Post # 1
So… it’s been a long engagement between Fiance and I, and I have been happily planning our wedding (I say I because that’s mostly how it’s been and I don’t begrudge that… I’m a details person, he is not so much!!)
anyways… I have posted here before about struggles with Future Brother-In-Law and his fiance, and their wedding, which is 12 weeks before ours. Well, Fiance came home oday after going for a tux fitting to tell me that his brother has picked the EXACT tux as us, but that he wasn’t going to tell me cause I would get upset… long story short, they are getting married at the same church as us, SAME reception hall, same wording on invitations, same tuxes, same photographer, and IM REALLY GETTING ANNOYED!!! We planned our wedding long before they did, and as our information gets out, it feels like they are walking behind and scooping up everything we have picked, but with more (they have move money to spend than us!) so now, as their day gets closer, I’m feeling more and more like our wedding will just look like a cheap imitation of theirs…. and it’s really bothering me because I have poured my heart and soul into this. So, when Fiance said he didnt want to tell me cause he knew I would get upset… I got even more upset… like he doesnt really care…. am I overthinking this? being crazy? or does someone else out there think that maybe, somewhere in this crazy brain of mine, there is some sense to this. I really upset that I will ultimately be watching my own wedding unfold (details!) just with a different couple at the altar, and it’s really upsetting me!
Post # 3
If he didn’t care, he wouldn’t have thought about not telling you. I do think you have a right to be upset, but not with your Fiance. He is doing the best he can. I would stop sharing details with the Future Brother-In-Law and his Fiance, if you haven’t already, and maybe change your plans a little. You shouldn’t have to do that, but if it is upsetting you, it might be the only thing you can do. I am sure there are other weddings at the same place and they probably have some of the things you do. Your guests won’t be focusing on that. They will be focusing on you and your Fiance.
Post # 4
I’m so sorry this is happening. I don’t think you’re crazy; I think you are stressed and overwhelmed and have a right to be a tad upset. However…that being said I have to be honest and say I don’t think anyone is going to notice. I really don’t. 12 weeks is a long time between weddings and I don’t think I have ever paid attention to the guys’ tuxes at a wedding. I have always been more interested in the girls’ dresses and more importantly, the bride!
I haven’t read your previous posts so I don’t know how much more difficult the situation is with Future Brother-In-Law and his Fiance, but I can truly tell you I don’t think people will notice the similarities. One more thing, what if you and Fiance not tell them any details going forward? I know a lot of couples that keep their wedding details private.
Post # 5
Well, if your Fiance isn’t a details person, maybe he really doesn’t think this is a big deal. I don’t think you can blame him for being laid back about the imitation and about trying to avoid hurting you. Just tell him very clearly that going forward you’d like him to share all these types of details with you (which it sounds like you do).
Also, I’m surprised you guys haven’t stopped sharing details with the other couple by now…that’s really the only way to stop them from copying you more. I think if you stop sharing any details now, you can still make this wedding your own. Think about the decor and what you can change in the reception venue. Consider a more personalized ceremony. With tuxes and other smaller things, maybe it’s not too late for you to change those? The photographer I don’t think matters that much, since he’ll be taking photos of a whole different wedding!
Best of luck with this situation, I’m sure it’s super-frustrating to deal with.
Post # 6
unfortunately we have stopped sharing details… but they seem to be leaking from future in-laws… who are helping pay for the wedding, so we can’t keep the details from them completely… it sucks! We have even asked them to not talk about details with Future Brother-In-Law, but somehow the information is still getting out.
Post # 7
It’s impossible to not share details, this is your wedding that someone else is paying for and they are also paying for their other child’s wedding so of courses they are going to share details (hell they may even be getting a deal from the photographer and the like). Here’s what I would suggest you focus on because I’m sure you are feeling like your special day that you have worked VERY had on is being taken away. I don’t blame you it’s not a good feeling at all. Anything you can avoid telling the FIL’s I’d do so. If you tell them it seems natural the other wedding they’re planning would know (even though you’ve asked). I agree with pp’s make the ceremony your own. You’ll be at their wedding a whole 12 weeks before yours you can pick it apart piece by piece and know exactly what to do and what not to do, think of it as a trial run? Can FH pick somehting else to wear? or at least have the Groomsmen wear something different?
Post # 8
It doesn’t sound like by not telling you he doesn’t care, it sounds like the contrary. He’s aware that these things keep happening and that its bothering you so he was trying to keep it from you to avoid the stress. My Fiance does that to me, it never works out the way he wanted it to, but I understand. I’m sorry they’re scooping all of your idea, that would drive me nuts too. But the amount of money they spend doesn’t make it a better wedding. Try to be happy knowing all of your loved ones will be there, and have a BLAST!
Post # 9
I think it sounds like he cares and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. This situations sounds really frustrating. But I agree with Saeliz – to a certain extent, a tux is a tux, people won’t notice. At least it’s the not the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses!
Post # 10
I think it sounds like he cares and didn’t want to hurt your feelings. This situations sounds really frustrating. But I agree with Saeliz – to a certain extent, a tux is a tux, people won’t notice. At least it’s not the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses!
Post # 11
I would have a CONNIPTION. I have real issues with intellectual property lol
I think your Fiance does care, but moreso about your feelings than about the circumstances–which is really the best you can hope for. Men don’t care about the details because they don’t notice the them and assume that no one else does either–but the fact that he knows what will upset you and tries to make your life a little less stressful is sweet.
Post # 12
he most definitly cares which is why he didn’t want to tell you because he didn’t want to upset you. im sorry to hear that you’re going through this!!! your wedding will be great no matter what!!! all of your hard work and planning will pay off when your standing up on that altar looking into your fiance’s eyes and exchanging vows with him!
Post # 13
That would annoy me too, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with it! Do they know your wedding colors and what your bridesmaid dresses look like? Are your wedding dresses different? As long as they don’t copy those, I think you’re fine.
Good luck with this!
Post # 14
Are you kidding?! I can’t believe they are using all the same vendors as you! So rude!
But I don’t think your Fiance doesn’t care..I just think that some guys are not worried about the same things us gals seem to care about~! It’s a hard situation for him, it’s his brother..which means he prob wants to keep the peace.