Does family know best?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

How old are you?  If you’re not financially ready to have a child, use protection to pretty much ensure you’re not going to get pregnant.  Your parents know more about your situation than you said, so…maybe they do know best.

Post # 4
Member
5192 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@miss_military:  Does family know best?  I think it depends on the family.  Do you think that your family makes good choices in their own lives?  Do you think they are motivated selflessly and are looking out for your best interests, or do you think they have their own agenda?

Ultimatley, you are the ones who will have to live with your choices, so you should make the choices that you feel are right.  Of course, this can be done taking other people’s opinion’s into account. 

If I were you I’d investigate what might be behind this idea they have about not having kids yet.  Many married couples are bombarded with people encouraging them to have kids.  Sounds like an unusual situation.  Issues with age, financial stability, or believing you are with the right partner could be at play?

 

 

Post # 5
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Um no. Your body + your family = You and DH know what’s best for you. 

I think a lot of parents say things like this to us because either A) They enjoy seeing us have opportunities arise throughout our adulthood and in their head/experience they equate having a baby with not having any of that any long. or B) They continue to see us as their children, not as adults. 

The truth of the matter is that many of us have already put off having children much later than our parents did. I certainly have. When we first got married, our families made similar comments about us not having children. We haven’t had children yet (although we are just starting to TTC nearly 3 years later), but that has absolutely zero correlation to them. 

I think it’s well meaning, but no, your parents don’t get a vote on when and if you have children.

Post # 6
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sometimes, but when it comes to matters of when to have children when you have your OWN family now with your husband, it’s none of their beeswax. (unless of course you’re trying to have kids and simultaneously living off them, borrowing money, other such things that display that you are clearly not ready)

Post # 8
Member
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@miss_military:  Well, then it’s obvious why your parents think you should wait.

Post # 9
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@miss_military:  We are in this situation right now.  Newlyweds, 26/28.  My parents want grand kids right now.  DH’s do NOT.  MIL has made it very clear that she doesnt want a grand baby anytime soon.  She doesnt think we are ready.  Well, we arent ready. Financially or emotionally.  We are still too selfish and on the go way too much.  We dont want to give up our life like this just yet.  But if it happens we will welcome it and be super excited.  I have no advice for you except do what you feel is right.  You seem to be putting baby first already since you mentioned finances, which is good! 🙂  I told DH when we have $3000 in savings and NO DEBT we can have a baby.  But not until then. Basically we have 1-2 years! lol   

ETA: Just saw you said you were almost 21….PLEASE WAIT!!!!  I have a lot friends that had kids young like you and regret not getting to enjoy their 20s with their friends.  They had to stay at home with the baby all the time.  They love their kids and all but they said they missed out on a lot. 

Post # 10
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@miss_military:  I don’t really see what the issue here is. You guys have no plans for a child right now and your family agrees that it’s not the right time. What’s the problem? Judging by the fact that you’re very concerned with your family’s opinion and that you’re only now doubting that your family knows best all the time I’m guessing that you’re pretty young. Maybe your family is concerned about that. 

 

Post # 11
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@MsJ2theZ:  +1 Oh yeah, totally this. You can’t sponge off family members and have a baby IMO. In my case, my family made comments along the lines of waiting because we were moving to Afghanistan for work and it’s obviously a dangerous place. Apparently they think I’m a bumbling idiot with no regard for my (future) children’s safety/health. 

Post # 13
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

Since you are 21 I get why they are saying this – I would say the same to my girls.  I was 20 and 22 when they were born, so I am seeing this from both sides.

I would encourage my girls not to have babies at 21 because you have a chance right now to save some money, travel, live some fun childless life.  Have babies now and you won’t have that opportunity for a long  time.

My BFF’s DD got married in NOV.  She is 21.  The wedding was a trainwreck (their doing), they don’t have 2 nickels to rub together, she mentioned to her dad that she went off BC pills because she didn’t like how they made her feel.  They can’t hardly pay their bills now and she is the breadwinner.  If they had a baby, they would go from trainwreck to nuclear disaster.  That is one 21 year old who thinks she has her stuff together, thinks she knows it all, and has no business with a child.

The sad thing is I have known her since the day she was born and I thought so highly of her until the wedding trainwreck.

So, to answer your question – sometimes family gives really good advice and sometimes they need to MYOB.  Just depends! 

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