(Closed) Does this happen to you?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That sucks.  Fortunately I haven’t been with my SO long enough to have to field those types of questions, I was with my ex though, and it was really really annoying.  I usually just responded “ask him, I don’t buy the ring” or “I don’t have a clue, but if you find out could you let me know?”  That usually shut them up pretty quick.  😀

Post # 4
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve only been with my SO for 1yr and 7 months, but I have PLENTY of ppl asking when we will get engaged. Like I ask him. *eyeroll* I am in the south though, so at my age(29) I’m an old maid, so maybe tradition holds over and that’s why they ask most likely.LMAO

I just tell them it’s none of their buisness. I don’t ask them questions about their personal relationships.

Post # 5
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

*brief hijack*

Isn’t it funny how societal expectations totally differ depending on where you live?  I live in Northern California where it is not at all odd that I’m in my early thirties and not married.  I fit right in where I live. When I visit my brother in Tucson, though, I am a total spinster.  23 year old married girls with 3 kids living hand-to-mouth look at me sympathetically because  I’m 32, unmarried and childless.  Nevermind that I am a professional, making enough money to live comfortably in a great house with my awesome SO.  I’m not married and don’t have kids. Apparently in some areas there is nothing worse.

*hijack over*

Post # 6
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

EXACTLY lezlers! I told my grandma I was buying a house a few months ago and the 1st thing she asked was if I was getting married. I told her no. She told me not to wait too long. I love my grandma, but really.

I have my Master’s degree, a good job, life skills, traveled to quite a few contries, lived alone before and since I’m not married I’m a handicapped Quasimodo? Geez, thanks Grandma. I’ll look for the nearest cliff to jump off since my life is just such an utter waste of time.

I hate the south sometimes.

Post # 8
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@artichokey- There must have been something in the air this weekend, because I was feeling some major frustration over the situation. The worst part was that I was trying soooo hard to hold back the frustration/tears from my SO (which didn’t work so well). I know he has things planned, I know it’s coming soon, but sometimes, you just can’t talk sense to yourself! I didn’t want to stress him anymore, but at the same time…I still felt sucky.

Anyways, YES, I hate those questions! I get them more from my dad’s side. Two of my cousins on that side go to the same church as me. They both got married young (they were both 22 when they got married). However, one cousin’s marriage ended in divorce. He doesn’t ask the questions so much, but two of my other cousins would. Pending on the person who asks, I respond with either, “When it happens, you will be amongst the first to know,” or, if it’s someone who’s not over the age of 60, “We want to enjoy living in sin just a few more years before we settle down.”

My area is mixed. It’s not uncommon for me to not be married, but I’m at the end of that age bracket. However, when I was a freshman in college, I visited a friend of mine at a very religious university. The teacher was asking the girls (and this was a freshman class, keep in mind) how many were engaged. To the ones that didn’t have their hands raised, he told the others (in a serious voice), “You better get moving.” Not for me!

Post # 10
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I just say “soon”, smile and change the subject, or “when he asks me to”. I once told an Aunty that we already married and she wasn’t invited. That shut her up and she’s stopped asking me now!

Also, it seems like Australia might be a lot more relaxed about traditions, some of my friends have been with their partners 5+ years without being married, and some of them married straight out of school.

Post # 11
Member
1279 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree Sesame Snap – people are more relaxed with traditions here… I think it comes down to how old you are when you got together. I have friends that got together with their partner at 18 and are together nearly 10 years and only now are just starting to talk about marriage, but because I got together with my partner at 25 (and when he was 29) people seem to ask us much more frequently!

I also hate being asked! I have tried EVERY kind of response possible but it doesnt stop people asking! I just try my best not to let it get to me these days… every now and then though it really bothers me!

Post # 12
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

this happens to me all the time! but by asking this question, you’ll also give him an anxiety attack too! i found out just last month that the mister hates getting this question too. it makes him feel bad that we aren’t married yet and that in itself is a bit of a sore spot for him that he’d rather not have to discuss with other people. i don’t know why it wouldn’t occur to me that HE gets the same crap i do.

but yeah, there really isn’t any way to stop the questions. even when i assured people that i would tell them the moment he asked, they still ask whenever they see me, as if a day really made a difference. i mean, the bf and i are ldr so there’s no way he’d propose to me over the phone so when we’re not physically together, i’m not sure how people can expect us to suddenly be engaged.

all i can suggest is to just smile and nod and say “soon” and change the subject as soon as possible. most people are satisfied with that and can be easily distracted by other topics.

Post # 13
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I say, say something sarcastic. It stopped my aunt.LOL But I have noticed it is married women who ask. Women in relationships don’t probably b/c they know how it is…but then I know the married women had to get it to at one point.

Post # 15
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

haha a PSA!  Seriously!  I think it is SOOO inappropriate to ask…especially because when I get it it usually comes from someone I don’t know that well!  (although don’t get me wrong, still get it a lot from close friends and family too!!)  People need to mind their business! 😉

Post # 16
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@artichokey:

In fairness though, since he’s the one who proposes, not me, he should have to field that question and I should not ever get it!

Exactly!!  Since he’s the only one who can really answer that question, I wouldn’t feel bad at all if people asked!  Honestly, I don’t know why people ask the woman, it’s not like she’s going to respond “oh, he’s proposing next week.”  Common sense dictates if you honestly want to know when a couple is getting engaged you ask the person who is responsible (in most cases) for buying the ring and asking the question, not the one stuck waiting for that to happen.  

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