(Closed) Does living together delay getting engaged?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How did living with your SO affect the amount of time until you got engaged?
    We moved in together with marriage in mind, and I think it happened sooner because we cohabitated : (32 votes)
    13 %
    We moved in together with marriage in mind, and I think it took longer because we cohabitated : (20 votes)
    8 %
    We moved in together with marriage in mind, and I think it didn't make a difference : (43 votes)
    17 %
    We moved in together without a timeline in mind, and it happened sooner because we cohabitated : (27 votes)
    11 %
    We moved in together without a timeline in mind, and I think it took longer because we cohabitated : (24 votes)
    9 %
    We moved in together without a timeline in mind, and I don't think it made a difference : (34 votes)
    13 %
    We didn't live together, and I think he proposed sooner because of that : (48 votes)
    19 %
    We didn't live together, and I think it took us longer to get engaged because of that : (1 votes)
    0 %
    We didn't live together, and I don't think it had any affect : (12 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    928 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I add the option *It really just depends on the situation and each couple is different*

    We have done a little both and have been long distance most of the time and we got engaged after 10 months. I don’t really think it is so cookie cutter to say that moving in can prolong getting engaged or help it. It really just depends on the circumstances, where the couple is in their relationship, and just the couple themselves.

    With us, we were long distance and knew not too long into getting together that we wanted to get married. We lived together after we started talking about marriage and he did propose later but I really don’t think it was the living together. For us, it was the fact that we just knew and we spent more time together being in the same place.

    Moving in together is a really big deal so make sure it’s something you do because it’s right for yall and don’t be scared thinking that a ring may never come because he gets comfortable. If it’s right, it’s right and communication is big. You have to be on the same page with where you’re going and understand each other’s goals and ideas for the future. For some, living together may help and for others it could prolong it a little bit but do what’s right for you and it all depends on the couple.

    Ha ok, this got a little more lengthy than I thought but I hope it helps. Just my thoughts!

    Post # 4
    Member
    566 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    i think in certain cases, yes, it can make a man prolong asking the woman to get engaged.  but, every relationship is different.  as for us, i chose “other” we didn’t live together until 5 months after we were married (we’re both military and were at different bases).  if we hadn’t gotten married, we still wouldn’t be together today.

    Post # 5
    Member
    466 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011 - Sweet ceremony by the sea and sunset celebration on the North Shore of Hawaii

    this is an interesting poll, miss obg! as many of you know from my relationship posts, mr. o and i have been together for eons and have lived together almost the entire time. for us, living together allowed us to grow more comfortable and closer to each other {learning each others’ quirks ..and when you have arguemnts, learning how to work it out – there’s no where to go!} and make us 100% confident in this new adventure ahead. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 7
    Member
    4547 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    For us I think it sped up our timeline. We moved in together after 2 months with no timeline and without marriage in mind. One year later he proposed. I think we were both ready to move forward because we knew we loved each other and we knew we enjoyed living together. With that said, every couple is different and that’s just our experience!

    Post # 8
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Honestly, when FI and I moved in together, I was no where near wanting to be engaged. I knew in my mind that he was the one I wanted to marry after about 3 or 4 months though ๐Ÿ™‚

    We got engaged…omg exactly a year ago today! lol and we were together 3.5 years when he proposed. I think he proposed at the perfect time and I dont think that living together prolonged it at all.

    Post # 9
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee

    Well we have been living together for 6 months now and are not engaged yet. However, BF has said that us moving in together has made him feel closer to me and more secure in the relationship. He’s also said that he’s been feeling a lot less ‘neurotic’ about us moving forward (his words). When we moved in together, we already knew that we wanted to get married someday, as we had been discussing marriage for a while before moving in.

    BF and I visited an old friend of his over Christmas, and the friend asked us whether we could see a future together. BF replied “Of course, we wouldn’t have moved in together if we weren’t planning a future together”. So in my case, I think moving in together has only made him feel more certain that I am the one for him.

    I have a couple of female friends who have lived with their BFs for years with no proposal. One of them got so frustrated and tired of waiting that she proposed to her SO, and that didn’t turn out particularly well. Her ‘fiance’ has made it perfectly clear that he has no intention of marrying her for at least another 4 years.

    I think the reason why my two friends are in that sitation is simply that they never discussed marriage with their BFs before moving in together. I think moving in together can speed up the engagement, however, it is important to talk about it beforehand.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2008 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Living together sped up our timeline.  I moved in with him because it made sense financially with no expectations of it advancing our relationship.  Admittedly, I was head over heels in love with him but I couldn’t even admit it to myself.  It definitely made things move faster and we got married after knowing/being with each other after just 3 years.  (That’s not fast for some people but it definitely was for me.)

    Post # 11
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    We were together four years before moving in together, and we lived together a little less than a year before we got engaged.  We got married 13 months after that.  I don’t know that us living together changed much of anything–I wouldn’t have moved in with him without knowing marriage was in our future and the timing of the engagement and marriage had more to do with other life events that we were working on than with our readiness to take those steps.  I do know one thing for sure, living together did NOT prolong the process.  I know people have the thing about buying the cow when you can get the milk for free, but I wouldn’t be with a guy who thought like that.  My husband did not decide he wanted to marry me because I would sleep with him and do his laundry.  

    Post # 12
    Member
    2402 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    We moved in together with a general timeline in mind.. I actually think it made it quicker for us. We both knew we wouldn’t get engaged until we lived together prior. He proposed 4 months after we had moved in together. (We were together 4 years before moving in)

    Post # 13
    Member
    2280 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I don’t see how it matters. There’s no way to know the answer to the might-have-beens. Ultimately, what difference did the choice you didn’t make matter, when that timeline never happened? I’m with the group that thinks it makes no difference–it’s the relationship and the people involved that make the difference, not habitation choices.

    Post # 14
    Member
    156 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My story doesn’t really count – we were roommates first and then started dating!  But I do think that living together is a great glimpse into the future, and you realize very quickly how compatible (or not) you are together.  We also started to share more financially, which I think will make it an easy transition to the financial battles we’ll face once we’re married.

    Post # 16
    Member
    6893 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    When we actually moved in together we had marriage in mind….for the distant future. haha. I don’t think it pushed it up OR made it longer. He had a timeline in mind more than I did, but once we hit our 3 year anniversary I think that’s when we both got more marriage-minded. At that point we’d been living together for a year and a half. He proposed right around 3.5 years but we won’t be getting married until right around 5. ๐Ÿ™‚ We did what worked for us. It wouldn’t have felt right to get engaged quickly after moving in together, but it also would have felt weird to us to still be un-engaged at this point. Make sense? Lol. Just sharing my story. ๐Ÿ™‚

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