Does anyone worry that they will never be able to afford to have a baby?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m sorry that this is not relevant to your question but how does one say they spent 3 years trying to save a house deposit and only have $20? Why even bother saying you were trying? It makes you sound like you are the type of person who makes excuses for yourself. Just being honest.

Post # 3
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

simonetania24:  I think you just have to make a budget and stick with it, you’re still young and have plenty of time.  My husband and I are currently expecting and I’m 34 (so I’ve had 10 extra years), own our house and am going to be a SAHM, so it can be done.  We live below our means, don’t take on extra debt, and make savings a priority.  Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’ve been in your position…turns out I needed to get real. 

$20 saved over three years…what kind of things happened in those 3 years that you couldn’t save, say, $40 instead? 

Do you really think spending 8 years in school to become a primary school is the smartest thing to do if what you really want is to have a family of your own? You wont be bringing in that income until you’re 32. Will it be a good income? 

I mean if it’s your passion and your dream, go for it, but that doesn’t mean that your choices may have negative consequences on other dreams you might have. ALL choices do. There are always trade offs. One of your trade offs in pursuing this career might be that you will not feel financially comfortable having a child of your own. Own it. 

I’m not exactly passionate about my business. I own a cleaning business, there is nothing glamorous about that, no one dreams about having a cleaning business when they grow up. But it will soon afford me the money and flexibility to have children if I do so choose. 

My dream job is working with animals. Beyond being a veterinarian, there is little in it for me financially so I decided what is more important to me and that is to make more money, be independent, and have the ability to do things that are important to me, such as have kids.

Most people need to utilize childcare at some point, by the way. It, too, has its benefits (and drawbacks, yes) but you’re looking at it as something that is purely negative. Nothing is that black and white. 

You need to decide what you really want, what you’re willing to do to get it, and shit or get off the pot girl. 

I would also ensure that your partner really doesn’t want children for that reason – or just you know, doesn’t want them. “The absolute best” is largely unattainable, so I wonder if he’s just creating unrealistic expectations as an excuse, a road block you can’t possibly surpass. 

All that said, you really do have time on your side. But if you find yourself going in circles, the sooner you figure out how to hone in on what matters to you, all the better! 

Post # 5
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

simonetania24: You’re 24. Your brain isn’t even fully physiologically developed yet — you have plenty of time and housebee: is right — you need to make a budget and stick to it if you really want something to happen.

It’s not a good sign that you’ve been planning a holiday for 5 years and haven’t gone. I was making less than you were at 24 and saved up $5k in a year. Job fulfillment isn’t relevant unless it bleeds over in ways that make you spend money — i.e. you’re unhappy at work, so you shop off your feelings, drink away the suck, gamble on the weekends, etc. 

And I don’t know where you live, but where I live, as SAHM is a luxury — both my partner and I make in the 6 figures as established professionals and we question being able to afford kids and the lifestyle we want (to live in SF, send our kids to college and to be able to visit family 1x / year, so nothing crazy). 

Focus on achieving your own goals first (like the vacation) and then figure out the kids part. 

Post # 6
Member
1275 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Spending the money to spend eight additional years in school to ultimately earn the salary of a primary school teacher doesn’t sound like a very good move fiscally.  Strictly speaking as a teacher, I am aware that some people think it’s their dream job, but if you wake up at 32 with no savings because of school, and you’re not earning enough to recoup that eight years of school expenses, you’ll be miserable.

However, if you do go through with it, you won’t work until 6pm every night so that argument isn’t very valid.

I think you are just having a bad day, OP.  People can afford to have babies.  Rethink your finances, shift your budget around, move if you need to if your city is too expensive.

Post # 7
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I make around US 18,000 a year. I have a house and a car. I just don’t spend very much money on other things.

At your age you are still very young. Your clock should not start ticking until you approach 30, at the very least!

TBH, lots of people have kids on very low incomes. If we all saved up forever before having kids, the human race would just die out!

Post # 8
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

simonetania24:  It depends on what kind of life you want to live. We’re waiting a few more years until we’re both earning good money (thankfully we’re about to finish our studies which will lead to fairly decent money, but yes our lives pretty much were on hold while we were at school). We want to have more in savings too before we have children so we can afford private schools, a nice house and still go on holidays etc. If we wanted to forego those things, we could have children now.

Re-asses your budget, be sensible with your spending and don’t live beyond your means. $20 is not exactly savings so start from scratch now and stick to it. I’m not going to patronise you and say ‘you’re still young’ because i’m not much older than you and I get it, but at our age we do still have time so try not to put too much pressure on yourself. If you work hard and your sensible, you’ll get there 🙂

Post # 9
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m 24 and I am currently pregnant with my first. My husband and I bought our first house when I was 20 and are currently using it as an investment am renting somewhere else, we are also saving to buy our second house. I am also planning to be a stay at home mum. How did we do this? We worked our asses off lol i took the best job I could find and it took me out into the middle of nowhere on a mine site, I got to come home for weekends while my husband worked week on week off at the same mine. We saw each other properly for 4 days a month and that was it. We also did that for 5 years. If you really wanted to be able to buy a house you would find a way, it’s not easy and it takes a lot of time and dedication to get there. If buying houses were easy everyone would have one lol

Post # 10
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m kind of in the same boat. FI and I work the same shift and sometimes we can work up to 12 hours a day! How would we ever be able to have children? I’m thinking to myself it’s just not possible. I refuse to have a kid and then never get to see them. 🙁

As for saving for a house, you just need to count your pennies, girl. Small decisions that you make every day can add up to a fund for anything. I find that by seeing everything I purchase as hours I’ve worked, helps me decide if I really want x item badly enough to spend money. Decide EVERY DAY “is this worth x hours I worked?” even down to the minute. Every dollar counts.

Post # 12
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

simonetania24:  40K is enough to pay essential needs, pay off debt if you have any, and build savings. I did all that with a lower income than yours, being a full-time student. But, I live very frugally, I’m not a big spender. To me it sounds more like a priority issue. Are you living beyond your means ? Let’s be honest here, even if you made 100K a year, if you spent 90K over things that bring you instant gratification instead of saving a chunk of that money, you’d still be struggling and wondering how come you earn that income but still can’t afford a house and kids.

People have kids while having your income, and sometimes less. Although they’re on a tight budget, they make it work somehow, because they sacrifice some things in order to have others – they set priorities, and they stick to it. So, it’s up to you to do the same : set a budget, set a goal, make changes in your life accordingly, and work on being disciplined with savings and spending ! It’s not too late to start. You can learn to control your finances better, and you’ll feel empowered once you start doing it and see the results.   

Post # 14
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

Sorry I was writing my answer as you were posting your next message. Maybe then, you need to take things one step at a time ? Building up an emergency saving first (start with a goal of 1K or 2K). Once you know you have that amount set aside for rainy days, get to your other savings. If shit happens, you’ll have savings prepared for it. It will put your mind at peace while you’re working on your other savings. 

It’s not all about the income. It’s about the lifestyle you choose. 

Post # 15
Member
1016 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

simonetania24:  “I love the idea of primary school teaching.” <br /><br />Careful there. Ideas are often very far off from reality. How many times I thought I would just LOVE some career and it ended up actually being my nightmare.Have you done any job shadowing, or worked with groups of young children for long periods of time? 

If you must be a primary school teacher (after racking up 8 yrs worth of debt, if you’re taking loans – or just not advancing in a career because you’re jobbing while you wait for your dream career to begin) and your partner must give his children the absolute best of everything, and you wont put your kids in daycare…well, these are the choices you will have made that may result in not being able to afford children. People always seem to make it work, no matter how low their incomes or how many disasters sideline them – but if your partner wont go for it unless he has a bunch of moey in the bank, you have that problem to address as well. 

Despite all your set backs – and boy do I know that, when it rains it pours doesn’t it? – I’m still hearing that you’re making decisions contrary to wanting children. You’re working against yourself! 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors