Post # 1
Maybe it’s a generational thing… maybe it is how they were raised.. I don’t know. I personally was raised to be polite and not waste people’s time. It seems, however that my cousins are the opposite.. two in particular.
Cousin A: Male, age 19.
He and his gf were invited to a bbq at me and FH’s house. the day before I texted to see if we were still on. No reply.
I facebook messaged the GF to see if they needed directions. No reply.
The day of, I called both to check we were still on and times… No reply.
At this point I was really worried and thought maybe something had happend until I heard from my other cousin (this one’s sister) that he was just hanging out with his Gf. RUDE.
I sent them both a msg saying I would have appreciated the notice because we had a lot to do.. a week later, I got a reply from the girlfriend apologizing. she said my cousin would call me that day. I have STILL not heard from him.
This was a month ago.
I’m upset because it was one of my closer cousins too and we haven’t spoken since because everytime I msg him (even just a hey whats up) he doesn’t reply.
To my knowledge- nothing happend to cause this behaviour.
Cousin B: Female, age 19.
We are having a strolling table for our cocktail hour (http://www.google.ca/imgres?q=strolling+table&um=1&hl=en&sa=N&biw=1280&bih=817&tbm=isch&tbnid=IWTFYUdLnwA9TM:&imgrefurl=http://www.strollingtable.com/gallery.htm&docid=DYah8fjjtq7jOM&imgurl=http://www.strollingtable.com/images/strolling_table_Asian.jpg&w=380&h=285&ei=LWYiUIyVDuLd6wGh-ICQAQ&zoom=1 if you aren’t sure what it is). With an Alice in Wonderland Theme wedding- she’ll be dressed as Queen of Hearts.
My cousin, upon hearing of the AIW theme.. was ALL FOR dressing up, so when we decided to do the strolling table, I thought of her first.
3 days ago, I asked her if she would be interested. She said she’d text me after work. 9pm rolled around, I bbm’ed her to see what was up.. she read it- didn’t reply. She was online on fb, so I msg’d her and again, read with no reply.
I sent her another few msgs that were read and not replied to over the last couple days until this morning I just said “look if it’s a no- please stop stringing me along so I can find somebody else, or at least just reply and say “sorry really busy i’m NOT ignoring you”….
again this message was read and not replied to. So I pointed out that hey.. you know on BBM it shows when you read the message right?
That got her attention. finally she was all.. ok i’ll text you after work.
I kind of had a bridezilla moment.. and was like WELL THATS WHAT YOU SAID THREE DAYS AGO AND YOUVE BEEN IGNORING ME EVER SINCE.
she goes.. “k well I’ll try my best to text you after work then”
I’m like.. if you can say all this but aren’t giving me an answer- clearly you aren’t too interested… w hich is FINE, I just would like to know rather than you dragging this out?
I KNOW I am probably overreacting a bit. but she has a history of being like this (she’s really spoiled and self-centered and thinks the world revolves around her) I need to book the table soon, but can’t do it without knowing if I have somebody to be the queen of hearts.. because if I don’t then I need to hire someone and I’m not sure that’s in the budget.
Why are people so inconsiderate sometimes? If she could text all that “i’ll ttyl” why is a simple YES OR NO so difficult?!
Post # 3
Perhaps she’s busy? Maybe she needs to check her schedule at work or something? I would rather have someone putting it off for a few days than say “yes” and have her cancel a week before the wedding. Maybe you need to call them instead of text messaging (and give her a date by which she needs to have a reply).
I can understand your frusteration, but if she has a history of being selfish, spoiled, and self centered why would you want to rely on her to participate in your wedding? Just because she offered and got excited? I’d find someone else or hire someone.
Good luck. You have a cool idea going.
Post # 4
Its a generational thing. That generation, for the most part, have been caudled all their lives and have a overblown sense of entitlement. Good luck communicating with them. Like the PP said, maybe its time to actually call. Maybe give your cousin a deadline to give you a response or you will just choose someone else?
Post # 5
I’ve learned not to trust anyone under the age of 22 (<- arbitrary number) lol I would give yourself a back-up plan in case these guys don’t show up.
Post # 6
@megz06: It’s because we were closer when we were younger, and I keep hoping she’s matured and I wanted her to be a part of it.. also I was trying not to be a b*tch and involve her brother but not her… I especially thought that since she had ASKED to dress up for the theme it would be perfect and kinda kill two birds with one tone.
I’ll be calling her tonight, for sure.
@babeandbabe: It’s too bad, really. I’m only 4 years older… and don’t think I’m like that. I at least have common courtesy common sense! I’ll call her tonight. for sure.
Post # 7
@mnp: phewf. I just made that cutoff… 24 this month!
Yeah, I’m thinking of scrapping them all together. we shall see!
Post # 8
Let us know how it goes… 🙂
Post # 9
@mayflowerbride13: lol I think most of them need to pass their partying ways or graduate college or have a full-time job. My baby sister is 23 yrs old. And, she has spurts of irresponsibility. She’ll go out until 3 am and then, forget she had things to do with me the next day. Grr… // Good luck! I know how you want to include them but sometimes you have to do what’s necessary and just let them be guests.
Post # 10
@mnp: Here’s the REALLY sad thing, Emotionally she’s really mature. she just spent a year doing mission work at an orphanage in Tanzania…
I think she just lacks common sense/courtesy 🙁
Post # 11
@mayflowerbride13: I don’t get why people are rude like this. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine… especially when you KNOW the person is glued to their phone. How long does it take to return a text message?!
I don’t know how people are raised these days!
Then again, you get the a-holes who take forever to reply to emails (or just ignore them) who are a variety of ages. *ARRRRRGH!!!!*
Post # 12
@canarydiamond: yep. definitely a pet peeve. I think that’s why I’m so upset, I know I’m likely blowing it out of proportion… but this kind of thing just really rubs me the wrong way! Mind you, I’m sure I do a tonne of things that rub others the wrong way as well… BUT HEY, if someone were ot talk to me about it… I’d for sure check myself. 🙁 I’ve already talked to her about her lack of common courtesy… it clearly did not do any good 🙁
Post # 13
Well, I think you’re way over reacting. I don’t think they are being immature, I think you are being a tad impatient. Just because there is the capibility to get in touch with someone instantly doesn’t mean you are entitled to and will get that instant contact. Honestly, if I were one of your cousins I’d be super annoyed with you. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you when I have time. Sometimes, it might take me a few days. Just because I can read your text doesn’t mean I have time to answer it right away nor does it mean I have an aswer. If you need an answer by a certain time, you need to let people know. All you have to say is “Hey, I need an answer by Thursday. If I don’t hear from you I’ll assume you can’t make it.” Maybe Cousin B was trying to figure out her plans to see if she could attend. I don’t think not having an answer for 3 days is stringing you along…
Now, if Cousin A just didn’t come, that’s another story and another situation and I would be annoyed to. But he said he’d come, did come, and just didn’t confirm when you wanted, I’d just let it go. Maybe he didn’t get your text right away or was busy when you called. Sometimes my phone is in the other room and I miss calls and texts and don’t see them until the next day. Same with FB.
Post # 14
@mayflowerbride13: I find that if people are interested in doing something, they’ll usually respond right away. If they’re not, they’ll usually wait until the last second to say no, because they want to delay the “bad feelings”” that come with it.
Good example: RSVPs. I’m sure you’ll find that more people who are RSVPing yes will send their cards back right away. Most “no”‘s come right before the deadline.
I think you should take the approach that I take with my DH when I want him to do something that I think he doesn’t want to do. I’ll ask him once. If he doesn’t do it, I’ll ask him a 2nd time, just to remind him in case he forgot. If he still doesn’t do it, it means he has no intention of doing it. So I either drop it or do it myself.
it prevents a) me from becoming a nag and b) me from being dissapointed in him for constantly ignoring my requests.
It’s just human nature, so if you manage your expectations, you will be happier in the end.
Post # 15
@RunsWithBears: Cousin A just did not show. they had confirmed the week before that they’d be there but just didn’t come. AT ALL. so we had gotten everything ready for the bbq, and they just never came or never called to let us know they weren’t coming.
As for Cousin B, I wouldn’t usually care. I just REALLY hate it when someone says they will call, and then doesn’t.. more than once. like don’t give me a definite time or day you’ll call me if you don’t know.
And ignoring msgs is fine if you’re busy but it also doens’t take too long to say “hey i’m having a really busy week, I’m not trying to ignore you, I’ll call as soon as I have things figured out”
agree i’m blowing it out of proportion, but also have pent up past frustration of the exact same kind with the exact same girl (I should know better than to expect more from her.. I know.)
Post # 16
@CanAmBride: so true. actually hadn’t really thought of it like that. I absolutely do that with my FI too lol.
I guess I was just hoping she’d be more excited that I was trying to include her 🙁