Does it matter? You tell me! Shower or wedding invitations first?

posted 3 years ago in Parties
  • poll: What do you think?
    RSVP dates are fine : (8 votes)
    20 %
    Change the RSVP date of the wedding! : (6 votes)
    15 %
    Wedding invitations must be received before shower invitation : (12 votes)
    30 %
    It doesn't matter which invitation is received first : (14 votes)
    35 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    If the shower invitation is received before the wedding invitation, it may look as though the person was invited to one and not the other.  This is against etiquette because anyone invited to pre-wedding events must be invited to the wedding.  While this confusion would be cleared up upon receipt of the wedding invitation, it’s easier to avoid any misunderstanding, questions, or hurt feelings and send the wedding invite out first.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2661 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I think it would be confusing for guests to receive a shower invitation without having received a wedding invitiation. I would just make sure you sent out the wedding invites first to avoid any confusion.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9412 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I am far from an etiquette queen, but I do think that a wedding invitation should be received first. It just makes sense to me from a logical perspective.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2642 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t think it matters which is first.  I was married in September last year and my bridal shower was in June, so obviously the shower invites went out way before the wedding invites.  I have this happen for about the last 1/2 dozen bridal shower/weddings I’ve been invited to.  So long as all of those who are invited to the shower are invited to the wedding, it shouldn’t be an issue.

    However, I do think your RSVP date is really early.  6 weeks is a pretty big gap.

    Post # 8
    Hostess
    9919 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I have recevied Save the Dates, then a shower invite and then a wedding invite.  I think as long as guests KNOW that they are invited to the wedding before they receive the shower invite you’re fine.

    As for RSVP dates, I would try and split them up a little, you don’t want to confuse people.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1498 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Oops I didn’t even think of this!  I’m about to mail invites for a friends bridal shower before she’s sent invites.  She has sent STD’s tho, so hopefully everyone realizes they’re invited!

    Post # 10
    Hostess
    9919 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @alotlikelove:  (and your poll is set so that only one choice can be selected)

    Post # 11
    Member
    11740 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t think it really matters at all. 

    (Also, you wanted people to pick two options for the poll, but you have it set up to only accept one response – just FYI!)

    Post # 12
    Member
    2332 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I would personally leave a gap of a couple of weeks between sending the two lots of invites…that way you know the wedding ones have most likely gotten there before the shower ones are sent 

    Post # 13
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Since I live OOT and have to fly in for all wedding related activities, I had a shower in May for a wedding in September.  No one seemed to mind that they hadn’t received ther wedding invitations yet.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3735 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @alotlikelove:  I voted along the lines of it doesn’t matter. However, one thing I’m sure of is that it will be confusing to have dates nearly the same. Like, “hey, didn’t I just mail that RSVP back on XX and now there’s another one? Whaaaaa?!?”

    Post # 16
    Member
    8593 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I don’t think it matters.  If I received a shower invite first I would assume I was also invited to the wedding and that it just hadn’t gone out yet.

    My shower invites went out a 1 or 1.5 months before my invitations because my shower was a little over 2 months ahead of the wedding.  I just sent out the invitations right after the shower.  However, most people received a STD so I guess that helped.  Either way I don’t think it matters as long as they get the invitation.

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