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Does she get another chance?

posted 1 year ago in Beehive
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    1.
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    Bumble bee
    GirlWithARing    September 5, 2010   Living in NYC, marrying in Philadelphia

    DH had a civil ceremony at our wedding 6 months ago, and we are currently planning a much smaller Catholic convalidation (basically parents, witnesses, and us at a church and going out to dinner after). Our wedding was beautiful except for one thing - FMIL was unhappy with some elements of the ceremony and spent the entire reception pouting and ignoring both of us. We mostly didn't let it bother us, but at one point DH broke down crying and it was just a lot of unnecessary negativity on an otherwise perfect day. 

    After the wedding, she admitted her behavior was wrong and apologized. She has a history of inappropriate behavior towards us (and specifically towards me), and this time I really didn't want to forgive her. Acting bitchy towards us is one thing, but not to be able to put that aside on your only child's wedding day is just ridiculous IMHO. It shouldn't be that hard to realize it's not all about you and be nice for one evening! But we forgave her and moved on with our lives.

    Now that our religious ceremony is looming, I see potential for more drama. DH is Jewish so she's not at all happy that we're doing a Catholic ceremony in the first place. She is questioning our decision, demanding that we choose a day around her schedule, etc. I am really worried that she's going to ruin the day - with 100 people at our wedding, her attitude was a minor annoyance, but at this much smaller event, it could really make things awkward and unpleasant for my parents and us. 

    DH said that it's very important for him that she attend because this Catholic ceremony is difficult for him emotionally and he would like her there (I completely understand). He agreed to talk to her and ask her to play nice. But I know from experience (our wedding, our rehearsal dinner, and others) that she can go into situation prepared to act nice but then easily get upset by something and start pouting. 

    Is there anything we can do besides inviting her and hoping for the best? 

     
    2.
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    Busy bee
    Firefighter_Bride    August 13, 2011   British Columbia

    Honestly if it gets too it, I would say "It's our wedding so back off! And if you don't like it, don't bother comming!" .... I know that sounds harsh but seriously, look at all the BS she put you two through, to the point of your hubby crying! I think it would awesome if she could be there for his sake but make sure she knows whos boss here and that "your say, you way". I'm sure she'll still come (after all if she didn't that would prove how horrible she is) and hopefully she'll use that as an eye opener. FI's mom is just like that so I'm expecting the same issues.

     
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    Busy bee
    sonj818    October 29, 2011   NorCal

    Can you have someone run interference? I know its a really small group, but maybe you could have her invite a guest (her husband? a sister?) that could keep her in check and remind her why she's there.

     
    4.
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    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    KatyElle      

    "DH said that it's very important for him that she attend because this Catholic ceremony is difficult for him emotionally"

    Wait, I'm not understanding this. Why are both faiths not being represented here? Is she emotional because having a non Jewish service has been hard on her son?

    Just want to make sure I'm getting this.

     

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