Post # 1
I am a little bummed right now. I feel as though the most important people in my life are all making A HUGE SACRIFICE to come to my wedding.
My parents are spending a ton of money on the plane tickets, and while I am thankful they are coming, I could do without the guilt trip.
(Family lives in Quebec, CANADA; I am in Michigan, USA)
My sister has exams during my wedding, and is not sure she’ll come (she is my Maid of Honnor). My mom was also guilt-tripping me about making my sister take exams early.
And now my best friend (ever since we am 3 years old) has exams too. Seems like I picked a horrible wedding date.
I sooo just want to elope. I don’t want to deal with the “oh that’ll be hard, I’m not sure I can make it” crap from my closest family and friends. Figure it out, and THEN tell me if you can’t come.
Oh and it’s a big deal because I am having a 15 people wedding because I didn’t want my family to feel out of place (language barriers, cultural differences, etc.).
So if these people don’t come, it will be a family dinner with my in-laws (whom I love very much) but still.
The one reason I don’t want to elope is my grand-pa. He’s so excited to come, and he’s so proud 🙂
Post # 3
It looks like you’re about 11 months out. Would it be possible to push back the day even a week or two? It seems like a big deal for your immediate family to be there.
The guilt trip about the travel is inexcusable. However, if your sister and best friend would have difficulty, then I might push back the day a little. That’s awesome about your grand-pa! Sometimes I think the older generation can relate more to us than our parents.
Sending well wishes your way!
Post # 4
I would have to say, think about changing the date if you can. Unfortunately you picked the week of exams which is a big issue. If you could push it back a week that would resolve everything.
Post # 5
@Pearberry: Thank you 🙂 I know, you are so right about the older generation!
My wedding is actually December 15th (I had put a random date in WB when I got engaged, and never changed it)..
I feel that it is fully doable to ask a teacher to take an exam in advance for your sister’s wedding, but maybe I’m getting a bit Bridezilla 🙂
Post # 6
@Rush1986: I know, sadly it isn’t that simple. My MIL has organized a huge party for us (wedding reception) the following weekend and reserved the country club, save-the-dates, etc.
And as far as my wedding goes, it is on a Saturday, so they would only need to miss parts of Friday and could go back Sunday. (it’s a 1.5 hour flight).
Post # 7
@kmsw: It is definitley doable. THe only issue will be that they will be focused on studying non stop and not be able to help with planning as much etc.
But i think if she mentions it to the professor right away when the semester starts they should be able to accomodate her
Post # 8
@Rush1986: I completely agree. She is not doing any planning as she is so far away, so that isn’t a problem. I just wanted to be able to take her out and get our nails, hair and makeup done… fingers crossed!
Post # 9
Really??? Your family is seroiusly saying that a plane ticket is too much?? I checked kayak.com and around those dates it would be roughly $660 —flying into lansing, (which is always a more expensive airport) and $505 into detroit. Your parents should be willing to pay that kind of money to see their daughter get married, even if finances are tight! Are you able to help chip in for the flights?
And as far as exams, its not like you told them a week before. People always wait til the last minute to study anyways, so what does studying a day early matter? I would have to say a wedding trumps exams on a Friday. Its not like they are the board exams or anything (I am assuming).
Sorry this is frustrating for you! :/
Post # 10
I would change the date. I had a hard time settling on a date because I had to contend with multiple college and high school graduations but I’d rather accomodate people than ask them to take exams early. Maybe the Friday before the reception your MIL has planned? I’m assuming its in Michigan as well.
Aren’t flights cheaper two weeks before Christmat because everyone waits to travel until like the 20th?
Post # 11
@honeybeelove: haha no it is not a board exam, or anything of the kind.
I think what it comes down to is that culturally, they may not understand the importance of a wedding. And if I have to, of course I’ll chip in. It’s just not my first choice.
Post # 12
It seems like they are trying their best to come. If you sister is in college a wedding isn’t going to be a good reason to miss a final exam. Have you asked her about the policy at her school? I know for me the only reason there would be for missing a final exam would be death or a medical issue. Some professors probably could make an exception but it may not be possible.
I seen some crazy stories on the bee of family members being rude and inconsiderate and that doesn’t seem like the case for your family as they have valid reasons.
Post # 13
You might have to decide what’s more important: the date or the people attending. Before we settled on a date, we asked the most important people around us what worked best for them (we gave them a few options). That way it lessened the chance of the people we most want there not being able to attend. If your date is super important to you, though, then you may have to understand that it doesn’t work for everyone.
Post # 14
I should add that when I was 18 I had to skip a few days at college to attend my sister’s wedding (it was near the beginning of the semester) and I got dropped from 2 of my classes because of it. I wasn’t mad at my sister for it, but I was super upset that I had to take those classes later! They were required for graduation.
Post # 15
I understand that it’s upsetting, but skipping exams is really hard. In my university, if you skip the exam, you fail the course. no getting around it. Is there any way to move the date?
Post # 16
I don’t think taking exams a little early would be that big a deal, if your sister tells her professors at the beginning of the semester. This seems different than @MadameTussaud’s experience since it’s the end, not the beginning– I know lots of schools have different rules about missing class at the very beginning.
It also sounds like part of the frustration is that your parents are that excited (ie, of course we’ll be there, no matter what!). That is hard too– I am dealing with the lack of excitement as well. And while of course we, as the ones getting married, are the most excited– it’s nice to have those we care about seem excited as well.
Hopefully they’ll be able to figure these issues out!