(Closed) Does Invitation = Gift?

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: If you're invited to a wedding and are RSVP'ing "NO" are you still obligated to send a gift?
    Absolutely yes. : (9 votes)
    29 %
    Yes - depending on the relationship with the happy couple. : (15 votes)
    48 %
    No - a card is fine. : (5 votes)
    16 %
    No - I just RSVP "no" : (2 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    360 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009 - Westwind YWCA camp

    I don’t think it’s necessary to send a gift, but I probably would, myself.  Just for good ju-ju, you know.

    If it’s a financial hardship for you, though, then of course don’t send a gift/money!

    Post # 4
    Member
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    If you’re able to send something small it would be nice… you can never *really* know what the couple was thinking, maybe they went simple on the invitations for convenience or cost-cutting, maybe they think of you as closer friends than you think of them.

    I invited someone I thought of as a reasonably close friend, although we haven’t been in touch very much since I moved. She was surprised to be invited, which was surprising and disappointing to me. There were also people I don’t feel close to at all who were surprised not to be invited… Just because you think of someone as close or not close doesn’t mean it’s mutual… you could have made a big impression, they could be interested in developing a friendship, your FI’s coworker might admire your FI… or they could be just gift-fishing. If you can send a little token, I think it would be nice.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I personally always send a gift.  But it sounds like you actually don’t even like these people, so maybe under those circumstances I wouldn’t send a gift.

    Post # 7
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    I always try to send at least a little something for all of the weddings we are invited to.

    I have found about 10 copies of The Bride and Groom First and Forever Cookbook at Ross for $4.99 so that and some measuring cups or mixing bowls is an easy and fairly inexpensive gift that to me is thoughtful.

    I would say just do what you feel is right–sending a gift and being grouchy about doing it isn’t worth it if these people are not super important to you or your fiance. In my opinion, sending a gift for a wedding and reception you are not attending is not a requirement. Your card gesture sounds really nice too.

    Good luck!

    Post # 8
    Member
    2641 posts
    Sugar bee

     I wouldn’t bother.  If you are close to someone and can’t go, sure send them a gift.  But if not, and you don’t even seem to like them, why stress yourself? 

    I can’t comment on whether or not they are fishing for gifts or b listed you.  But you would know better than us.  But it sounds like they aren’t your favorite people anyway, and feel strongly about the whole situation.

    Post # 9
    Member
    548 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    Thanks for the explanation MrsBtoBe… in light of all that, I think you’re fine to send just a card.

    Post # 10
    Member
    349 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I, personally, would always send a gift, regardless of the invitation, and I wish I didn’t feel that way (just the way I was raised, and to me, it’s not worth the hassle of offending people, I suppose). Usually couples will put less expensive ($15-$20 items) on their registry anyway, so gift giving isn’t always a HUGE burden, but I see where you’re coming from (it’s the principle of the whole thing).

    The only time I didn’t send a gift was when my fiance and I were invited to his ex’s wedding (we both still speak to our ex’s). We had just moved, and I had just recovered from a serious illness, so we sent a reply card declining, and couldn’t afford even a $20 gift, so we didn’t send one. I regret it, but we really had no money to our name at that point.

    My fiance has a family member getting married in August, and over the past year, they’ve had a really bad falling out and we even had to ask this family member to step down as a groomsmen in our wedding. This guy was pretty awful to us, and we were surprised to get an invitation to their wedding, but we did. We sent a nice $20 gift anyway just to prevent any talk in the family about pettiness and such, and I guess, in a way, to extend an olive brand, even though we really didn’t want to.

    I’ve read in various places that etiquette dictates that wedding gifts shouldn’t even be expected anyway, and that they’re not required … it’s just the nice thing to do. I honestly think that everyone should just do what’s best for themselves (even though I don’t follow that advice myself!).

    Post # 11
    Member
    2365 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I chose absolutely send a gift.

    In your situation, and reading the relationship you have with the bride and groom, I think if you send a card, you’ll be fine. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    i think a good rule of thumb is if you want to go but can’t, (for some reason), send a gift.  If you don’t want to go, send a card.

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