either way do what u want and what makes u comfortable. Congrats.
@Earlybride: i actually do get the confusion with filing and stuff. just from doing my phd research in a clinic and having to look up patient info was sometimes frustrating...looking up one name was not right, so let's go to the other part of the hyphenated name, lol. Although, i would not think to tell people to please don't hyphenate their names because of this!!
and ya, i changed my mind. i don't know if my friends knew how i felt before. maybe i had talked about it years ago, but it wasn't something we automatically knew about eachother.
i guess their reaction came from like i said, where they live (and where i used to live), and from the fact that they didn't elect to change theirs. Also, maybe they know me as miss independent/feminist beliefs person. i am not a fanatic or anything, but i do have that way of thinking which is why i never wanted to change my name before. i think what got the ball rolling in my head before my honeymoon was reading some threads on here about how it is actually NOT anti-feminist to change your name since feminism is simply about having the choice. and other people (separate from friends in question and in a totally different city) asked me more neutrally what i was going to do with my name - like they were more expecting me to change it, so the ideas were planted in my head - which is why it came up on my honeymoon i think. not sure if any of this makes sense or if i am just rambling, so i will stop now!
my mom! She kept her name, way back in the .... uh, early 70's? when no one was doing it. I just find it a bit odd - if she felt that strongly about taking a guys name, why did she give me & my sister my fathers last name when we were born? She even suggested I take her name instead of my FI's (awesome suggestion, if not a little weird).
PS: I'm either double barreling it or taking it completely. Haven't decided yet.
PPS: I thought you couldn't change your name if you lived in Quebec?
@bebefly: i haven't actually looked into whether you can't or its just a difficult process. From what i heard, you would go through the same process in Quebec to change your name whether or not you got married because they don't recognize marriage as a valid excuse to change your name! However, i live in Ontario now! so i plan to change it here no problem :)
actually, one obstacle that i have thought of is that i am still a registered graduate student in Quebec for this whole year. So for tuition purposes and stuff like that, i am keeping my Quebec residency....so i *might* just have to wait a year to change my name until I can officially say i have no ties to Quebec. i basically have not done any research though as i am still waiting the arrival of my supposedly gorgeous marriage certificate!
ETA: Lol at "double-barreling"!
@PurpleUnicorn: quick googling yielded this:
"Spouses' names
Both spouses keep their birth names after marriage and continue to exercise their civil rights under that name, i.e. they must use their birth name in contracts, on credit cards, on their driver’s licence, etc.
This rule applies to all spouses domiciled in Québec, even if they were married outside Québec.
However, women married before April 2, 1981 who were already using their husband’s surname before that date may continue to exercise their civil rights under their married name."
http://www.justice.gouv.qc.ca/english/publications/generale/maria-a.htm#names
So yeah, I do believe you'd have to wait a year to change it. Good luck?!
@bebefly: haha, thanks! and yeah, i realized the student thing a couple of weeks ago when i had to fill out Quebec student loans applications!! i also figured i will get my degree with my maiden name on it since all my other degrees have it. so basically after i become a doctor, i will give up my name! LOL, watch me change my mind again....though i feel pretty set on it so i don't see that happening.
I'm one of the people who thinks it's weird! I just don't understand the appeal, I guess. But I wouldn't tell my friend I thought it was weird, that's just rude. Clearly you're happy with your decision, so they shouldn't have said that. But yes, people who think it's weird do exist. :)
I guess FI mentioned to some of his coworkers that I'd be changing my name after the wedding and they thought it was weird. I'm not traditional in a lot of ways, but I always knew I wanted to take my husband's name when I marry.
People having given me dirty looks for wanting to change my last name after we get married but not to my FI's- to my mothers maiden name... or making my middle name my last name and just having 2 names. I don't like my maiden name or my FI's name so I'm not sure what to do. I may just keep mine however since my son has it and everyone keeps telling me 'I'm sooo rude'. =(
I've never received any weird feedback about changing my name. I'm completely stoked to take FI's name! I have my dad's name, he left when I was a baby, so I can't wait to get rid of it. Plus, when people call me "Mrs. FI's last name", I'm going to get all giddy every time! :)
I've been married 15 yrs this year and I only changed my last name a few years ago. I only changed it a few years ago because I have a friend whose husband died and the SSI folks really gave her the run around about her name being different. It delayed her SSI almost 6 months. And so I thought to myself "Self, you have 7 kids and if your DH dies you can't go 6 months without SSI so change your name!"...and so I did.
I honestly NEVER knew it bothered DH (yes, we talked about ti when we married and he was ok with me keeping my name), but the day I changed it he happened to call me while I was there and I said "I am at the SS office changing my name so I gotta call you back" and he texted me like 1000 times "OMG THAT IS SO AWESOME!!" That year when we filed taxes he got a stupid grin on his face when he put our last names the same lol.
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Beekeeper
i find i have been getting a strange reaction. well at least not the reaction i expected. I grew up always thinking i would keep my name. But during our honeymoon, i had a moment of pure "i love you so much, i am so happy to be your wife" kind of moment, i decided for the first time ever i WANT to take DH' name!
Four months later (still waiting for my marrige certificate to arrive from Jamaica, so i have had time to contemplate this), i have maintained that i want to change my last name. I also went through the whole "do i hyphenate or not" phase. and recently decided that if i am going to do this, i am going to do it all the way! (ie., no hyphenating). I am still excited about this!
BUT, i am the only one! DH really doesn't care, to the point it makes me question why am i doing this - then i remember i am doing it for myself as he says wants me to!
AND telling my friends a couple of weeks ago in a moment of excited-ness at the finality of my decision, they all gave me funny looks and were like "what, why are you changing your name, you're weird!" I was so surprised that i got this reaction!
Has anyone else? Or is it my friends who are the weird ones? (some of them in particular who had the strongest reaction are married themselves and did not change their name....). Or is it just because i am from a province where being married gives you no right to change your name, so no one does?