(Closed) Does everyone need to get a Save the Date?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s fine to send STDs to only some guests.  I don’t think a second round of STDs is necessary though, just go straight to invites.  For example, had I decided to invite my boss to my wedding (we didn’t) but we were just going to send an invite and not an STD.

Post # 4
Member
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@orangeroses29:  You don’t need to send save the dates so early.  For a destination wedding, I say wait until the 9month mark.  As for the party and parents, they don’t need a save the date.  You will obviously be relaying info to them on a frequent basis.  We didn’t send STD’s to any of our immediate family or bridal party.  Only general guests.  I will be sending all of them invitations though.

Post # 5
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m debating whether or not to do save-the-date cards at all.  I think I might just include the date and wedding website info on a holiday letter and perhaps slip a save-the-date magnet into the letters of those guests who will be traveling from out of town.  I do think in your case, sending save-the-date cards to all might be advisable since you’re getting married on Mother’s Day and all guests will have to travel at least a little ways.  I’d get them out anytime between now and 9 months.

Post # 6
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

i agree thath you do not need to send STD’s to everyone. I’m sending them to immediate family, aunts an uncles, (close) friends and cousins that I’m close to. The rest will just have to wait until the invites. Although it does make it easier in the way that we’re getting amrried in the city where we live, many of my relatives will have to book flights to attend the wedding from abroad. So for them it really is a must to get the date out.

Post # 7
Member
526 posts
Busy bee

Personally, I would want a heads up as soon as possible so I could literally Save the Date.

 

and especially if its a destination wedding, so I could save up for it and make arrangements (travel costs, babysitter/pet sitter, possibly take the following Monday off of work)

 

I think at the very least send an early save the date to people you KNOW you want there.  hotel info might not be needed this far out, (type A planners like me will contact you if they really want to know) but if you do send anything out, include the destination with the date, so there is some indication of ‘you might have to spend some extra money to get here, AND its a holiday!’

 

Happy Wedding!

 

Post # 8
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It sounds like sending different rounds of save the dates would be best in your situation.  Since you are supposed to invite everyone who gets a save the date, it makes sense to only send them now to bridal party & family members who will definitely be invited.  

Sending a second round of save the dates once the guest list has settled more and you know who you’re inviting makes sense because it’s a semi-destination wedding on somewhat of a holiday weekend, so guests would probably need to know about the timing sooner than the typical invitation timing.

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We sent STDs to everyone on our list, but since then have added a few more couples. Since we just ordered our invites I’m not going to send the extras a STD and then an invite right away. I think the invite will be ok.

Post # 10
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

we only sent save the dates to people we knew we absolutely were invited and who we really wanted to come. Everyone else will just get an invite. That way we don’t have to un-invite anyone who got a save the date when it comes time to cut people off the guest list before sending invites

Post # 11
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

Its my understanding that only OOT or OOS guests who may need to travel and find lodging and important guests such as immediate family or close friends etc need one.  However, if the wedding takes place during the week or on a holiday it is courtesy to send a Save-the-Date to all families recieving an invitation.

Post # 12
Member
7893 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@orangeroses29:  my friend is having a DW, she is not sending STD’s but only sending the invitation 6 months in advance.

 

Post # 13
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’d send Save The Dates 10-12 months ahead of time since it’s a destination wedding to give people time to make travel arrangements and get time off of work. then send the invites maybe 3 or 4 months before.

Post # 14
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Squaw Valley

In my opinon, for a destination wedding there’s no such thing as getting info to your guests too early.  I’ve been invited to several out of town/destination weddings and am always grateful for an early heads up.

Post # 15
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee

Send-the-Date cards are not required, and in fact strict etiquette rather frowns on them. They create an ambiguous condition of not-invited-yet-but-entitled-to-expect -to-be that is awkward to manage. Since “a prior engagement” should never be broken, they give the impression of trying to budge into queue ahead of any legitimate invitations that might come before yours, and the command to Save the Date!! is intrusive. On top of that, their form reminds one of the advance-advertising engaged by the convention industry, from which most likely the idea was garnered, and adds a touch of commercialism to what is otherwise a refined social event. And they are the source of much angst and rudeness on the part of brides who send out too many too early before their guest list is truly fixed, and then either follow through on inviting people they cannot afford or do not want, or decide to leave people hanging, holding the date for an invitation that will never come and snubbed by an invitation that was discussed in front ot them but never forthcoming.

People whom you truly need to have present and those who need to make travel and vacation-time arrangements can be alerted in a short personal note (or email). Others do not need the advance notice that a Save-the-date gives. But if you do decide to resort to commercially-printed cards instead of discreet personal notes, use restraint and avoid sending them to people who do not need them or should not have them.

Post # 16
Member
1101 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We are only sending STDs to our out of state/country family & friends.  When a passport is required to attend the wedding (and that is roughly about 1/2 of our guests), we want to give them plenty of notice. It is the polite and thoughtful thing to do.

 

We are getting married in the city in which we live and will not be sending STDs to those guests that are local.  

In any case, be sure to send STDs to only those that you are 100% sure you are inviting (but everyone on the bee knows that).

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