Post # 1
Im just 4 days away and ive been feeling depressed. My fiance and i have been together almost 6 years (we are in our mid to late 20s), we love eachother to death and we truly feel like we’re best friends, and i feel like i would be excited for the wedding if it werent for all the debbie downers around us. its an emotional time to begin with but some of the things that have made it worse are: Picky friends and family complaining about wedding details/ their negative opinions, fighting/missing family members, the death of a close family member days before the wedding, etc.
But what has been buggin me the most is when everyone acts like once we move in together we’re going to hate eachother, or at least like things wont be the same. All of his friends “joke” about what a big mistake hes making getting married and make marriage in general look like a terrible thing that makes men miserable. Luckily he has a mind of his own and doesnt join in with them but it still bugs me. Even my best frienda nd moh, whos engaged and living with her fiance and their child said that once we live together we’ll get sick of eachother eventually and want to get away as much as possible, especially when kids are in the picture.
I would like to believe that we will still enjoy eachothers company, like we have for the past 6 years and still consider eachother best friends. I would think a marriage between two people who just tolerate each other is not what i thought i was signing up for. Maybe i shouldnt be listening to them, but what scares me is EVERYone claims this happens. Its starting to make me really depressed, i spent all of yesterday crying, and i would like some insight from different people
Post # 2
Mango817: moving in together is a big step, it can be a big adjustement, but you have to go in with an open mind and understand that you probably both have habits that will bug the crap out of the other one. Being able to talk about these things without getting offended will be important.
Are you both moving out of your parents homes in to your own place or have you lived on your own already? (This can make a big difference).
Do you both cook? Do you both clean? Can you both do laundry? These seem like simple things but it’s a big deal. If you can’t stand the thought of underwear on the floor but your FH has always just tossed stuff and his mom picks it up (or vice versa) that can be something that drives you nuts.
DH and I had some stressful moments when we moved in together 8 years ago, we lived together 7.5 years before getting married and we still do things that bug the other but we get through and we have learned to talk it out.
You guys will be fine 😀
Post # 3
Mango817: Moving in together can be a big struggle, especially if you don’t have compatible living styles (like one of you is neat and the other is messy, stuff like that). Some people also require differing amounts of alone time and living together can change that and raise tensions.
In my personal experience, moving in together was really easy. I’ve lived with two boyfriends and it was easy both times. People are often cynical if they’ve had a bad experience and they project that on others, but each relationship is different. I’m not saying it will be easy for you to transition, but it won’t necessarily be as bad as people are telling you.
Post # 4
Moving in together does change things a lot- but not always in a bad way! The poster above me summed it up better than I could. Living with your partner can be a big adjustment and call for compromise and you will probably have to make some changes to how you’re used to doing things, but all in all it’s nice to have a “home” with the peryou you love :).
Post # 5
Mango817: My husband and I moved in together after we got engaged. Honestly, we totally had a flawless transition – no arguments or fights or anything. He had to get used to me being a bit messy and I had to get used to him being a cleaning nazi and getting annoyed when I didn’t pick up my clothes! Sure, its different living together, but it’s not always a bad thing nor does it always cause issues. We’ve had a totally fine time with it and now we are into a routine – I mostly take care of the dog, make dinner, make lunches, pick up dry cleaning – he does most of the cleaning and taking out the trash.
Post # 6
For us, it was super easy! But we had all the naysayers too. We actually bought a house together before we were engaged (we closed on our one year dating anniversary, but then again, he was over 30 and I was in my mid-20s so it wasn’t like we were super young). Whenever I told anyone what we were doing, they acted like I had just said I was going to murder a baby. People just couldn’t wrap their heads around it and everyone told me it was a bad idea. Well, two years later we’re engaged and our house has appreciated by at least $50k in a market where we knew we’d end up. The moral of the story is that only you know what your relationship is like, and other people love to be armchair critics but how can they really know what’s best for you? If ya’ll have similar living habits and lifestyles (and if you already spend a lot of time together, which I’m assuming is the case), it will be easy as pie. Push those other people out of your head!
Post # 7
Mango817: Moving in together is so exciting and terrifying. I found that it made my FI and I more of a team. We had adjustments we needed to make to cooperate in the same space together, and you work with the other to make the best situation. Honestly, living together is the best! You get to see each other every day, the space you live in is your own, and it is a huge difference, but a good difference in the dynamic of your relationship.
Post # 8
Hopefully your friends and family just think they are joking and being funny. Moving in together can be a little tough. But just because there are kinks to work out, not b/c you will get sick of each other. Balance of chores, finances, TV, how you spend your time. Just be open minded, pick your battles, don’t nit pick.
Post # 9
Thanks for your responses. I guess my real fear isnt fighting about the small things or chores, we’re both extremely laid back. And yes, we are both living with our parents. But i come from a large family and always helped wih chores and cooking, so even if worst case scenario i did end up doing everything, a two person household should be easier to cook and clean for than 8 people. We never really fought about buying the house or wedding planning. We bickered here and there but always kept the bigger picture in mind.
But my real concern is that he’ll grow tired of me or vice versa. We spend a lot of time together. We cant get enough of eachother right now and i can still honestly say that i get really excited knowing ill see him. But it seems like all of our friends who are married are always looking for opportunities to get away frome eachother and have girls or guys nights out. I never understood that concept, since i have way more fun with my fiance than i do with a group of girls. My fiance tells me hed prefer hanging out with me than be in a group of guys without me there and i believe him. But i get depressed thinking that time or being under the same roof will make us feel numb or indifferent toward eachother.
Post # 10
Mango817: You will have your moments of bickering. If you have never lived together before, it is just like having a roommate, you find those little things that irritate you and sometimes it does turn into petty fights, but in no way does it ruin everything and make you hate each other. I feel that living with my FI has only made our relationship stronger.
We moved in together after college and lived together for 3 years before he proposed. The first year was finding out about each others habits. Yes we would stay over each other’s places prior to, but living together you just see more things that you two would not normally worry about. You learn to live with it, to work it out, to talk about it and learn to love one another no matter what.
Please enjoy the wedding and be excited to move in. It is an amazing experience and it really does make your relationship that much stronger.
Post # 11
I moved in with my boyfriend after dating him for 2 months.. this past weekend marked one year of living together and it has been amazing!!! Girl, you get to LIVE with your best friend!!! how awesome is that!? Sure you’ll bicker and get sick of each other, but that’s when learn you to communicate better and give each other space. Don’t let negative people get to you. Enjoy this time and be excited about spending your life with your man.
Post # 12
Thank you!!! I really needed to hear something positive
Post # 13
Mango817: I think your worries are true for many couples, but not all. DH and I were together for 3-4 yrs before we moved in together- and both of us moved from across the country as well. We lived together for 5yrs before we got married & have been married a little over a year now. Really, we both still love every minute of it. We don’t really want to go hanging out alone, we’re besties so its just more fun when we are together. That’s not true for everyone though, some ppl need their alone time and that’s ok too… It probably helps that most of our friends are mutual friends so there are few if any ppl either of us know/hang out with that the other doesnt also know & want to hang out with…
Just keep an open mind, be aware that things will get on each others nerves but don’t just let it fester. Talk about it and work through it and you’ll both be stronger for it!
Post # 14
We are in our mid to late 40s. We have lived together since the first week, 6 years ago (yes sorry that sounds bad) but when you get a bit older you just know more of what you don’t want, than when you are younger and looking for what you WANT.
6 years later..and everyday I go to work, I can’t wait to go home to be with him. Everytime I want to tell someone something exciting (to me)..it is him I want to tell. When I want to go experience something..it is him I want to experience it with.
My opinion is that those people who are negative and who need to get out and have a night with the girls are not getting that social/intimacy from their man, so they are going to get it from their girls. But you sound like he fulfills all your needs and if that is the case…you have nothing to worry about.
Post # 15
Mango817: My FI and I have been living together for going on 3 years now (and will be married in 3 days!) and I can honestly say we are not tired of eachother yet. Now it hasn’t been 20 years or anything but I do enjoy some alone time (I always have) but usually when I finally get my alone time I spend most of the time wishing my FI was with me. We prefer to go out with our friends as couples, which we do most of the time. Don’t let them project their unhappiness on you. You have a lot to look forward to!