Post # 1
So my mother is under the impression that if you have a sister, she should automatically be your Maid/Matron of Honor. My sister is 9 years older than me and our relationship is… cool at best. Her nine year old recently told me “Mommy says you’re kind of a child!” I’m 22 and will be 24 when married.To be fair, I WAS techinically her Maid of Honor but because I was 16 at the time, it was in name only. I didn’t have any duties other than to show up on the day.
My question is this: now that’s my turn, should she be my MOH? Am I obligated?
Mom would be pleased. I love and idolize my mother and her approval is important to me.
She’s close by. Most of my other friends live out of town.
How awkward! We don’t really get along in NORMAL circumstances, let alone while wedding planning!
I have a best friend about three hours away who has stuck by me through thick and thin. I want HER to by my Maid/Matron of Honor.
Help me, bees, you’re my only hope!
Post # 3
It’s not a requirement. If you want to make your Mom happy, you should talk to her about your reasons for not wanting your sister to do it.
You shouldn’t pick someone just because they’re close. Honestly, bridesmaids and maids of honor shouldn’t be expected to help with planning the wedding, so that shouldn’t be your main consideration. Choose your friend if she’s the closest person to you, and she’s who you want standing with you.
Post # 4
Pick your best friend.
I have 2 sisters and my I was pretty much forced by my mother and aunts to make my older sister be my Maid/Matron of Honor. My younger sister and I are only a year and a half apart and she is my best friend and I would have chosen her.
My older sister and I don’t get along at all, we never have and she made sure to make the days leaading up to my wedding a living hell.
Just remember, this is your day and you only get one (hopefully) so don’t do anything you have to do. I understand the mother thing, ultimately I think that’s why I gave in. But maybe you should sit her down and discuss the pros and cons with her and tell ehr what you feel. It could go a long way!
Post # 5
Pick whomever will make YOU happy, it’s not your mom’s wedding it’s yours. You can still have your sister as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 6
I didnt’ make my sister Maid/Matron of Honor, in fact she’s the last bridesmaid, and we are only 13 months apart and grew up together and still talk every day. But, my best friend and I are super close, my best friend has been supportive of me when my sister hasn’t, and even though my best friend lives an hour away and has two little boys who keep her busy, I wanted her right next to me on my wedding day.
Thankfully, my sister hates weddings and my mom didn’t care either way…so we didn’t have hurt feelings.
Does your sister want to be your MOH?? If my sister had wanted to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, I may have had a harder decision.
Post # 7
@kimberlyr22: Wow, I feel like a jerk. I have no idea what she wants. I imagine she’d want to be involved, but perhaps in a lesser capacity. She has four kids who will also be in the wedding party, after all.
Post # 8
have you considered making both MOH’s – they would be co-MOH’s, you make your mom happy, and still have the person asside you that you want.
I never even declaired my Maid/Matron of Honor, I have my sister and friend as bridesmaids, both of which I value in different ways. I think I’ll have my sis stand next to me but I felt like making one Maid/Matron of Honor over the other was like favoring one over the other. I couldn’t do it!
Post # 9
You can have who you like as your Maid/Matron of Honor. I am having my best friend not my sister, in fact I am not having my sister in the bridal party at all but rather her daughter.
Like another PP said you should at least talk to her and see what her thoughts about it are – she may not wish to as she is older and would prefer that you just include her children. IF she does expect to be in the bridal party then you could have both a:
Maid of Honor = an unmarried woman
Matron of Honor = an already Married woman
Post # 10
@auggiefrog: I would do two MOHs.
Post # 11
@Angkinah: Oh this is even better. Maid and matron of honor! Problem solved.
Post # 12
I always think it must be hurtful when a bride does not choose her sister as a Maid/Matron of Honor unless there is serious bad blood there. My mother feels the same way you do. My sister and I have a good relationship, but are not close, and she is my Maid/Matron of Honor. MY Fiance did not choose his brother as his Best man but they really don’t have a relationship at all and he lives on the other side of the country. I do think it’s different with guys, though.
Post # 13
Yes at what @armychica06: said! Doing a maid of honor and a matron of honor would solve all your problems!
Post # 14
I second the matron suggestion. Then she has a title, but you can still also choose the maid of honor you want.
Post # 15
Hmmm, that could work but my BFF will also be married at that time. I’ll have to talk to my sister and see. I just have to tread lightly around her feelings.
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I selected “No, it’s your wedding and you can do what you want” before I even read your post.
You can also have two matrons of honor- I only had two attendants, and did that, vs picking one.