Post # 1
The other day, my mom I were discussing how many RSVPs we have so far, and I casually mentioned that she’ll probably have to help me call up her friends if they don’t send in their reply card since I’ll be busy calling up our own guests who don’t respond. Her response? “Oh, well that’s not really my job, I’ll probably just leave that all up to you if it comes to that.” And she was completely serious, because we discussed it after she said that.
I was kind of taken aback by that, and here’s why: My mom INSISTED I invite some of her friends. People I’ve never even met. And since this is a small wedding (90 people max is what our venue can hold) but she’s contributing financially, we agreed she could invite 10 people total (hey, we wanted to invite our OWN friends, too), and she was completely okay with that since her contribution was exactly enough to cover those 10 people. I don’t feel that I should have to call up these people who I’ve never met, but I will if the bride and groom are the ones who are supposed to make all these calls.
I know we’ll have one or two people (if not more) who don’t send in their reply card. Should I tell mom that she needs to call her own friends, or should I just bite the bullet and do it myself, regardless of how awkward it may be?
Post # 3
Bah, I had my FMIL call up her family. Her family, her awkward conversation. I wasn’t going to call up these people and introduce myself (i had never met them), then hound them for an rsvp invite. It’s SO much work to do all by yourself. My MIL offered to make the phone calls…she liked catching up with her cousins and friends. Then i’m not stuck on the phone all night. I don’t have time! Gah! Or, split it up amongst your bridesmaisd. That’s another one i considered. In the end she offered so I let her handle it tho.
I didn’t care enough to call up all these people. I sent out email reminders a la The Knot to our friends (who promptly rsvp’d) and then let her call them. I didn’t have any of their phone #’s anyways.
If they don’t have the courtesy to rsvp, they don’t get fed in my book.
Post # 4
I called or contacted our friends (there were actually only a few), asked my MIL to check on a few on her side of the family, and my mother called her rsvp failing friends. I think it only appropriate that each call their own. And while I like ESJ’s thought of, “you dont reply, you dont eat”… I also know that in reality they would be fed, we’d be scrambling to find a place for them and paying extra. It was worth the calls, and its worth talking it through with your mother so that she calls her friends.
Post # 5
We divvied it up about equally. My mom was in charge of tracking down our family & family friends, FMIL was in charge of their side, and I emailed all of our friends. Since your mom thinks it’s not her job, I’d ask her nicely if she could help you out with this lingering project. Good luck!
Post # 6
I’m not calling people I don’t know for RSVPs, I’m leaving that up to my Mom and my FMIL! You have enough to do!! I say, give them a few days after the deadline, then ask her to call them. If she refuses, just tell her that you’ll have to assume they are not coming! Thats my plan and it will kick into gear on Wednesday!
Post # 7
ejs4y8: That’s kind of how I feel. If she doesn’t want to call them up, I feel like saying, “Well I unfortunately don’t have time, so I guess I’m assuming they’re not coming.”
I really feel awful, and it’s SO bridezilla of me, but seriously, I honestly just don’t want to deal with that, you know?
Post # 8
I agree. I think the moms. or other close relatives usually help out with this stuff, to lighten the bride’s load. It seems fair to me. I suppose you could just not call them, and tell your mom you assuemthey won’t be coming, and will not make a place for them. Then the friends can be embarrassed for not RSVPing. And your mom can be embarrassed for the mix up at the reception. If she only invited 10 people, how many need to be called? It can’t be that big of deal.
Post # 9
For us it worked out well b/c everyone who rsvp’d yes was on “the list” that we gave to our DOC. She was like a matre’ D though and actually stood by the door and told people where they were seated. We only had 13 tables of 10 each; there was no room for escort cards and it worked out well. So, in reality, if someone didn’t rsvp and just showed up, well, she’d HAVE to tell them there was no food! And obviously no clear seat for them as we only sat up 13 tables
Meh, i just got tired of putting up with people in general, so I totally feel your atittude on the whole thing. It’s not really Bridezilla, it’s more just apathy and “i’m tired of this, i have enough to do”. You can’t go running after everyone else being the responsible one; it’s their job to be polite. I’m sure once your mom realizes you’re NOT going to call up her friends (all 10 of them, i mean, really, she can do that), she’ll do it herself.
Post # 10
Oh no, if your mom invited them and you’ve never met them, she’s the one to call!
Post # 11
If your mom did the inviting she should do the hounding! Otherwise tell her that you won’t call and you will turn them away at the door if they show up! I bet she’ll call real quick!
Post # 12
@ Tanya: Yep, there are only about 10 invites on my mom’s list, and we don’t even know if we’ll have to call (we still have some time before our RSVP deadline). But it was more the principle of the thing, and the fact that she didn’t want to help me out. Then I started to second-guess myself and I thought maybe I was SUPPOSED to be the one to call everyone. But I’m getting the impression I’m not. So phew! It’s not that many, but even one phone call to a person you don’t know is sometimes burden enough, you know?