Post # 1
I’m 23 at the moment and by the time FI & I get married, I’ll be a couple months shy of 25. Which I know isn’t super young, but I think still young enough! We’ve been together since I was 18.
I am perfectly content with not dating around anymore and marrying the person I’ve been with essentially since the beginning of college. I love him and we’re so happy. My friends & family are happy for us too, nobody’s said a word about me being too young (he’s a few years older), etc.
But something about marriage scares me. I’m the first of my friends to be engaged and I’m sure will be the first to marry. Most of them are not even in relationships – they’re still doing the single club/dating scene.
I just worry that after I become a “married woman” I won’t fit in with them anymore. I love going out and socializing, I like going to bars and clubs, and my friendships are SO important to me. I need to meet up with friends at least once or twice a week to feel sane. But I’m so scared nobody’s going to invite me out anymore or want me around because I’m “settled down.”
I also have a lot of ambitions to travel, get a PhD, etc…all of which he supports wholeheartedly, so why am I afraid being married means that I can’t?
I’m sure I want my life to be with FI and I know ultimately it’s up to me to make the travel/PhD goals happen and to stay in touch with friends, but I still worry. Did anybody else feel this way? Especially young brides – how do you fit in with your friends now that you’re engaged/married? Am I being stupid?
Post # 3
I can see what you mean definitely. I’ve been with FI for eight years now, and I’m 23 too, I think I feel a little bit the same as you, however I’ve talked to my friends about it and for them, I’ve been committed to him for so long anyway that all it changes is my day-to-day bling!
I’ve been with him since I was fifteen, and the depth of our relationship now means I have absolutely no desire to be single or anything like that! But I’m also incredibly social, and I don’t want that to stop once I’m a Mrs!! Its a really strange, bittersweet feeling!
Post # 4
I’m younger than both of the PP’s at 21, and honestly I think people in friend groups are always at different points in their lives, regardless of what age they are, so for me, it hasn’t felt like a problem at all. Yes, I’m planning a wedding, but I still have the same friends, I’m still going to graduate school, and I’m still equally invested in their lives: I don’t think any of that has to change with engagement or marriage. There are friend groups I know that some friends have babies, some are newly married, and some are single: there are people at all walks of life doing all sorts of things! Plus, when it comes to goals like traveling and education, there’s no reason you can’t do them when you’re married: actually, it means you have someone to do them with and support you through them! So long story short, I don’t think it has to be difficult, and it hasn’t been for me.
Post # 5
It absolutely doesn’t have to slow down your social life. Do you live together now? If not, THAT’S the part that might have a substantial impact on how you arrange your leisure time. If so, there’s no reason to stop hanging out with your friends as much as you currently do.
IMO, the major things that change patterns of socializing are A) moving in with a partner and B) having children. If you’re already living together and not planning on TTC right away, there’s no reason that having a wedding band on your finger or a marriage license on file with the state would necessarily change your social life. It didn’t change mine. I’m just as sociable as before I tied the knot!
Post # 6
I have the same concerns, actually. I am 22 now and will be barely 24 when I get married. I have a feeling my closest friend is going to feel like I’m ‘leaving her behind’ or something, since she is single and wishes she could be getting married soon. So I think it is possible that she pulls away from me a little when i become a married woman.
With everyone else, though, I am not worried. Having a ring on your finger does not make you any less fun at the bars 🙂 I know I am planning on doing all the same crazy stuff for the first couple years of marriage before we start getting serious about babies and houses and all that!