Post # 1
So, as of lately I have kind of been thinking about what it will be like once my bf FINALLY does feel ready and proposes. I feel like the fact that we have been together for over 4 years and he still does not feel ready (not due to anything financial, finishing school etc) really hurts me. I feel like he should be ready. We have also had many talks (meltdowns for me,oops) about the whens and whys of being engaged. It is also somewhat hurtful to me that I have had to bring it up and ask him about it from time to time. I just wish that I was in the situation that many girls are where they don’t even have to bring engagement up and their bf goes out and excitedly buys a ring and proposes. So what I have been thinking to myself is that obviously I will be super happy the day he finally does propose but I don’t know if I will ever be able to feel the same happiness/excitement that I would knowing that I never had to go through all the horrible feelings and questioning that I have had to experience while waiting. And knowing that there were some things about me that he has had reservations about makes me feel like maybe being engaged is something I have to earn rather than something I deserve, if that makes any sense? I just don’t know if I will have the same feelings and confidence in the engagement as a girl who get engaged without waiting for 4 years for someone to be sure about her….
I know this would be different if you were waiting but your bf really wanted to be engaged but had financial issues that needed to be taken care of first etc…
I hope any of that makes any sense, I just needed to vent again. I would love to hear if any of you think that waiting has changed the way you will feel once you are actually engaged.
Post # 3
My DH only took 1.5 years to propose, but honestly by the time we got to that point we had been through so many fights about getting engaged. Including the fact that he moved in and lied to me saying that he would propose shortly after and later admitted he never actually meant it. It took him until about 2 weeks before he popped the question to be ‘sure’ about getting married. So I actually was also worried that it wouldn’t feel exciting or happy, but honestly I was totally wrong. I think the reason was because DH really MEANT it when he proposed and was just as excited as I was. Also, we had gone through so much to get there that it felt super special.
Post # 4
I just want you to know that I’ve been in your shoes. I don’t miss being there at all. My fiance proposed to me after 5 years, but I had been bugging him since about the 4 year mark.
I’m not going to lie to you. I had some ugly meltdowns and said things that I’m not proud of. My FI didn’t hold off on proposing because of money issues, or school, or anything like that. To this day I do not know why he waited so long to propose.
I saw so many girls on here that said they weren’t engaged yet because he didn’t have money for a ring or because he was waiting to graduate, etc, etc… But when you’ve been together for 4 years, are done with school, have no debt, it’s hard to understand why he hasn’t proposed yet and it hurts. Anyways, I say all that to show you that I know exactly where you’re coming from.
All that aside… I was so happy when he proposed. Seriously. Over the moon. I think I was in a daze for the first whole month of engagement (it was awesome, I totally want to do that again! :D). And I’m still so incredibly happy that we’re getting married and planning our lives together. Do I sometimes look back and feel remorse for all that time in my relationship I spent “waiting”? Of course! It sucked! But, for whatever reason, he needed to do this in his own time and I tried my best to respect that (wasn’t always the case though…). I can tell you that even after all the arguments and tears and questioning… he was totally worth the wait.
I hoped that helped… Waiting was totally a crappy time for me and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. **hugs** Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat because it sounds like we have been in similar situations….
Post # 5
Hang in there love, i didnt have to wait too long with DH but i was in a relationship before that went on for a while and the subject of marriage was brought up several times before eventually breaking up (though i never really pressured him). it was just my luck that i met DH as soon as that relationship ended- when it does happen – i promise you will be glowing and so happy.
Post # 6
Good luck and I hope you feel great when he does propose!!! I’ve been in your shoes, so I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I was not human, but a dog and he was weighting all pros and cons of having me. I do not believe that proposing to his gf ss something a guy has to convince himself to do. I am no longer with that guy and I have never been happier.
Post # 7
I waited 14 months for my guy to propose and really he just had to do it in his time, even though I felt that he should have been ready from the git-go since he already knew I was going to be the mother of his children. After our second miscarriage, I started getting antsy, at that point I felt that he should have done it just after all we been through but for whatever reason he still took his time about it. Part of it was because he had no money, another part was his family’s feeling towards me which weren’t always positive, then he was working a mediocre job compared to my bread winning one and of course, I am sure my nagging and waiting meltdowns didn’t help much.
We been through a LOT and I felt many times that something was wrong with me because if he really wanted me, he would have done it. Really, it was just me not seeing the situation for what it was. He felt I deserved an expensive ring, which he definitely didn’t have the money to buy, and although he was “ready” he wasn’t mentally ready to take that step which I had to show him how life without me would be (sent him back home to mommy about 3 times) because I couldn’t wait for a grown man to GROW up. Somewhere in there, something clicked and he just realized that at 31 with an infant, it was time and when he realized that, his whole attitude changed.
It is so hard not to think something is wrong with you but I promise you there is NOTHING wrong with you— it is really HIM. Some men need to grow up, some men need to get comortable with the marriage idea, some men need to complete certain goals, some men need to save for a ring. It just really depends on your relationship and where your guy currently is.
Post # 8
Thanks for all the encouragement everyone! I am just starting to get so worried that when he does finally propose it won’t feel organic since I have asked him about it so much. I just want him to be as excited about it as I am, which at this point in time he definitely is not… I’m just scared of ending up being married to someone who wasn’t sure to start with.
Thanks again though, all of your words have made me feel a lot better. Its nice to hear that others have been where I am and it all ended up wonderfully!
Post # 9
I was in the same situation that you’re in.. we had been together for almost 5 years.. didn’t really start asking him “when” til about the 4 year mark (We’re both 31,, good jobs,, no debt so money is really not an issue.. we’ve also been living together for 3 years.. have moved to differenct cities and countries together and have acted as a married couple for a large chunk of our relationship with no real flags of not wanting to be together). He kept saying “spring” then “summer”. Both came and went and still no proposal.. so i had the confrontation with him (i can’t call it a meltdown b/c i didn’t do any of the crying or freaking out… it was more like I’m not going to wait around for you speech) after which he said I was putting too much pressure on him and that i’m ruining it since he planned on doing it in the fall.. so fall also came and went,, still nothing (he hadn’t even looked into rings) and just before christmas i had the meltdown and basically told him to man up or we were over. I ended up not getting a “proper” proposal with a surprise or whatever. We basically decided as a couple to get married (which suits me fine.. I like to think he needed me to kickstart things) but now we are engaged and he bought me a gorgeous ring.. we set a date immediately and he is completely on board with the planning and excitement of being engaged. I also worried that I was ruining the authenticity of him wanting marriage with me,, but that just never happened . We’re on the same page and I SO don’t feel like he only proposed b/c I forced him to.
So bottom line is,, if your relationship is strong and good and headed there anyways,,, those feelings will still happen for you.
Good luck!!! As PP have said waiting isn’t easy.. but it’s usually worth it in the end 🙂
Post # 10
@LittlePenguin: I waited about 2 years after we moved in together for him to propose. There were a number of circumstances which lead to us getting engaged 4 years of dating. I had many meltdowns about it especially when his best friend meets, getting engaged, and marries his wife in the time that you’ve been dating. I remember crying in the bathroom at work wondering if he’ll really propose. It all felt like it would never happen. When he finally did, it felt surreal and scary at the same time. I couldn’t believe that we were getting married and making this all official. That part of it felt overwhelming for awhile after getting engaged. Once we were married, those fears went away. We’re a team and a family together. For me, marriage finally made us a unit together where we really do take care of each other’s needs and help each other grow.