does mother of flower girl have a say in her dress?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Who is paying for the dress? If FSIL is paying for it then she has say. If not, as long as it doesn’t hurt the child or is picky fabric or is inappropriate then the flower girl should match the bride and the bride would have the say.

Post # 4
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

stick to your guns.  FSIL has absolutely no say in what FG is wearing.  that would seriously tick me off.  talk to her directly. it isn’t fair of her to make FMIL her proxy.  she probably thinks you won’t make a fuss because you have to go through her.  sounds like a power play to me.

Post # 6
Member
9560 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

You get the final say absolutely! If she is paying, yes she gets some say, but you still get the final say as it’s your wedding

Post # 8
Member
9147 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Jacqui90:  <—- this

Post # 9
Member
5429 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe a little reminder of how the long dresses almost made her trip? Would she want to see her daughter trip, fall and hurt herself while walking down the aisle? What an embarrassment for her, and for you if that happens. She is only a child so she can’t be exspected to be walking carefully while wearing a long tulle dress.

Post # 10
Hostess
7568 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It’s annoying that she went through FMIL, can you talk to her directly? Say you’re fine with choosing another dress together, but you’ll need to talk about it to do so. 

Post # 11
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@supervixen:  don’t let her get her way!  she’s obviously a bully and used to getting her way.  i’ve had a lot of experience in this department.  just know that this is your day and you get the final say.  you should think about what you’re going to say to her and maybe even write some key points down.  call her for a chat and talk about other things first, wedding related or not and just catch up.  don’t blurt it out at first.  just say “oh and FMIL mentioned you aren’t fond of the FG dress i chose, what is it about it that you don’t like?  i spent a lot of time finding it and it’s exactly what i’ve envisioned for my big day.  the one you chose is sweet but it’s just not what i’ve had in mind.  maybe she can wear something like that one for another special occasion?.”  don’t give her the chance to cut you off and take over the conversation.  be firm but verrrry nice.  kill her with kindness, so to speak.  she won’t be able to make a huge deal about it without looking like a big jerk. 

i think she’ll be so shocked that you’re standing up to her and making your feelings known that she won’t have the opportunity to flip out about it. 

BE STRONG!  IT’S YOUR DAY AND YOUR VISION.

Post # 12
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

The dress you picked out is so much cuter! And it’s also YOUR wedding. Yes, the mother gets a little say (maximum price point, nixing any fabrics the FG is allergic to, etc) but you get to pick THE dress. 

Post # 13
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tough one. I personally want my flower girl and her mom to be comfortable with what she is wearing. I chose a few different styles I was thinking of and got them okay-ed by the flower girl and her mom.  I haven’t picked one yet, but when I do I will absolutely ask the FG and her mom if they like it. I want them to both be happy and comfortable. 

If you picked a tasteful fg dress though (e.g., modest, has sleeves, etc.) I don’t see why your FSIL would need to have a “say” in it just because it wasn’t her personal taste. Howver, I can see why your FSIL may put her foot down if you chose a strapless dress or something age inappropriate that she doesn’t want her daughter to wear.  

I’d personally not want to have a fg dress cause drama, so I’d try and come to a compromise rather than demand she wears something that only you like.

Edit – just saw the pics.  Maybe you could go ankle length (or even tea lenght) instead of floor length? That way she won’t trip!

Post # 15
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Since your wedding is in July, dress #1 is better because your FG won’t be so hot! Full length dresses in the summer are no fun!

Plus, your choice is so much cuter.

Post # 16
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@supervixen:  To avoid further issues, I would just purchase the dress yourself. I think it is prettier than your FSIL’s dress.

I chose my FG’s dresses and had the mother’s pay for our wedding btw. I think your FSIL is trying to be a bully.

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