- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I’m newly married, in 13 days I will be married for 3 months. I am happily married, I love my husband incredibly and the both of us together is the best thing I’ve ever known or felt. There’s honestly not enough I can say about him. But I can’t help but feeling incredibly sad.
I’m sad for a few reasons and I’m just wondering if anyone understands why I am. To make a long story short (because it’s VERY long) I’ll just summerize everything that happened.
I never in my life worked on anything so hard, and put my heart and soul into anything as I did our wedding. Still trying to get over my car accident that has left me with a bad back and chronic pain, I planned our wedding from 23 hours away as we had to move for work, but our friends and family were back home. I had to make 3 trips home to take care of wedding things by myself. I had no help. I was the one to haul my fiance and his groomsmen to the tux store to pick everything out and order it. My invitations were designed and written by me, when they got sent away to be printed they arrived damaged, so I had to fix those. It took me 68 hours to fix them all. 🙁 I designed the programs, I did everything myself. I designed the bridesmaids dresses because none of the girls could agree on anything but that fell through, after the same person who was making them, botched my wedding dress, that I designed because of my back and I can’t wear a normal satin dress or have weight on my back. My dress was botched twice, I had to put on my own crystals on my dress because the second seamtress ripped me off and didn’t even finish my dress. The third seamstress made my dress fit and fixed it 4 days before my wedding. My husband made our 4 foot cake stand I decorated it, and had to fix it when it broke in half on the way to the reception hall the night before the wedding. My husband went to Vegas for his bachelor party I was at his bestfriend’s house for 4 days by myself dog sitting and house sitting and trying to finish the “Facts about us” for the tables, put together the music lists for our D.J, and other things. In short I was absolutely exhausted and extremely stressed. Did I mention I planned, organaized, ran, and oversaw our Stag and Doe? I never had any help with that either except for the day of when our bridal party (some of them) helped out and ran some stuff. But anything that went wrong fell on me. The day before the wedding I had to take care of all the last minute details, that my fiance was suppose to but he wanted to hang out with his friends that came to the hotel. Our aisle runner came in wrong, and my vendor forgot to lay out their aisle runner under mine that they promised to take care of.
I am sad because the whole time I never got one moment of rest, not one moment of pamper, I never even had spare time to get my nails or my toe nails done. I was in so much pain the morning of my wedding as I hadn’t slept since 7am the day before, I had to have 4 glasses of wine, 2 cans of beer and a glass of champange to get me down the aisle. I literally had nothng left. When I think back to my wedding, all I remember is the stress, the exhaustion and how everything was so difficult for me. Nothing absolutely nothing was easy, and I gave my all. I wrote and sang a song to my husband as a dedication and I couldn’t perform it the way I wanted to because it was the first time since I was 2 years old when I first started singing that my mother was not there. Because my mother didn’t go to my wedding because of religious reasons, a lot of her family didn’t come. I was so sad that I never got to wear the dress of my dreams, I never had that “Oh my god moment”, I barely even got any compliments on my dress. I never got that “special treatment”. I have given that same treatment to others for their day but I never got anything. Not that I expected anything, it just would have been so wonderful if someone realised that I deserved a little bit of loving too. My husband says that my friends were loosers, and that the girls I had just didn’t give a crap. I don’t look a it that way, but how was I suppose to know?
Anyway I’m just sad, because I see how happy everyone else is, and how the one time in their life they are treated like they really matter. I wasn’t. It was like I got scraps. And it really hurt because I’ve always given my best to everyone of my friends, and bent over backwards for them. But when it comes to me, I just never got anything. My fiance did, his boys went all out for him and he just had so much fun. Not one worry. He slept the night before the wedding and wasn’t half dead for the wedding like I was. Honestly I was so exhausted and in so much pain, I don’t even remember who I talked to and didn’t. I only danced to 4 songs at my wedding and I wish with all my heart I could do it over. I’m so sad. I don’t know why but I can’t get over my sadness. My one day is over. I waited 29 years and it’s gone. 🙁