- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
I have a friend I’ve known since college. She considers us to be “best friends”. We are part of a group of friends that, historically, has been chronically single.
When I started dating my Fiance 5 years ago, this friend had a very hard time adjusting to the fact that I wasn’t at her beck and call. She would guilt trip me when I declined to go out with her because I wanted to spend time with Fiance. She was very upset that I didn’t make it a priority to have her and Fiance “become friends”.
Fiance is introverted and would rather spend a night at home watching movies than go to the bar with a bunch of single girls (my group of friends). He’s met my friends a few times and I thought that was sufficient and dropped the subject.
I have designated days which I spend with Fiance and the rest of the time I am open to spending time with my friends.
When I told my friend that I was engaged, the first thing out of her mouth was, “not to make this all about me but …”, then she proceeded to tell me why it was weird that I was getting engaged to someone she didn’t know.
She later confronted me about how hurt she is about the whole situation and feels like I’ve been a horrible friend to her the entire time Fiance and I have been together because I don’t spend enough time with her and she hasn’t become bffs with Fiance.
She still hasn’t congratulated me and keeps reiterating how “worried” she is about me.
I’m a very private person, I don’t gush about Fiance in front of my single friends and I don’t complain about him either. I know my friends and how they eventually end up hating any boyfriend anyone in the group has. (hence them being chronically single)
This friend loves to be the center of attention and is the ringleader of the group. She loves to gossip and always says her friends are “the most important people” in her life. She views them like family members, and with that comes a huge expectation of being loyal. This loyalty is expected to be to her first and foremost, boyfriends are always second in her mind.
I’m having a hard time keeping her in her place. She interacts with me in such an emotionally intense way that I feel like she thinks that her and I are dating. It’s as if she feels like I am cheating on her by being with Fiance.
I’m not nearly as attached to her as she claims to be to me. I wish her the best and hope she is happy, but I don’t need her the way she says she needs me.
Any advice on how to handle this friend? I’m very stressed trying to juggle her neediness and desire to be involved in my relationship with my Fiance and getting this wedding finalized.