- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ok Bee's... I know I'm probably going to get a lot of flack from a lot of you, but I have to see if anyone else thinks this is not a big deal...
A "friend" (I use the term loosely) of mine got engaged March of last year and his fiance (we'll call her Mable) booked their wedding for December of this year. They have been together for about 2 years.
My fiance and I got engaged August of last year and booked our wedding for November of this year. THREE weeks before theirs. We have been together for EIGHT years. I have always wanted a November wedding and I wasn't prepared to get married last year, or in 2009.
As it happens, both myself and my friends fiance are using the same colors for the weddings. She is mad that I booked the wedding three weeks before theirs and that I am using the same colors as her (to be honest - I didn't know she was using those colours, and they are very popular colors!)
I really don't see the big deal here - WE were together waaaaaaay longer than them, we are not close friends, and their will be about 25 MAX that will be at both of our weddings.
Mable is MAD with a capital M, but won't admit and it, and she keeps just making snide remarks (because her fiance's family is paying for their entire wedding where as we are paying for most of ours ourselves).
I am really that bad or is Mable over-reacting? Please be honest!
I don't know... if I were her, I would probably be irritated, but not MAD. But then again, people can be petty (especially some brides/Bridezillas) and get mad about anything.
It doesn't matter how long either arty has been together or how long they have been engaged, IMO. It sounds like she would be mad at you even if you had been together for 20 years and had gotten engaged on the same day she did.
I would just shrug it off and not let her frustrations affect your wedding planning. How many weddings have you seen with the same colors that ended up looking EXACTLY alike? None! I've been to three pink/green/brown weddings and they all looked different and unique.
Try to not let her get to you.
I'd be irritated about the colours, not the date. (I'm a big fan of the SATC line: You get a day. Not a week, not a month :-) )
She's probably worried she'll look like she copied you.
Can you change one of your accent colours? Or add another colour in?
M100_(49).jpg (27.1 KB, 82 downloads) 3 years old DSC07593.JPG (42.3 KB, 80 downloads) 3 years old
yeah i wouldn't put the fact who's been with who longer. that would make it a bit petty. however, leaving that aside, she is throwing this thing out of proportion. yes i would be perturbed, but let's not make a big deal out of it. it's a month difference in between and it's not like those 25 ppl that you both know are torn between two weddings to go to. they can still go to both. there are color schemes that are sooo common for weddings such as pink and grey, pink and white, red and black, black and white, etc... whatever the case may be, just concentrate on your own wedding bc believe me, you have more things to think about than putting your efforts to try to placate her.
DSC07597.JPG (75.2 KB, 84 downloads) 3 years old DSC07572.JPG (35.6 KB, 82 downloads) 3 years old
I guess I could add another color in or something, but really - I didn't know those were her colors until I had already picked mine. She had asked me what mine were and when I told her she flipped out. How was I supposed to know?
And as for looking like she copied me - really - we will barely have any of the same people at the weddings. And the people that will be at both are MY friends, not OURS and not HERS. They aren't going to care. To them, she is just the girl that is marrying their friend (They are guys - they dont' care about colors!)
DSC07627.JPG (4.8 KB, 109 downloads) 3 years old DSC07572.JPG (35.6 KB, 122 downloads) 3 years old 
Sorry, but I'd be irritated too. I've been together years longer than my friends and their sign. others, but I don't think (nor do they) I rank above. I'd be irritated, like maple said, that it'd look like I was copying your wedding. This happened to me (cousin had same colors, program, photobooth, entree, bouquets, and cake). I was ticked (cause I showed her my wedding book), but I dealt and changed it up since I'm marrying after her. You can't expect her not to be ticked, but if she has any smarts to her she'll change it up and make it her own if she's worried being too similar.
DSC07612.JPG (37.3 KB, 120 downloads) 3 years old DSC07597.JPG (75.2 KB, 140 downloads) 3 years old 
I'd like to say that I'm a big girl and I'd be totally happy/not irritated/wouldnt care at all but...that would be lying.
I'd be mad. Not steaming mad, but unfortunately, I'd probably be making snide comments (but not to your face...cause I'm passive like that). Probably a little more than irritated, but not flaming mad. somewhere in between.
Normal, well adjusted, nice people would probably not be mad. I...unfortunately...am not one of those people.
I'm not giving you any flack though, its your wedding, and the likelyhood of it looking just like your friend's wedding is very low (even though youre using the same colors)....ESPECIALLY if its a normal color like Red, or Chocolate brown or whatever. COMEON! Its a normal wedding color. You cant be that mad :)
So in short, yes, Mabel is overreacting, but unfortunately, I'd probably overreact too. I hate to admit this weakness about myself but hey, were being honest here right?
Keep doing what you're doing, youre in love, youre getting married, and colors are REALLY the least important part about it!!! Yay! Good luck!
I've been planning a wedding 4/19/08 for about a year, and just a week ago my friend told me she got engaged and is going to have her wedding at the end of Feb. We have a lot of the same friends, so she was nervous about it and was scared I would get mad. Honestly, I am nothing but happy for her. And if she was using the same colors, I could care less - I'm just happy that she is getting married to someone she really loves who will make her happy.
Now, if she had the same dress and used the same venue, then I would think she was a stalker or something.
I think in this situation you have to be the judge of yourself. Are you at all trying to steal her thunder? Do you guys historically have a competitive/jealousy thing going on? Would it matter to you if the roles were reversed? If the answer is no in all three cases, then I don't think you have anything to worry about. At the end of the day, you're the one who has to look youself in the mirror and be happy with the person you are so if you know that you had only good intentions then don't let someone else make you doubt yourself.
I think she is overreacting. It doesn't really matter who's been dating longer or who got engaged first, does it? When you get engaged, you don't get to claim the whole entire year (or however long) leading up to your wedding.
So many things go into picking a date for a wedding. Work, school and family schedules, venue availability, and so on. It is rather self-centered of her to think that your wedding date has anything to do with her whatsoever.
As for the colors, I can't honestly say that those things really stuck with me before I was a bride-to-be. Chances are most of your overlapping guests won't notice. Even if they do, I would imagine you will each use them in ways that make sense for your individual weddings and you and your FI as a couple. So unless you are going to go all SWF on her ass with centerpieces and programs, then she needs to chill.
I'd be annoyed too. It's one thing if you booked your wedding after hers, but before hers?? No no.
I booked it BEFORE hers because I've always wanted a november wedding. And when I say her fiance and I are friends, we are very loosely friends. We were closer years ago, but are not anymore. I would not say that Mable and I are friends - AT ALL - we don't talk, we don't hang out. We RARELY see each other.
I wouldn't worry about it. She's just getting wrapped up in the "all about me" attitude that feeds the bridezilla stereotype.
You could extend an olive branch to her, and offer to show her some of the things you have planned (like your theme, dresses, etc). This way she could plan to do something different since her wedding is a month later and she would have time to make changes. I wouldn't offer to change anything in your wedding, but just tell her that you'd like to give her the courtesy of knowing your plans so she can arrange hers differently if she wishes.
I don't think it makes you awful, but I am like the others when I say I would be annoyed.
I have been engaged for almost nine months, and we picked out our date right away. My maid of honor just got engaged at Christmas, and she picked her wedding date 3 weeks after mine. Now that it's getting down to the nitty gritty on wedding planning, it's doing the same for her, etc. We share a huge chunk of our guest list. So yes, I am very very annoyed, and I can see where you are coming from.
On the other hand, if you're not close, and you're barely close to her to the point you hardly talk to her (except share wedding colors?) then I don't see what the big deal is. It's just some other girl's wedding, right? Just use this opportunity to make your wedding more awesome and creative than hers, so that people are still talking about yours at her wedding.
Is the only thing that's the same the colors? Not the venue? Seriously, no one is going to freaking notice. I think many people are not even aware that weddings have colors. Do you remember the colors of any wedding you've been to (before you got engaged and started noticing these things, that is)? I literally remember the colors of only two weddings I've been to, and in both cases it's because I was a bridesmaid and was therefore wearing the darned color! It's ridiculous.
I suppose if you want to be nice, I'd make sure your bridesmaids are not dressed in the same color as hers (say your colors are pink and brown, and her girls are in pink...then you go with brown), because that will be the only color at the wedding anyone will notice.
Ok - one more detail. We are at the same location, but different halls. In fact - her hall is much fancier/bigger/more expensive than mine....so that shouldn't be an issue....
6220-575958-t.jpg (2.7 KB, 44 downloads) 3 years old 
If people compare weddings, they normally (in my experience) say stuff like "so-and-so's cake was so much more tasty" or "parking at so-and-so's wedding was pretty bad" or "that ceremony was better than so-and-so's" (I swear, I've had people tell me this). My cousins had a pink & brown, red & gold, and a pink & silver wedding and they still got compared. So, really colors aren't the thing to worry about.
Sorry, the fact that it's the same venue (even different halls) is a much bigger issue, and is probably why she's annoyed. You booked your wedding three weeks before hers in the same venue, and then picked the same colors. The colors were just the straw that broke the camel's back.
Sure, she's probably overreacting, if, as you say, you didn't know about her colors and it was an accident, but I understand much better why she's upset.
And, depending on your where your mutual guests are from, she might be worrying, too, that many of them won't even come to her wedding because they've gone to yours. A lot of people can't afford two weddings in one month if they have to travel.
I am surprised by how many people would care. Particularly because there are so few people at each, and then the overlap is even smaller. She probably does think she'll look like she's copying to those 3 people or whatever, but she's not. You're not. Who was together longer is irrelevant. You should be able to get married where you want, when you want, and not apologize for it, and not have to wait a year because so and so is getting married a month later. I could maybe see her / people being so upset if it was your relative and a bunch of the same people were having to travel twice, but not in this situation.
Edited to add: Didn't see the same location thing... I could see her being more annoyed in that case. Did you book the venue only after hearing about it from her? Or had you been considering it before you knew she booked there? Hmm...
The fact that you're even questioning your decisions, to me, makes me think that you know in your heart that the situation is iffy. That being said, whats done is done, your venue is booked, your colors are picked, and I say just go with it, despite your gut feeling that you feel like you've done something you perhaps feel like you shouldn't have.
A "somewhat" similar situation happened to me in that I picked a date for our wedding but didnt book a venue yet...I found out that one of my FI's cousins was graduating that weekend, thus meaning if I booked my wedding that weekend it would make the FI's relatives have to choose between my wedding and his graduation. I went ahead and booked the venue for the date i wanted. I could have just as easily picked the next weekend, or the previous, but I just did it cause I liked the date, and had my heart set on that date since we got engaged. Do I feel guilty? Yes. Does it mean that I made the wrong decision? Maybe. But I did it, and I have to move ahead and put it behind me.
I know that that situation is perhaps a little different than yours, but this reminds me of Darcy Miller's "wear white to the wedding?" situation where she wore white to a friend's wedding, despite the fact that she polled her office and the majority said she shouldnt have done it. She did it anyway, had a great time, and did it without regrets. You should do the same...its fun to get everyone's opinions on this topic but in the end...its done! Go for it! Full steam ahead!
324580.jpg (38.3 KB, 67 downloads) 3 years old
i can see why she is mad but only 25 ppl overlap so i don't see it being a big deal. each wedding is very individual b/c it's the bride/groom that define it. in general, i wouldn't worry about it too much and continue planning.
Yeah, unfortunately, having it at the same venue makes it a bigger deal. But what's done is done. I do, however, like snmcdowell's idea of extending the olive branch. Maybe give her a call and explain that you didn't mean to upset her with the coincidence and offer to let her see some of your plans for the wedding so that she can see how different yours is from hers. The gesture, at least, should be appreciated even if it changes neither of your plans.
1552.jpg (9.6 KB, 113 downloads) 3 years old 
Honestly, in the long run it will not matter... to either of you.
However, in her mind, I can understand why she's upset. In her shoes, even if you were in a different part of the same location, I would probably still feel a little annoyed that your wedding will take place there three weeks before mine. The colors wouldn't actually bother me that much on its own, because many weddings use the same colors, but if I was already bothered by the location issue, then discovering the weddings are also going to be the same colors would eat at me a little. I wouldn't necessarily be annoyed at you, personally -- you have done nothing wrong, you just have similar taste! -- but I would just be annoyed in general due to fear that people will think I copied you, or from the pressure of trying to plan a unique wedding that my guests will enjoy, and feeling like maybe my plans aren't so unique after all.
I wouldn't press the point with her at all in the matter; I think it would make things worse to sit down with her and try to lay claim to different ideas to ensure the weddings will be different. That would just magnify the dreaded similarities to her. Your weddings are both going to be different, lovely occasions no matter what -- you know this, and she'll come around to that fact eventually too. My best advice is to try to empathize with her by cutting her a little slack if she is throwing out snide comments... try not to let it affect you and dismiss the behavior as a reaction even the best of us might have in our crazy bridal mindsets. :)
I would be upset too, if its the same location AND the same colors. Those 2 things together make it difficult to ignore. My question for you is do you want YOUR wedding to be the same as someone else's? To her, it will look like she copied you because hers is after. No matter who booked what beforehand. I would say try changing your color scheme. Like you said, its a very popular color. For a November wedding, I would guess reds? You could go with an emerald and gold, or a rich purple color. I think there are definite ways to make them different. But keep in mind as well, people may compare them. ANd you probably don't want people saying hers was so much nicer or something. Especially if you both choose the same food - which is something you may wish to discuss with her. Regardless, a day is just a day, and everyone chooses their date for thier own reasons. I don't think she should be mad about that. Especially if you aren't good friends - its not like you helped her plan hers and then stole all her ideas. If I were you, and I saw that regardless of who picked what first, our weddings would be similar, I would want to adjust my plans just so I knew my ideas were original, regardless of what they were about. Think about it - venues have hundreds of weddings a year, and probably no two are alike. There has to be a million ways you could make them different and unique.
i can understand both sides. my DH's best man got engaged 3 months after us and their wedding ended up 2 weeks before ours - which is a super-critical time. i was pretty mad until we actually went - it was actually a really good time for us to relax a bit, and the weddings weren't similar at all. i do know that they felt bad about booking it, but they tried 3 diff dates that didn't work for a lot of people and they were so frustrated they were ready to elope.
in this case, though, i think you need to be a bit sensitive to her feelings, especially since it's the same location. the colors probably wouldn't be as big a deal if it were in an entirely different place. most brides i've spoken to purposely pick locations where their families/friends haven't been to before to avoid the "redundancy factor." plus, she didn't have the flexibility that you did in picking a date around hers, so she's probably thinking you did it on purpose, even if you didn't. maybe take her to lunch, if possible? just to try to be friendly - if it comes up about her being uncomfortable, then talk about it. but i don't think you should bring it up, that could just make her feel like she's being petty.
maybe try to make a positive out of it - give her something in your colors that she might like that you won't use, she might appreciate it. kind of sounds like bribery, but she might ease up if she sees that you care about her having a great day, too.
hey - at least you didn't book it on the same day as her! One of my musicians (also a friend) booked her wedding on the same day as me, after having agreed to play in my wedding, resulting in me having no string quartet at my wedding, plus her brother (who I am better friends and was also in the quartet) won't even be able to attend my wedding at all! The friend overlap is minimal, but still! Sorry for the run-on sentence :)
As for my two cents (and to echo the replies above), you can't really hold the length of time you've been together with your FH over her head without belittling her own relationship with hers.
Same boat....you're not terrible. You didn't do this intentionally and that's whats most important. I'm guessing the colors, are fall/winter colors that suit a wedding in this time. She is going to be crabby and rude because, lets face it - if any of us were the other bride we would be as well. I think that it's just going to take her some time to realize you're not getting married to destroy her day.
Okay, onto the the part where I'm in the same boat as you:
Friends of mine are getting married 2-3 weeks after us, they got engaged fisrt and also have been dating longer. I talked to said friend a bit before and after telling her that we offically booked a day and you know what we are really helping each other by sharing ideas and things. Our friends are invited to our wedding as we as we are to theirs.
I think if you can work through it, or talk it out that she will see that you're not out to hurt her and that you two could actually help each other rather then cause each other more stress during this time thats supposed to be happy and fun!
Amber
So what if the colors are the same. Who cares- its just colors. How you use the colors will be totally different (hopefully).
and I don't think 25 people will be snarky over it. And if they are- then they are not very nice friends then. ;)
Seems like part of the problem is that this girl is NOT your friend. If she was, you would have known what her colors were; you would know a whole lot about what she was planning adn vice versa. Face it, we all go through that phase where it is just about all you can think and talk about. If she was your friend, she would first of all be happy for you. And you could have some fun planning two really different weddings. Odds are, unless you have some weird psychic connection, that even with the same colors and at the same venue (in different rooms) they will be quite different from each other. But since she is pretty clearly not your friend, why do you care what she thinks? Just go ahead and plan your own fabulous day, and don't pay any attention to her or her plans. That way you have no worries - you're not copying her, after all.
well...i've only read half the comments hear. and my understanding is that you were engaged first, booked first, have been planning longer.
did i get that right?
i agree with the others that are saying she is worried about looking like she copied you, although tis purely coincidental.
I'd be slightly annoyed. i dont think I'd be mad, bc i didnt know you personally. But it might ruffle me a bit.
Do I think you are wrong? No, I dont.
I went to a friend's last September that echoed exactly what I wanted mine to be like as far as theme and music (first dance, father's dance)...
and i must admit that although I am getting married in November, I have personally changed some of my long time wants in order be a bit different from her.
kind of a respect thing.
Now i have a cousin that is marrying the month before me and i do not plan to call her to ask her anything bc i am nervous that what she has already planned is going to be similiar to my vision. I'd rather it just happen that way and me not find out now bc I dont want to change what I want.
this probably makes me a bad person......
I don't think you're awful!! I mean, I guess you could cave and change your colors up a little bit? You do want to remain friends after the wedding(s), after all... I dunno.
PLEASE NOTE:::
One Bee asked if I picked the location after they picked theirs... sort of. There are 4 clubs in our city that can host weddings. This one is the nicest. I also used to work at this club. Mable is getting married in a church and having the reception at the club. My fiance and I are from different religions and decided a church wedding was not for us. This particular club has the most beautiful area to get married. So - we are getting married AND having the reception at the venue. It was really the only logical choice for us... EVERYONE we know has had their reception at this venue. Our city does not have a lot of choices as we are not from a particularly large city...
2212_2.jpg (4.3 KB, 87 downloads) 3 years old 1992_2.jpg (4 KB, 44 downloads) 3 years old
I really don't see what the big deal is... 25ppl - who are mostly guys will be attending both weddings. Like someone said previously, most guys don't care about (or even notice) the color of the chair sashes! If "Mable" is only upset because it will seem like she copied her wedding it should be a non-issue.
I just got married in October, and after all of the wedding planning ups and downs (and there were a lot), I had to get to a point where I wasn't focused on anything but marrying my best friend. Brides have way more important things to worry about than who has what colors at another wedding that will take place weeks before/after theirs.
What kept me grounded and not worrying about petty things, was the constant reminder that a wedding is a day, but the marriage is for a lifetime. Don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy your wedding!
I'm in pretty much the same situation. I don't think it makes you awful for a few reasons: #1 - you said you and Mable are not friends. #2 - you said there are limited venues in your area, and she actually has a nicer hall than you. #3 - the colours are popular. #4 - the overlapping guests are minimal, YOUR friends, and mostly guys.
It's not like she's your sister. If you aren't friends now, you probably won't be after, so I wouldn't worry about it. Enjoy YOUR day. If she feels like people will think she copied you, then SHE should change her stuff as she is the one with the problem. If you don't care that it will look like you are trying to steal her thunder, then she shouldn't care either.
Like a lot of other bee's said - just because you are having the same colours doesn't mean that your weddings will look ANYTHING alike.
Also - the fact that you are having both the ceremony and the reception there as opposed to just the reception like Mable already makes it different.
1612785.jpg (12.3 KB, 82 downloads) 3 years old 1612777.jpg (10.5 KB, 78 downloads) 3 years old
You're not horrible. Sure its irritating that you guys have the same colors, but no one will know. First of all, you can use different kinds of flowers, dresses, linens etc. People use the same color combinations all the time!! There are many things that will differ your wedding from your friend's. You can always explain that to her.
What people do remember about the reception is usually the food =) so if the booze and the chicken is there, not many will notice the colors...
no worries =)
Different venues, different bride and groom, the majority of the guests will be different - I wouldn't notice that they have the same colours to be honest.
Unless you're both using the same unusual theme, as a guest I'd have no idea. I've only ever noticed subtle themes/any colour schemes when the bride has been telling me about it a lot during her planning. I think she's overreacting.
If you can pick a different main colour/shade for the bridesmaids it would probably make a difference, unless colours clash hugely in other areas that's the only place I'd usually notice the colour!
I dont see the big deal really...My fiance's cousins are getting married 2 months before me, and we are having the same colors. Neither of us really care because we picked the colors that the guys wanted...we are just throwing our own personality onto it. The invitees will pretty much be the same considering they are from the same family, but I wont mind. They are two different weddings, being planned by two different people. Unless you two are going to be copying each other from invitations to favors......she shouldnt care either. She needs to grow up and realize she's not the only one getting married. Do what you want and dont plan anything around her or for her sake. This is your BIG DAY and you dont want to settle for her.
People get waaaay too worked up about weddings. The fact of the matter is that there a MANY weddings occurring at the same time and some of them might even have the same colors and themes. Big deal! It's *YOUR* wedding and even if you chose the same location, colors, DJ, etc. it's going to be unique to *YOU* and your fiance. No one else in the world should matter on YOUR day.
I am getting married a week after my fiance's sister. This was organized this way so that the family could attend both weddings. Is this ideal? Probably not, but it's life so we'll make it work. And we got engaged after her. Did we steal her thunder? Hell no, we had plans to get engaged all along and our lives shouldn't have to be put on hold just for them.
I could go on and on about how we are older and been together longer and blah blah...but it really doesn't matter because what happened has happened and you work with it. I was really upset about it at first, but then I realized that there are bigger things to worry about than a wedding. I am young, healthy and marrying the guy I love. And that's all that really matters.
Your wedding is going to be awesome and I don't think you are awful at all. You chose the colors you wanted for your day and there is no "rule" that says you have to run this by other people (except for maybe your fiance :) Do your thing, if she is REALLY bothered by the similarity then maybe she can change her colors or add another one in or something. You have done NOTHING wrong!
ASEvent_160x300.jpg (36 KB, 57 downloads) 3 years old
I think she is overreacting. If sha makes another snide comment you can always sweetly mention that your wedding is going to look very differnt from hers since the venue is different and since your tasts are different. I don't suggest that you hire the same DJs, Bakers or have any similar extras, like a photo booth or candy bar. Ask her to share some her details and make sure you point out nicey some of the differences. Emphasizing how much fun people will have at both weddings and how surprised at how different they can be when you used the same color scheme. I would even go so far as to compliment her on her taste in colors. Great minds think a like. Maybe you could compare color swatches or paint chips and use varing shades. (If her color is pale pink go with a stronger shade.) Just don't make any changes that you wouldn't pick any way.
wow. both of you need to relax. most people probably won't even notice your colors, or that you used the same ones.
3nc3mb3od1181f812491k69e12fd2b17d10a9..jpg (5.8 KB, 45 downloads) 3 years old You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Brielle | 44 |
| ndreighton | 36 |
| caseyleigh10 | 30 |
 vorpalette |
29 |
| les105 | 24 |
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| mypinkshoes | 23 |
| fishbone | 23 |
| lionskitty | 22 |
| SouthernGirl | 21 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Katherine27 | 12 |
| HappilyEverAfter54 | 11 |
| bump | 10 |
| ellisrobertson | 9 |
| j_jaye | 8 |
| KimKimmieKim |
7 |
| julies1949 | 6 |
| Brielle | 6 |
| lindseyl06 | 6 |
| tonights | 6 |
