(Closed) Does DH really dislike his old job location that much?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It sounds like he really, really, really enjoys his new location! 

 

If he is feeling this relaxed, and happy there, I am not seeing a big problem. Yes, it is cutting into personal time, BUT, he would be so much happier! Having a miserable husband, but you see him a lot, or a happy husband you see less… Which sounds better?

 

Surprise him when he comes home with his beautiful wife, who wishes to express how appealing he is ;-). Find ways to really enrich the time you have together. 

 

Maybe in a few years, you can move. Talk to him again about wanting to move, but stress that his happiness is important, because it affects the happiness of your relationship. Then wait it out a few months, and maybe talk about it again. 

Post # 4
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Honestly I think its great that he seems to love his new job. It sounds like its brought him alive! Most people don’t have their dream career, so to even like your job is really a blessing. If he is this drastically different he must have been really unhappy at the old location. I do understand long commutes – I drive 70 miles one way to get to work. I am a federal employee and am able to telework though (work at home every other day) so it kind of gives me a break. I wake up early to miss traffic and I can definitely see how the long drive would take a toll on someone after a while. If he loves this job and wants to stay on, would you be opposed to moving? Would you be able to transfer or find something else, or would it mean that you would now be the one commuting to your job?

I heard a report the other day listing the top 5 regrets people have in life. #2 was their career choice. This is something he will be doing for the next few decades and being unhappy at work could eventually bleed into other parts of his home life. Personally, I hate when FI comes home in a bad mood because of work. It ends up affecting the entire night and sometimes the next day. I do believe that your DH could have disliked the old job as much as it seems. I love my job now, but 3 years ago before my promotion I was working in a different department (same building, but downstairs) and hated it. The people were nasty and always in a bad mood, the work wasn’t stimulating at all and I just felt so dissatisfied. Now I love my job! The coworkers have made a huge difference and the mood is so much lighter. I don’t feel as ‘depressed’ about work  and I’m not looking for other job opportunities since I’m happy where I am.

I do think the long hours he works kind of sucks, but if you ask him to stay at the old location (when he is able to go back) he might resent you for it in the long run. Have you told him that while you are really happy he loves his job, that you are feeling like its taking away from your relationship a little bit? I think if you just mention something negative about the job/hours/commute etc he might get defensive since it seems like you are attacking something that is making him so incredibly happy right now. If you say that you are also very happy about his career turn he might be more open to hearing you out.

Post # 5
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I guess I’m not really seeing the problem here.

Your DH is happy about his work life and situation for the first time in a long time and is really seeming to thrive.  Plenty of people drive 30-60 minutes each way for work every day (I drive 45-50 min).  Plus you could always move closer.

I feel like you ought to be happy for your husband because his work life at the old location was clearly affecting him outside of work.  And that isn’t any way to live life.

Post # 6
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I drive 45-60 minutes each way every day for a job that I HATE, so this ‘problem’ slightly baffles me. It’s awesome that your husband is so happy at the new place – I would hope that your husband’s happiness would be well worth the extra 20-45 minutes it can take him to drive home, and the little bit of extra gas money. I might talk to him that it kinda bugs you when he waits to leave until traffic dies down, because you miss him and can’t wait for him to get home to you, and tell him it would be awesome to go out with his co-workers but that you’re in the mood to have a quiet night at home with him sometime soon.

I guess I don’t really understand why you’re questioning whether or not his new job location makes him that much happier than the old one – it’s pretty obvious from your post that the answer is a resoundng yes!

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@texasbee:  Aw, I’m sorry he got sick and then called into work, what a bummer for both of you =(

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