Post # 1
FI and I do not want to ask my brother to be a groomsman. FI has met him twice at most for only a few min. My brother is shy and not a very friendly person. My mom says I have to ask him “because he’s your only brother and that’s what you do”, I get a lot of “because that’s what you do” from my mom and it’s so annoying. “mom, we don’t want flower centerpieces. Why waste money on stupid flowers that just die??” “because that’s what you do.” “I don’t need a limo. Waste of money.” “Well, that’s what people do”. It’s so annoying! My brother doesn’t even live in the same state as us. I feel like if we ask him, he’ll feel obligated and just be a dick about everything. But if we don’t ask him, my mom’s going to be a bitch. Anyone else have this problem?
Post # 3
I asked DH’s sister, just as a gesture of inclusiveness/intention to bond with her, but if your fiance doesn’t know him well, and neither of you want him there, then don’t ask him. I’m sure your mom just wants to be sure her family all gets along, so just reassure her that it’s not a personal thing, and maybe even get brother on your side that he wouldn’t want to do it anyway.
Post # 4
Honestly.. I had the same problem in a bit of a way.. I live in a different state than my brothers, and I didn’t want them to be groomsmen, because they are younger,and also very shy and not talkative to people they don’t know, but I also wanted to incorporate them on my big day because I am the only “big sister” they have. I am having them walk me down the aisle.. They don’t HAVE to talk to anyone, or do anything that would make them feel uncomfortable.. Maybe incorporate him in a way that you think he would feel comfortable, if your having programs, have them hand them out, or have him do something so that he doesn’t feel left out and not important, and so that your mom won’t get upset at the same time.. Just remember, it’s YOUR wedding, and the people who YOU want to be involved, are what matters.. Hope this helps, and good luck:)
Post # 5
I don’t see how your mum can argue that he should be a groomsman when he doesn’t know your FI that well. It’s up to your future husband to pick his side, not your mum! I think you should stand your ground, it’s your wedding, not hers.
Post # 6
When I got engaged my younger brother had met him three times, older brothers never met him. My younger brother was like … and I quote cause yes he did call me dude…. “Dude I don’t know that kid, I’m sure he had enough friends to be groomsmen, plus we got the younger kid that’s not a FG so i need to watch her … so dude I’m not offended” So that took him off the hook, the rest of my brothers aaaaaaaaaaand me having to ask DH’s sister to be a bm.
Post # 7
You’re mom’s wrong! It is pretty normal to ask the bride’s sisters to be BMs and the groom’s brothers to be groomsmen, but it less usual to ask bride’s brothers to be GMs and groom’s sisters to be BMs. Because they tend to know those people so well.
You may want to point out to her that Prince William did not make Kate Middleton’s brother a groomsman. Instead, the brother did a reading. I always think a reading is a good role for the bride’s brother or groom’s sister.
Post # 8
That is definately not even what most people do! My husband had his brother as his groomsman but no way was he ever expected to have mine as his groomsman!
Your brother being shy probably wouldn’t even want to be a groomsman!
I don’t even think he would be obligated to have his own brother as his groomsman!
As for flower centrepieces – totally not compulsory either! I love flowers but they can be expensive – we had some succulents in water pearls and decorated jars because it was a very affordable DIY option. Still I think candles or candy or any number of other things can be just as wedding-like.
What you have should be what you enjoy and what says something about who you are as a couple.
We didn’t have a limo. No one noticed because the entrance was not in view of where people were gathered. It would have been a waste. I actually got dressed at our venue too and when we left together it was in a normal car. Really unless YOU would really enjoy a limo you don’t have to have one.
My mum got a grumpy look on her face when I said I wasn’t going to get a proper decorated wedding cake – just some yummy normal cake – I stuck to my guns though.
When my mum realised how much money I was saving on all these things and she spoke to a friend about how much she was paying for her daughters wedding flowers alone she was very relieved!
Thing is in our parents generation weddings were cheaper. What it costs for a celebrant or cake alone now would have paid for all the catering in their day.
Maybe tell her if she really wants all these things she can pay for some of them and give her some quotes. I bet she quickly changes hre tune!
Post # 9
@SharlaK: I agree on the limo. We just decorated some ordinary cars.
But having married a long time ago, I disagree with you that “Thing is in our parents generation weddings were cheaper”. They were only cheaper because people used cheaper things. But overall standard of living has gone up and everything has got more affordable.
Post # 11
@SharlaK: (Old reply removed). I think we’re threadjacking. Feel free to create a new thread about this. If so, PM me, I can offer some perspective as a 40-something Australian.
Anyway we agree that OP doesn’t have to do stuff just because her mother says so. (Unless her mother’s paying, in which case she can splurge on limos with her money if she wants to).
Post # 12
@paula1248: It’s all good Paula – I have no need to thread jack or spend ages thinking about the expenses of life. I’ve deleted my last reply to you also. I agree the point is her wedding really needs to be just about the priorities she shares with her FI.
Post # 13
FI’s brother is in the wedding party, but my brother isn’t. He has five guys already. My brother is not hurt/or cares either way. I am having him walk my mom down the aisle. Maybe that is something you can consider so he gets to be in the wedding, but not as a groomsman?
Post # 14
Neither my sister or I were BMs in either of our brothers’ weddings. It’s not required. I think your mom is probably wishing your brother were not so shy. But the brother will probably appreciate being just a guest if he is shy.