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Does the BRIDE have any say in her BRIDAL shower?

posted 1 year ago in Parties
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    Hollymarieee    September 1, 2012  

    I have a theme I want for my bridal shower, but with that, I have also found the centerpieces and favors I want soooooo bad!

    Do I have a say in the things I want at MY bridal shower? (some people seem to think I dont) OR do I just let my leading ladies do it all and be surprised?

     
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    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    I don't think you should dictate the centerpieces or favors.  That said:  IF the hosts ask for your input, there's nothing wrong with giving it - but you should NOT demand for things, etc.

    If they don't ask for your input, then just be surprised with what they come up with.

     
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    Ms Mini    July 17, 2010   Medicine Hat, AB

    I say that no, you don't have a say in your bridal shower. Stop looking at the decor, because it is rude to spend other peoples' (ie the hosts) money. You need to concentrate on what you can control (ie wedding, and rehearsal dinner if you yourself are planning it) and leave the shower to the hosts. 

     
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    PurpleUnicorn    April 19, 2011  

    i bought the favors for my shower myself and gave them to everyone to thank them for coming to my bridal shower!  The people who threw my shower dictated food, decorations, games, and invites! (i provided the invitee list of course). 

     
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    AmeliaBedelia    March 3, 2012   Georgia

    I think there's a happy medium in there somewhere between 'no say' and 'be surprised.' My MOH got the guest list from me and asked me what types of things I would prefer. I could have told her a color theme or something if I'd had a preference like "Maybe something summery - like pinks and yellows" or something.

    But no, I don't think you can say you have a hard theme, complete with certain decor, that you want them to do. Helpful hints are a good thing sometimes if they don't really know what you want. Of course it's up to them in the end and you don't want to be irritating, but you can mention things in casual conversation.

     
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    ohheavenlyday    August 20, 2011   Savannah, Georgia

    Let your friends or whoever is hosting handle all the details like this. Your chance to pick out decor and centerpieces is your wedding. 

     
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    tntrav44    June 30, 2012   Pittsburgh

    If you're paying for them, then yes.  But I think to just say to your girls, "I want these centerpieces" and expect them to pay for them isn't quite the right way to go.  

     
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    baletrina    May 27, 2012   Chicago, Illinois

    I agree that you should not have any input into your shower.  You are planning a party ten times bigger - your wedding!  Let your MOH and BMs do what they want as this is their moment to play hostess.

     
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    kingytobe    June 26, 2011  

    I had ideas too but I left it to the hosts.. if they're nice enough to go through the work of planning a shower, let them take artistic control over it.. but like others have said, if they ask for help you can absolutely share your ideas!

     
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    Georgia Bee    October 9, 2010   Atlanta

    You aren't hosting so you don't have a say.  However, I do like PurpleUnicorn's idea about the favors!

    My sister did ask me and I said to have it at our favorite Chinese restaurant.  It turned out to be a great theme!

     
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    Wonderstruck    September 18, 2011   Detroit, MI

    Sorry, but absolutely not! They are hosting the party and unless they ask, you don't get to tell them what kind of party to throw or what to spend their money on. The only part you should definitely have a say over is the guestlist. When it comes to centerpieces and stuff, you just need to worry about ones for your wedding.

     
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    cr6zy    September 10, 2011   phoenix

    i have every opinion in my shower cus im throwing it. my FMIL told me i dont have freinds so i dont get a shower so im throwing my own shower and inviting all my friends that i do have...and no they arent invisible lol

     
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    Wonderstruck    September 18, 2011   Detroit, MI

    @cr6zy: Not really a great idea though, frowned upon because you're basically asking people to come give you gifts. Do you have any BMs for your wedding?

     
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    Ree723    July 9, 2011   Australia

    I'm with everyone else here - I don't think you can have a say.   And even if it's completely the opposite of everything you've ever wanted, I think you need to be gracious and express your gratitude and appreciation for it all.    My shower is coming up in a few weeks and I've had the organizer emailing me asking for my favorite foods/cake flavors/flowers/music etc.   I haven't felt comfortable telling her what I wanted so I've just left it to their discretion.   I'm just so happy and touched that they're throwing me a shower, I really am not fussed about the details.   

    Maybe you'll be able to host a shower for a friend/family member someday and can use the things you love for their shower?   Just a thought....

     
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    cr6zy    September 10, 2011   phoenix

    @Wonderstruck: ya but they are both out of state and in the military so they cant just get up and go. my other bridesmaid is my 8 year old step daughter. i had one friend say she would do it then told me to come up with the ideas and buy all the stuff and she would take credit. 

     
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    Wonderstruck    September 18, 2011   Detroit, MI

    @cr6zy: Oh that sounds good then lol. Sorry about the military ones, I have some out of state but nothing like that, must be tough!

     
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    cr6zy    September 10, 2011   phoenix

    @Wonderstruck: ya they managed to get off for the wedding but any other festivities are a no go. they will be here right before rehersal and leave right after the going away breakfast :-(

     
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    tntrav44    June 30, 2012   Pittsburgh

    @cr6zy:  Jeez.  Your FMIL sounds like she's a little...blunt. 

     
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    iheartnerds    October 9, 2011   Massachusetts

    I'll be letting my girls come up with their own ideas for favors, theme, decorations but I have given them input on things I'm really adament about (jack & jill shower, no games that *I* have to play)

    Ok, I did maybe mention a theme to my mom with the idea that she could pass it on to my BM's as if it were her own idea... Embarassed

     
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    artbee    February 28, 2010  

    I don't think there's anything wrong with hinting something, or telling them if they ask for your input. But I wouldn't flat out say "this is what I want."

    I had an idea of what I would have wanted for my shower, and the shower I got wasn't what I had in mind. But it was still beautiful (probably better then what I would have done), and very me. I think you just have to trust your girls or family to do a good job!

     
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    houstonlawbride    October 1, 2011  

    I am having a bridal shower this weekend, and I don't know any of the details! All I did was provide the guest list and offer to help in any way possible. They've said they just need me to show up and be ready to drink champagne, so I'm happy!  ;)

     
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    mzlouis2b    November 3, 2012   Live in Brooklyn, wedding in MI

    If they ask what you like you can give ideas, but i agree that unless you are paying you should leave it up to the host. That being said, if you hate the sight of pink or if you dont eat seafood, you should give the host that kind of info.

     
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    kala_way    May 28, 2011   Manhattan Beach, CA

    I think you have a small amount of say.

    Basically a "I definitely don't want X and Y" but picking out specific decor and stuff is a bit iffy unless your BM's ask you.

    I said I don't want stupid games and I don't want a cake covered in flowers. That was pretty much my only say in it after the place and date and people were determined.

     
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    Emilylhenderson    September 10, 2011   wedding in NY living in PA

    I personally don't want a say. My girls have been asking me about details down to plate colors! I'm overwhelmed as it is planning a wedding, I don't need the stress of planning my shower as well.

     
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    Hollymarieee    September 1, 2012  

    Thank You all for your responses!

    It's definitely not that I have been pushy, I've just seen things that I love.

    I know my gals will do a fabulous job for my shower!

     
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    Magsalot    September 3, 2011   Miami,FL

    I think it depends on the relationship you have with whom ever is throwing your shower. My BMs and MOH asked me for my input. Like the theme i wanted. if there was anything in particular i liked, if i like the invitation.

    Essentially I think that if they like to have your input go for it. if not, trust them that i'm sure that they will do an amazing job. :)

     
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    ceamoste    September 3, 2011  

    I wish as brides we had a say - it has been so difficult for me to give them control, but I know that my bridesmaids are just as excited for the wedding as I am, and this is their chance to plan something.

     
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    tinlizzleizzle    September 24, 2011   Washington, DC

    I didn't get a say, my sister took over all the planning. I'm a bit excited to see how it turns out, she rented a pavilion at a park with PADDLE BOATS! All I did was give a guest list and an offer to help, which was declined.

     
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    2bMrsG    October 13, 2011   Pittsburgh, PA (Las Vegas Wedding)

    I think it's fine to suggest things for the shower that you like if you have ideas (that is what I did and fortunately for me my friend throwing the shower is listening), but the people who are throwing the shower are the ones who make final decisions.

     
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    OneLove04210    September 4, 2011   Rochester MN

    The hosts of mine were trying to coordinate with the wedding theme... I kindly asked them to do something else, so as not to take the thunder from the wedding.  But that's the only input I've had. 

     
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    bmorebride11    November 5, 2011   Maryland

    I think that there is something fun about NOT knowing any of the details. Kind of a testimonial of how well your hosts know you. :) My shower is at the end of July and the only thing I had a role in was creating the guest list since there are a few friends that I wanted to make sure were invitefd.

    You're at the helm of the wedding; sit back and relax!

     
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    Lorelei       Southern USA

    If there is something you are DYING to do/have and a very close friend is helping with the shower, you can drop the hint, but don't ask for or otherwise demand.  :-)

    I have found that most hostesses WANT you to love what they are doing for you and would not be opposed to a subtle hint.

    Other than that...your only say is to say thank you.  Wink

     
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    Jacqui90    May 14, 2016   Brisbane

    @Ree723:  but then wouldn't that be selfish, picking things that you wanted when you are throwing a shower for someone else? wouldn't it be better to pick what they like?

     

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