Post # 1
It just seems to be a recurring theme on the boards, whether subtle or straight forward, that the mother of the bride usually turns out to be the hardest person to cope with. Or else, she is completely absent and/or doesn’t acknowledge a real relationship between the bride and her fiance and doesn’t want to even acknowledge they are getting married! There are variations to each of these scenarios, but I don’t know . . . maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t it seem moms can be really difficult?
Mine never even so much as acknowledged that I was engaged. I mean, I became engaged while she and I were estranged (we still are estranged) . . . but I told her via email — because she was so unreasonable in person/over the phone I didn’t dare tell her that way. And now, I still don’t know (9 days out from the wedding!) if she’s even going to attend my wedding . . . and honestly, I think it’s probably best she doesn’t. That’s awful, I know. Especially because it still stings, since I was so close to her, my dad and my brother. But none of them are “in” my life and haven’t been for the past 9 months, and then even the past 1 1/2 years. It’s rough.
Do you all think that when you became an adult, and decided you found the man you wanted to spend your life with, and became committed and then engaged and now about to marry and/or newly married, that your mom just went batty? Like, was she at least “ok” before and then went bonkers? What is this? A jealousy issue? Fear? Control? Manipulation? Or just plain imbalance?
Post # 3
My actual mother is batshit crazy and we no longer speak, so that’s out. My aunt raised me, and while she wasn’t THRILLED about us getting engaged (we were pretty young–19 and 20), she’s become more accepting of it over time. She’s very low-key about it, asks me questions but doesn’t really give her opinion.
Post # 4
So far, my mom’s been okay. She’s not quite as enthusiastic all the time as I’d hoped, but I think she’s trying to let me do my thing so that I’m happy.
I’m really sorry to hear about the distance with which your mom is treating your engagement. On the bright side, your FH will soon be your HUSBAND and you can have your own loving, supportive family! 🙂
Post # 5
My mom has actually been the best one! My dad on the other hand has gone a little crazy, and FH’s mom…don’t even get me started.
Post # 6
My mom has definitely had her moments in the past 17 months from telling me that she thinks she might upstage me (Jan. 2010 quote) on my day (we were trying dresses on for her and she lost a bit of weight) to telling me she thought she was also going to walk me down the aisle (July 2009 quote) with my dad, because I’ve always said that (Um, never once). When I told her no, that wasn’t happening (in a much nicer way), and I asked her if was okay…she replied to me in a crying tone…Yes. (alcohol was also involved)
But the past 8 months…my mom has rocked my world. She’s been great at everything and VERY helpful and supportive. We still have a moment here and there but what can you do?
Post # 7
I think its a combination of giving up control, reliving the same experience she had, her own attitude and quirks and just plain mom mania. My mom has been great so far, I hear faint disapproval for my choices on decor and food. She likes my FI and so does my dad, so I don’t have to worry about that. For my mom I think it will be not needing her opinion as much.
Post # 8
My mom is over the moon about my relationship, but was psychotic when it came to wedding planning. At least the wedding is over, so she’s back to being excited about my husband. Wedding crazy is temporary. Anti-husband crazy lasts forever 😉
Post # 9
My mom is not into the wedding at all. She isn’t against it, it just isn’t her thing. I know that most of this comes from the divorce from my father about 6 yrs ago, but sometimes it does bother me that my fiance’s family is more interested than my own.
Post # 10
My mom was some-what easy some-what difficult. She’s not into wedding planning so that was pretty easy.
Where the drama came in is we were married on my parents farm and my mom likes to freak out for no reason and got super stressed out about it. Part of the stress came from my in-laws- my mom knows I don’t care for them (and I’m pretty sure she feels the same) so she was upset with a few things they did.
My mother in law was easy for the wedding- the tough part came with imposing her will (I think MIL/FIL were irritated a minister didn’t marry us- we were married by the mayor, I didn’t want wedding showers, ect..)
Post # 11
I’m still working on how to get the mother who was “normal” to start with. I cut off contact with mine in 1994, and haven’t regretted it for a moment!
Post # 12
I think most Moms respond directly to how their daughters treat them or exclude them. In all of the stories posted here (on Weddingbee), we’re only hearing one side. Most of you aren’t going to write how unbearably demanding you may have been all your lives or how independent you think you are until it comes to money, or even how rude you yourself have been throughout. It’s always harder to admit your own shortcomings than to point them out in someone else.
While we all recognize that weddings are great milestones in our daughters’ lives, some may be jaded by our own experiences. How many times have you read about post wedding regrets and how much effort was wasted or things that we thought were important turned out not to be? Sometimes instead of perceiving that Moms are being negative, it might be better to try and accept that they are trying to save you from wasting both your time and money. I know that as a Mom, I’d do anything I could to save my daughters from falling flat on their faces by not thinking things through. I don’t think that’s being controlling or demanding…I think it’s good parenting.
Most problems arise when you have daughters who turn out exactly as you hoped they would and you end up butting heads. You just may be too much alike and it can become hard to accept. 😛
Post # 13
I thought my mom was going to be wonderful, but it hasn’t always been that way. She just seems difficult about some things, and says things like “well its just something I wouldn’t do”….well you aren’t the one getting married are you? They come to Florida every year to spend 3 or 4 months and i asked if she could bring my wedding dress down for me after the wedding since we are flying, and she told me she didn’t think they would have room. Really? Really? Your only daughter is getting married and you don’t have room in your huge truck to bring her wedding gown??? Nice. She also first wanted to spend $2,500 on my wedding, because thats what she spent on my brothers wedding. What??? Thats not fair. I had a dress to buy, he didn’t have a photographer or videographer or fresh flowers, all of which i wanted. They ended up giving us $5,000 so we ended up spending about $2,500 of our own money that we don’t really have. Oh, and the kicker is they are loaded…loaded. Both retired in their 50’s but do little jobs to keep busy….own 2 houses that are paid for. Don’t think i’m being a selfish little bitch but when she promises me something my whole life, then it happens, don’t act like that ya know. Ok i’m done.
Post # 14
In my case, I think my mom feels like she isn’t going to be the #1 and is upset that someone else is taking HER place. I think it’s a bit of loss and sadness of the change all rolled up into one. I think that’s why she’s been SUPER needy lately… she’s partly excited for all the hub bub… and partly sad she’s “losing” me…. meanwhile, every time I talk to her, she drives me up the wall… which is the EXACT opposite of how I want her to treat me. I wish this whole experience could have been more positive, but it was not the case.