Post # 1
I was curious how everyone else’s relationships work in this respect. I live with SO and find it hard to get him to do chores without me asking him. He says he doesn’t mind doing things, but he “doesn’t think about it,” so I pretty much have to ask. I don’t want to me his Mom or naggy. I think it shouldn’t be my responsibility to remind him to clean up.
His Mom is a control freak/perfectionist, so she basically took control of EVERYTHING before we lived together.
Have any of you dealt with this?
Post # 3
Haha DH tidies up his own crap, but he doesn’t actually CLEAN unless I ask. It’s okay though; he just sees it as me being master of the house, so he wouldn’t suddenly take it upon himself to clean the sink or something for fear of messing up my master plan. But he cheerfully completes any task when asked!
Post # 4
I was actually just getting on FI’s case today about him having 2.5 days off in a row and doing nothing but putting up the curtains! He’s like “yeah..I’m sorry, I’m bad.”
I have to tell him what and when things need to be done, but he always does it once I ask. I’ve learned from being together for so long that that’s just how it’s going to be, at least for now, and I’m okay with that most of the time.
Post # 6
We are long distance, but have spent a lot of time together. He is more a clean freak then me, I don’t mind clutter.
In the end he has to realize I not going to meet his standards, I step up and make more an effort to clean counters and put things away as I know it’s going to annoy him.
Post # 7
I do most of the cleaning, but I have a lot more time than he does. He said he just doesn’t notice or think about cleaning. But if I ask him to do something, he does.
Post # 8
I voted yes, because my FI is the neat freak and I am the one who doesn’t notice the mess and/or messiness doesn’t bother me enough to prompt me to clean.
This is a reverse situation but it is what has worked for us. FI let me know that he didn’t mind cleaning but that he was becoming resentful for bearing most of the burden AND he felt like it took time away from relaxing together after work and on the weekends. So he asked if we could institute a short time period each night where we both do a bit of cleaning. We take 20 minutes after dinner every night, each pick a chore, and complete it. It’s hardly any time at all, it keeps the place in a consistent state of cleanliness, and he’s right, we do have more time to relax together.
Could you perhaps institute something like that? If your SO sees how little time it really is and how much it helps the relationship, maybe he will be more willing…
Post # 9
We clean together, the same way we do almost everything else. It’s never been an issue with us. We haven’t even talked about it very much. We each know what needs to be done and we do it. No big deal. For example, whoever cooks the other cleans. If he’s mowing the lawn I’m inside doing laundry. We agree we like things in our environment to stay beautiful, clean and neat – house and yard – and we both do our share to make it happen. I’m lucky, I know!
Post # 10
It depends. Sometimes he takes the initiative, but generally I have to ask him to clean stuff up. I mainly make him take care of the kitchen and I clean everywhere else (which is quite the job, since he just leaves his crap EVERYWHERE as he takes it out of his pockets/disrobes no matter where he is at the time).
His idea of “clean” and mine are a bit different though. I’ll usually go through areas that he has “cleaned” and tidy up a bit more.
Post # 11
We’re also reversed. FI will clean of his own accord, whereas sometimes I need a kick in the butt. That said, sometimes he slacks a bit on his actual cleaning abilities. Like, he’ll have a fit because of a messy kitchen, do the dishes and clean the stove but not touch the counters. So we tend to even each other out because I’ll pick up where he leaves off.
Post # 12
@memo: He cleans more than I do. I’m the bad one that has to be nagged a bit 😛
He’s a keeper!
Post # 13
before i moved in with him, he was good at picking up before i came over. he would do laundry but never folded so whenever i went over there i folded what he would lay on the couch. as soon as i moved in i was doing the cleaning. now that we are married and i am not working its like my duty to clean. i dont have a problem with it, just wish he woul pick up after himself.
Post # 14
Thank god he cleans…
He does the bathroom, empties the dishwasher, helps with laundry, helps clean up dishes after dinner, does all the dusting, and takes out all the trash.
I deep clean the kitchen, vacuum the whole place, do all the cooking, change the litterbox, help with laundry, and also empty the dishwasher.
We are very very even.
Post # 15
Only when I ask but still does not do a good job so I will usually have to go over it again myself.
Post # 16
I voted yes, but that’s kind of halfway a lie. Meaning, neither one of us cleans that much. I mean, our house is pretty picked up and clutter-free (and I do most of that picking up), but neither one of us does a whole lot of deep cleaning.
We both pretty much only really clean when we have people coming over, and then we split it.
I’m a teacher and so I’m not even working yet (I go back next week), and I *still* don’t clean. Instead, I spend all day doing wedding projects, playing on the Bee, running errands. Still not cleaning.
He does most of the laundry. I wipe up the kitchen after either of us makes anything. I pick up all the clothes that we both throw on the floor and I tidy. But that’s pretttty much it.