Post # 1
I mean, I understand that in a marriage it is no longer about what I want and need but what WE want and need. But, at what point is enough enough? I have wanted a dog for 3 years. And I keep getting told, later, not yet, soon… Soon was 3 years ago! Always a reason why I can’t have a dog. I am fed up. He likes dogs. He talks about them. But when the subject of actually getting one is brought up, he shuts down and wont allow it. I get that at this point I have to listen and take into consideration his wants and needs. But, I am so beyond fed up. I am not asking to have kids right now. I am asking for a dog. We can afford it! Ugh….
Post # 3
@Mrs Hedgehog: Ask your parents to get it for you! Then there doesn’t have to be compromise. When you want something get it as a gift LOL. Or even give someone the money to get it for you as a gift. If I lived closer I would help LOL
Post # 4
@mwitter80: excellent work around suggestion!
@Mrs Hedgehog: It sounds like you have already done the compromising by waiting 3 years. It’s time for him to compromise and let you get your doggie.
you put mr. Hedgehog on the WB and we will set him straight.
Post # 4
@Mrs Hedgehog: What are his reasonings for not wanting one right now?
Post # 5
@mwitter80: Tried that. My dad was going to get us a free spayed puppy w/ all its shots but Mr. Hedgie wouldn’t let him.
Post # 6
@mwitter80: Hopefully you are joking. That would be great for the realtionship of FI and her parents, with them undermining the relationship.
@Mrs Hedgehog: The answer to your question is mostly Yes. Any decision that impacts the two of you has to be a joint decision and often that does involve compromise on both parts.
I would however be expecting him to be a little more concrete about when he did see us having a dog. You have compromised by waiting three years. It’s time for a little compromise now from him by setting a date.
Post # 7
@Mrs Hedgehog: so if it came in a box with a big bow, he would make you give it back? See you went wrong when you asked LOL.
Post # 8
Well, most of life is compromise in some way. Three years does seem like a more than reasonable time to wait. My husband and I had talked for 2-3 years about getting a second dog and there was always a reason that came up as to why we shouldn’t at the time. Then we realized, there isn’t ever an ideal time, so we went 3-4 times to the local shelter and adopted a second dog (first dog had a lot of say in the matter that’s why so many visits).
I would bring up the point that shutting down and just not allowing something isn’t a valid reason. I would want a specific reason (and maybe he’s thinking the stress of the wedding is it right now) and if there’s no specific reason, I say see if he’s willing to visit a local shelter and just see the dogs there. Those eyes are very hard to resist! 🙂
Post # 9
Ask for one for your birthday and don’t give him any other options.
DH doesn’t really like to travel, but I love it. So every year for my birthday, I ask for a trip, and he “has to” give it to me because I don’t want anything else! Now it’s almost a given. Come the fall he asks “where are we going for your birthday this year?”
Post # 10
@Mrs Hedgehog: Buy/adopt one yourself. Be firm, tell him this weekend you are going to start looking for a dog and that he’s welcome to join you you. If he whines and complains stand your ground and let him know that you’ve waited for three years and this weekend is dog weekend.
Post # 11
If not a puppy… what about an older dog that’s already house trained? It’s not the same as having a puppy, but there are plenty of older dogs that need adopting, too.
I’d just demand (yes, demand) to know the reasons why and if they aren’t logical (ie: can’t afford it when you can, too demanding, etc), then I’d just go get the pup I want and tell him to deal. and point out that it’s great practice for when you have a kid ;)…. and tell him he should be happy you’re not bugging him for a baby yet! (ok, so that’s kinda evil, but that’s just me…)
Post # 12
Definitely DO NOT turn up one day with a puppy. Friend of mines husband did that, she came home one day and found a Irish Wolfhound puppy in their kitchen to add to the 2 dogs and 4 cats they already had. And if you know the breed you know they are not dogs you just randomly bring into the house.
So no surprises like that and no don’t let your folks just buy you a dog.
What are his reasons for not wanting a dog? There must be some because if you can afford it there has to be another reason as to why he is refusing.
My FI is not a huge dog person but he understands that when we have a back yard we are getting a dog. I will train, walk and clean up after it. He will clean the kitty litter. 😛
I don’t think demanding and then just going and doing it are the way to go. That will cause anger and resentment.
Talk to him figure out why he is so against it. Tell him how much you are willing to do for the dog, and let him know that it is happening. But don’t be like “I am going to get a dog tomorrow and you cannot stop me.” Because that really wont help you.
Get him to start looking at breeds with you so you both look at dogs you like.
You have waited 3 years taking the time now to show him why now is a good time to get one really isnt that much of a task.
Post # 13
@CanAmBride: My birthday is in April!!!
Post # 14
@Mrs Hedgehog: Your wedding is coming up, maybe he’s planning on a dog being a surprise wedding gift!
Post # 15
So, my mom said the same thing for FIVE YEARS. This Christmas I just went and got them a puppy and they love it!!! Tell him you found it on the side of the road, picked it up, took it to the vet so he wouldn’t have to do anything but enjoy it. 🙂