Post # 1
Hi, im 29 and boyfriend 33, we been dating for 6 years now and we never touch the subject of marriage, we went to eat, waitress asked us if we were married? he answer I will worry about it later. and since then Ive been seriously thinking does he consider marriage? I didnt want to pressure him because I know if he hasnt mention it is because most likely he is not ready, and i notice when i insist sometimes you dont get the true answer. This is a touchy subject and deep inside I know he loves me. I want someone like him next to me, He has good qualities that make me happy. I dont want to make a second mistake, to spend many years with him and then things dont work out. How can I ask him in a way he wont feel pressure if he considers getting marry one day? On the other hand I meantioned long time ago about having babies, and he said that they were too much money, that we needed to have more stability before that, its a big responsibility he said. I let it be, I dont want to be pushy, I just want him to know that i do want to have a family soon maybe 4 years from now start having a family. Please help me, thank you.
Post # 3
We can’t really help you, you need to have that conversation with your boyfriend. Sit down and talk to each other, ask him what his expectations of your relationship is, if he ever plans on marriage or kids, whats his 5 year plan. Frankly it’s a bit overdue.
Post # 4
I agree with Belle2Be . You need to talk to your SO. It’s one thing to be waiting on a proposal, but its quite another to have no clue were you stand on marriage, kids, and the future.
Post # 5
i def think you need to talk about it with him. I was so nervous of bringing up the subject of marriage to FI, i didnt want to scare him away. But if you dont talk about it then i think you could possibly waste some good years waiting on him to come around. The most important part of a relationship is communication and that includes marriage and family. you need to find out EXACTLY where he stands on these issues and see if that fits what you ideally want. It sounds to me like he isnt quite ready for the things you are ready for. Good Luck.
Post # 6
I agree with all those above. I don’t think it’s pushy at all to have the conversation about marriage. You’ve been dating for 6 years, not six months, so it’s a very reasonable question to ask.
What you have to do beforehand is decide what you are willing to accept. If he wants to get married, and is willing to do it more or less on the same timetable you have in mind? Great, and congratulations! But what if he asks for more time? What if he wants to wait until he’s 35 or 40? If marriage and children are very important to you, then you need to let him know, and decide for yourself if you and he are compatible.
Your situation touches me, because I was in a relationship for six years, and it wasn’t until the end that I finally understood that he didn’t want to marry me, yet wouldn’t let go of me either. I felt lied to and ridiculous for staying with him so long, so I don’t want you to end up in the same position.
Post # 7
I definitely think you need to have this conversation with your SO. After 6 years its long overdue. In a relationship you should be able to talk about anything and marriage and kids are a biggie. You don’t want to continue in this relationship if you want different things out of life.
Post # 8
I would just come out and ask in a very casual manor: “Do you ever think about getting married” My recommendation: Don’t sit down and have a conversation and start it with “there’s something we need to talk about”. That feels like pressure for a guy. Plus it shows you have been thinking about it for awhile and have all of your thoughts organized and he might feel surprised by it.
One night my FH and I were cooking in the kitchen and I was standing facing the stove and he was behind me cooking and I just asked the question. I didn’t see his face and honestly I didn’t want to. I just threw it out there. He replied, “Of course. Who wouldn’t want to marry you?” We talked casually about it. He proposed a few months later, but it was a good way to bring up the topic and figure out where he stood without him feeling attacked.
Post # 9
This is a discussion you should definitely be having. If it’s the direction you want to be heading, and it has been 6 years, then you should both know what the other’s intentions are.
Approach it in a casual way at first, but definitely put this out there. He needs to know that it’s important to you.
Post # 10
Marriage is about communication. If you want to get married, you both need to be able to comminicate your wishes/timelines to one another. Marriage is not a magical thing that happens when the guy decides he is ready to ask – it’s a mutual decision/discussion between to two of you that ultimately ends in a wedding of some sort. So, you need to sit him down and ask him the when and the why about how he feels about marriage.