Post # 1
I’ve been thinking lately about whether my Dad deserves to give me away.
My parents split when I was about 10 years old. He then chose to live in Wales to be with his girlfriend/mistress when he could have lived in England with his parents so he was closer to my brothers and I.
Since they divorced I have probably seen him less than 45 times in 7 years, he claims he works all the time and when he does come he comes at inconveiniant times despite us telling him when it’s best. When he does come all we do is wonder around town then go back to my nans and watch tv, usually F1 or football which is so boring to me and my brothers.
The last time he came, I was staying with my boyfriend, he didn’t even bother to contact me. He told no one he was coming until the day before and he lied to my brother about contacting me. Finally after 4 days of being down he rang me and he didn’t even seem sorry that he missed me.
Even before he left he never paid attention to me, all I remember was him playing with my brothers while I sat alone in my room and my mother was left to do all the housework.
Recently I’ve been wondering whether he deserves to give me away, he has been a poor father to me and a crappy husband to my Mum. The only person that deserves to in my Mum, she is always there for me, has taught me all I know, I just wish that I could have spent more time with her as a child, something we couldn’t do as my father was too selfish to help.
And then what would I say to him? I hate upsetting people and I can see him guilt-tripping me into doing it because his whole family is like that.
Post # 3
Thisis tough, my father is not apart of mylife eithier. Althoug we have no contact with him what so ever.
He simply wasnt invited. This did cause some tenssion, from reletives. Two member of my family did not come simply because he wasn’t invited. This may not be a options as he still is in contact with your family. (My fateher does not have contact with any of his family)
To me you have to be a father it is not just a title it is a job. You can simply just say I do not feel right honoring in this way but you would be delighted to have you sit…
In the end it is your choice so do what feels right to you
Post # 4
Only you can decide whether he deserves to walk you down the aisle. If it doesn’t feel right to you, don’t have him do it.
My dad was a lousy husband to my mother, and I really think that he wasn’t as attentive a father as he could have been when I was growing up. I moved out of the family home nearly ten years ago. I’m nobody’s to give away–I’m walking to the alter by myself.
Post # 5
Yikes this is a tough situation! Have you thought about discussing it with your mom to see what she thinks? What about his family, are you close with them? If you aren’t I don’t see why you should feel pressured to do so.
In the end it’s YOUR day and every element should reflect what matters most to you and your husband. Good luck darling, I’m learning that there are so many little details that end up meaning a whole lot more when it’s actually your turn. I’ve had plenty of my own dilemma’s along the way and it’s only been a month of planning! Thankfully my fiance has been really supportive and helped me decide the best avenue to take with each problematic thing regarding my family issues.
Post # 6
@strawbabies: I didn’t know you could walk alone, definately an option to consider, thanks.
Post # 7
The question is not “Does my father deserve to walk me down the aisle?”
The question is “Do I want my father to walk me down the aisle?” Only you can decide that.
If he walks you down the aisle;, he doesn’t have to “give you away”. You can skip that part of the ceremony, or both your parents can say “We do”.
You can walk with your Dad, your Mom, both of them, or neither of them.
You can also walk halfway down the aisle by yourself and your Fiance can walk up to escort you the rest of the way.
Post # 8
I have similiar circumstances with my father. I feel that my father gave me away when I was 22months old.
Post # 9
I told my Mum quite recently and she was shocked at what I said, though she’s told me before she just wants to be seen as the Mother of the Bride, so the idea of walking down alone appeals to me.
I’m not close to my Dad’s family at all, we see them about 4 times a year- whenever my Dad comes. I know I am the least favourite Granchild in their eyes, the older ones and the one in the army are the most important to them. I have no problem not inviting any of them. The problem is my eldest brother has pushed to become a favourite grandchild (thats seems the only way for me and my brothers to be seen) and they might make it awkward for him or me because I probably wouldn’t invite them.
The thing is that family has a thing for blackmail, my nan blackmailed my Dad into having his brother as his best man otherwise she wouldn’t go. I feel that if I don’t ask him to walk me down then he won’t come, which would be a shame. I don’t want to stop him from coming, but I don’t think it’s right that he should give me away.
Post # 10
I know exactly how you feel. Honestly, your wedding day is suppose to be one of the happiest days of your life, but thinking about who will walk you down the aisle puts a damper. Tradition says that your father should give you away because he’s your protector and provider. It seems like your mom is the person for the job. A simple invitation to your dad would be suffice.
Post # 11
My father was never really in my life. He is actually not even getting an invite. And I am walking down half of the isle by myself and my mother is giving me away. She pretty much raised me alone.
In your situation, I would invite your dad, and tell him that he is NOT walking you down the isle. Stay firm and put your foot down. If he is upset, then say that he has upset you. Have your mother walk you down the isle. It seems to be the right thing. This day isnt about pleasing your father, and if he is mad enough to not come or be a jerk, then he isnt worth your time worrying!!
Post # 12
@Andilou: If you dont feel comfortable with your dad walking u down the aisle then don’t let him. Your mum could instead. My dad hasnt been a part of my life for 15 years he sends a birthday card each year with a $5 lotto ticket and i might get a call on my birthday but not every year.. i cant remember how long ago it was that i last saw him but my mum went and called him telling him i was engaged so now i have to invite him. I have a great step dad who i want to give me away so its going to be hard with my dad there. I dont want my dad to insist that he does it because he hasnt been in my life since i was 12 yet at my sister’s 21st party he was invited and he ended up insisting that he get up and give a speech so i dont know what to do. I just feel like il send him an invite but thats it i dont want to talk to him and tell him hes not going to be involved in the wedding because he is like a stranger to me..i would feel weird talking to him and bad for being in that position.. i wish my mum hadnt said anything in the first place..
Post # 13
i am going through a similar thing at the minute and reading the posts from your guys has made me feel better knowing that i am not the only one in this situation!
im inviting my dad, but hes not walking me down the ailse. i think i will ask my brother to as he has been the only constant in my life apart from my grandfather, who i would love to walk me down the ailse but he died 7 years ago and im struggling with not wanting to replace him etc at the min.
i am also not sure on how to do the table plans, because i dont really want him sat on the top table with me, but my partner mentioned about how it may look strange to thw other guests at the wedding, which i hadnt really entered my mind. it doesnt bother me that anyone else would find it strange, but i dont know how i would react if i were to be asked on my wedding day why my dad wasnt included in the day?
have any of you girls thought about that?