Post # 1
ok….so me and my fiance have been together about 8 years. we live in our own home, have a beautiful baby. last november i announced that it is about time that we tie the knot. she and my dad have been married 35 years. however, it seems like if i even get close to mentioning my wedding or asking for ideas, she just kinda says “oh…i dont know/care” nothin else really. she has no interest in anything. she made a lame excuse when i wanted her to come with me to pick my dress. seems like the only thing she cares about is whats gonna be to eat and the cake. i am pretty much paying for everything myself so i dont see why she would be like this.
i have no problem talking to my future mother in law about ideas, decorations, yada yada yada (which i know my mother likes to decorate) but she doesnt want to be a part of it. she just says, “oh me and your dad just got married at the court house, we didnt have no big wedding or anything like that” (mine isn’t big at all. probably costing me no more than $1500 for everything). small outdoor wedding.
when she comes over to see her grand-baby, i hear criticism about everything. how i take care of her, how my house looks, how my baby looks and so forth. and i just had my baby last august so i still have a little baby tummy and she just keeps saying ”yeah you still have a few more pds left to lose huh before the wedding” and she has no room to talk whatsoever.
i never hear anything nice personally and nothing as far as anything wedding related. has anyone had a situation like this. it is driving me nuts and i dont know what to say without yelling at her because that is how i am….short fused..
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards
Is this a personality shift or has she been like this for most of your life?
I’ve said it many times before, but society seems to make us think that our mothers will change or our relationships with them will change because of wedding planning. That isn’t always the case.
Are you expecting your mother to be someone who she isn’t? I know I did when I started planning.
This might help… http://www.weddingbee.com/2012/01/30/including-mother-weddding-planning/
Post # 4
My Mom and I don’t have the best relationship either. She’s very critical and often hypocritical. If your relationship with your Mom is a struggle to begin with and sharing wedding details with her isn’t bringing you closer, I’d just stop sharing details and start distancing myself altogether. Don’t bring it up. And if she’s carrying this sort of behavior over to your child rearing, I’d start with a simple, “Mom, your criticisms aren’t helpful or supportive. If you can’t learn to curb it, I’m going to have to curb how much access you have to me and the baby. You being around is a hinderance instead of a help, and until that changes I’m too stressed out and busy to deal with it. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
Good luck, and have a wonderful wedding!
Post # 5
@mink: no i just want her to be happy for me. she has been like this for along time just seems worse over the past couple years. she knows i value her opnion a lot but she dont care to give it
Post # 6
@VintageDivine: thx so much. its one thing to criticize me but not how i raise my child. i am home by myself 90% of the time being that my fiance is a trucker. she needs attention constantly, and have a house to take care of. i cant be perfect all the time. i am glad someone understands thx for the advice
Post # 7
My mother just says “oh that’s pretty. Or that’s fine” my fiancé is also a trucker and she doesn’t support the lifestyle. Doesn’t care howfinancially stable we aRe. Let her come to you. Don’t force yourself onto her. Do what is going to make you happy and hopefully one day she realizes that she hurt you by not giving her input whenyou wanted it the most.