Does it make me completely insane if….

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

You have to have a ceremony somewhere. I guess you just don’t want it to be public. I don’t see what the big deal is. Go down to the courthouse, get hitched, and then have a big party. 🙂

Post # 4
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It sounds like you have perfectly legitimate reasons for not wanting a huge ceremony. You have  several options, and hopefully your families respect your wishes. Do what makes you happy and enjoy your marriage rather than get caught up in a wedding.

Post # 5
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can certainly have a small, private ceremony if that is your wish. The ceremony however, is not the part of the wedding celebration that usually costs a lot of money, so I’m not seeing how that would save much money (other than your dress).

And everything we would want if we have a ceremony we could incorporate into a reception. 

Would the reception not cause you the same stress and anxiety?

No one is obligated to have a huge wedding.




Post # 7
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Thatonegirl171:  You can do anything you want 🙂 In your case, I would opt for a very small ceremony with just you, FI, and a few witnesses. If you CAN have parents attend, that would probably eliminate some of the stress and resentment from them of not having a ceremony, but ultimately you do what you both feel most comfortable with.

Post # 9
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

ceremonies, big or small, is not what costs the money.  it is the party after.


i wanted DH to be more involved.  i asked him questions about everything.  the only thing he cared about was food and music.  if i asked him his opinion on something, we would say yes or tell me to decide.  i wish he would have been more involved with planning.  but i knew it wouldn’t make him happy.


Post # 10
4072 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Go to the courthouse with both sets of parents and get married by a JOP. Then have the backyard cookout that night with a few other family members and friends.

Post # 12
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Since you ideally would only want a few people there, why not do an at-home wedding? I’ve been to two which were lovely, with less than 20 people in attendance.

Post # 13
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

my cousin is doing a dinner with vows exchange. no ceremony just her dad walking her to one end of the banquet hall to her groom -they say their i dos and we all eat…im kinda excited for that wedding next year.

Post # 14
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I still don’t understand why there wouldn’t be travel costs for people to attend the reception?

You can make you wedding what you want it to be.  Invite just your parents, wear whatever you feel comfortable in, have it at your house or whereever.  However, if you are actually going to be married you will need to have a ceremony – I think what is getting confused in this thread is that a ceremony can be as simple as signing papers in the courthouse.  If you don’t do that, you don’t actually get married, and it’s just a commitment party.

Post # 15
5160 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Just elope and have a small casual reception (like the cookout you mentioned) later.  Nothing wrong with that at all.  A lot of people aren’t interested in that.  I think most people would call it not having a “wedding” vs calling it not having a “ceremony.”  


Post # 16
1869 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Polygon:  agreed…. you have to have a ceremony to be legally married. it can be just the 2 of you at city hall, 50 friends in your backyard, or 500 people in a grand cathedral… but the must be a ceremony. you can have it at another time/date or just have it private but even if you elope ypu still have a ceremony.


sounds like what you are saying is you dont want a traditional big dress and long walk down the aisle etc and that is fine. you can get married in your pajamas if you want….there is no requirement to have a special dress or certain # of people (well beyond both of you, officiant and witness in most states)

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